Narcissism..

Reaper wrote:Just to be clear, not everyone who despises weakness in others despises it for the same reason as someone with NPD does.

I'm aware that you despise weakness in others and I know you're suggesting that you feel that way for a different reason than those with NPD and that you don't despise weakness in yourself, so then what exactly is that reason, and why are you so accepting of weakness in yourself but not others?

It's probably only certain weakness, right?

-- Fri Nov 15, 2019 11:19 pm --

I'll let you answer, but what I'm getting from what you're saying is that you inherently lack empathy for others, which is indicative of psychopathy..

You're not mentally ill, you're just wicked.

snitch reaper's pyramid of projections always ends up caving in on itself.

EllaBlack wrote:

Reaper wrote:Just to be clear, not everyone who despises weakness in others despises it for the same reason as someone with NPD does.

I'm aware that you despise weakness in others and I know you're suggesting that you feel that way for a different reason than those with NPD and that you don't despise weakness in yourself, so then what exactly is that reason, and why are you so accepting of weakness in yourself but not others?

It's probably only certain weakness, right?

I made a general statement about anyone who despises weakness in others. I am included in that, sure, but this isn't about me.

I'll bite though. Yes, it is only certain weaknesses in others and no, I don't believe I have those same weaknesses, so of course it's different than someone who despises it because they see it in themselves.

I despise those weaknesses because I have a very animalistic view of the world - where it's predator vs prey and survival of the fittest. The 'fittest' means the most resilient, resourceful and cunning to survive in a world where selfishness thrives and everyone is only out for themselves. That's the world I was raised in, so that's how I see it, and weakness has no place in that.

You're not mentally ill, you're just wicked.

Thanks Doc.

Reaper wrote:I despise those weaknesses because I have a very animalistic view of the world - where it's dog eat dog and survival of the fittest. The 'fittest' means the most resilient, resourceful and cunning to survive in a world where selfishness thrives and everyone is only out for themselves. That's the world I was raised in, so that's how I see it, and weakness has no place in that.

I think you like that world though.

-- Fri Nov 15, 2019 11:45 pm --

Reaper wrote:Thanks Doc.

Only going by what you write.. You're pretty consistent, which seems to rule out all other explanations for your personality being the way it is.. You have a realistic view of your impact on others, but don't care.

EllaBlack wrote:I think you like that world though.

I do indeed and I very much like doing what I do in it.

Reaper wrote:I do indeed and I very much like doing what I do in it.

Me too.

The mods will think highly of this if they see it.

Boy, did this place ever go in the complete opposite direction of what they hoped for..

But I mean really, what the hell did they expect?

EllaBlack wrote:

Reaper wrote:Thanks Doc.

Only going by what you write.. You're pretty consistent, which seems to rule out all other explanations for your personality being the way it is.

Well, I was diagnosed with personality disorders. That's something you can argue over with a doctor if you disagree, not me.

By the way, it's consistency in your behavior and thought process that they look for when they diagnose you.

You have a realistic view of your impact on others, but don't care.

Why would I care. Other people don't mean anything to me. They're just 'things'.

Reaper wrote:Well, I was diagnosed with personality disorders. That's something you can argue over with a doctor if you disagree, not me.

By the way, it's consistency in your behavior and thought process that they look for when they diagnose you.

But you obviously don't see it as a problem, and isn't an illness supposed to be a problem? The label is there for the traits, but what problems do those traits really cause you, Reaper? None, right?

EllaBlack wrote:But you obviously don't see it as a problem, and isn't an illness supposed to be a problem?

I don't see it as a problem in as far as needing to change goes. I don't see myself as broken, so I don't think I need to be fixed. How I am feels normal to me, but I'm aware it's not normal to society.

The label is there for the traits, but what problems do those traits really cause you, Reaper? None, right?

I've caused a lot of other people pain, in one way or another, but what affect has it really had on me. Let's see...

- Almost constant boredom, which I feel every.single.day, just about drives me up the wall.

- I used to get into trouble at school for skipping classes, not doing my work, or getting others to do my work for me. And for skipping school altogether.

- When my mother fell pregnant with my sister, she decided she didn't want me around anymore and basically kicked me out (she did help me move out though). I was still in school at this point, but had stopped going regularly and decided to drop out before my final year. I kept getting into trouble (arguments and fights) and ended moving back home, then I'd get into arguments at home, and end up moving back out again, and the same thing would happen again and again. It got to the point where my mother told me I was never allowed back home again.

- Because of the way I am my mother never liked the idea of me being a parent. When my daughter came along she wanted me to adopt her out and later, when my daughter became a teenager) tried to get her put into foster care after convincing her that that's where she's better off. She did it without even talking to me about it, which really pissed me off.

- I was not a very good parent to my daughter, which ultimately lead her to act out by getting into fights at school, not doing the school work she was given and being rude to teachers, which lead to me having to attend welfare meetings at the school quite often, to the point where they were talking about taking legal action.

- I was banned from a medical clinic ('advised' never to go go back there) because of something I confided in a doctor that she obviously over-reacted to, and had to find a new doctor.

- A new doctor I started seeing called the Mental Health Team on me for a risk assessment because he was concerned that I might hurt/kill someone, only because I told him I wanted my testosterone checked because of all this aggression I have and a desire to kill people. I honestly didn't think he'd see it as that big of a deal because I didn't say I was going to kill anyone or that I was planning to. But apparently it concerned him enough to call the Mental Health Team immediately, the moment I left his office. They were trying to contact me before I even got back home.

- I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had for being impulsive and irresponsible. Some of that was self-sabotage so I could get fired. I hated almost every job I ever had, and I especially hated having to work for someone.

- I've been kicked out of / evicted from places for drunken behavior.

- I've been reported to the police multiple times. Sometimes I think prison is inevitable.

- I've spent my entire life walking an endless road to nowhere, because I just cannot seem to think very far ahead or stay focused long enough to achieve anything long-term.

- And let's not forget my obsession with murder. While that's more of a problem for other people, I'm the one who has to live every day of my life among the very things I want to kill (by that I mean people, they're everywhere). Can you imagine what it would be like for a hungry lion to live among the zebra and not be able to kill one every time it gets the urge to, but instead have to put on an act in order to blend in...

Probably the worst impact it's had on me is how alienated from everyone I feel, producing a sense of isolation, which ultimately leads to anger, not just at everyone around me, but the entire fuking world.


But hey, you're probably right. This disorder doesn't cause me any problems...

I don't really care if people see me as narcissistic and I have no qualms about admitting it.
Which.. ironically makes me less narcissistic AND unironically makes me more narcissistic at the same time?

eeehh?
bleep bleepzzx pop!