Why...

justonemoreperson wrote:

Sarandipity wrote:Thank you. I'll pass that message on.

What do you want out of this place?

Wanted to help Paul. It actually did help him. He realised his behaviour was shame based. I don't think this forum can do any more than that.

So to be fair, despite the not liking the DID focus because he came here to get away from it, it did actually help.

Thanks everyone here who said stuff. Sorry we are not equipped to help any of you with your struggles. Unless Paul comes back front with still unresolved rage I can not see a purpose of coming here and as I said not equipped to help you but it has been helpful and thank you for that.

Peace Out

It's been interesting, at least for me.

Question though: if Paul is the manifestation, for want of a better word, for your shame-based rage, what happens to Paul if that's resolved? Does he cease to exist?

There must be a part of you all(?) that doesn't want this stuff resolved, as it would mean the death of some?

I really don't understand the nature of DiD; I either see it is as a group of separate people living in the same head, or simply a mix of 'moods' that are dealt with in isolation.

You seem to be overly sensitive to aggression in yourself; maybe let Paul get his rage on here and see what happens?

Come on, Paul. Don't be a pussy.

justonemoreperson wrote:Come on, Paul. Don't be a pussy.

bye sarandipity.

just remember everything I've taught u.

the force is within u. well, it's within me but im gunna help u w it.

feel free to PM me.

justonemoreperson wrote:It's been interesting, at least for me.

Question though: if Paul is the manifestation, for want of a better word, for your shame-based rage, what happens to Paul if that's resolved? Does he cease to exist?

There must be a part of you all(?) that doesn't want this stuff resolved, as it would mean the death of some?

I really don't understand the nature of DiD; I either see it is as a group of separate people living in the same head, or simply a mix of 'moods' that are dealt with in isolation.

You seem to be overly sensitive to aggression in yourself; maybe let Paul get his rage on here and see what happens?

Come on, Paul. Don't be a pussy.

It is sort of both. So there's seperate personalities and also suppressed emotions that float around. Jealousy was floating around and nobody ever felt jealous. We realised we'd suppressed it as a coping mechanism because jealousy was an integral part of the abuse so too dangerous to engage it. We divided up jealousy and that was ok.

Paul was sort of different, he is pretty much having a heart attack which has been felt in the body on and off since yesterday, because of realising he's basically empty and just shame and rage - but he isn't. He isn't like the cloud of jealousy. He wants to disappear though but alters can't kill themselves or eachother in this system. We'd have to have a full on heartattack and actually die.

It's because we have done aggressive acts that we fear it. The only thing that ever made us feel better about it was when a friend said "you're just a violent person" but still right now Paul would just smash everything around us and drive head first into a tree because putting the rage where it belongs is not an option so he needs to somehow calm down and stop having a heart attack before he can do or say anything externally. Or he will dissolve into other parts, if that's possible then he'd probably choose that.

At the moment because there's so much internal chaos it is like also mourning what we had, that is completely destroyed. Rebuilding it would be counterproductive. To get this far with so many barriers broken and memory exposed... It's like Macbeth "to go on is as treacherous as to return"

So basically completely f'd right now but still carrying on. What's needed is complete lack of responsibility or doing anything for a period of time and intense therapy but can't do that because that costs money that we do not have.

Our theory is that it would be a death of all for a birth of one whole person - alot of DID people do not want that, we didn't for many years for made up reasons like "we would miss eachother" or "we might not be able to do all the stuff we do" or "we'll have physical problems that we don't have now" But the truth is we didn't want that because to have that is to face the trauma, all the trauma.

Still kind of finding this helpful. Which is sort of odd so thanks.

I'm guessing that most therapy has the goal of eventually merging you all into one happy individual. Maybe that's not what you need.

Maybe what Paul (and the rest) needs is to feel validated; that his personality isn't 'wrong' but that he serves a vital service to the rest of you. I believe this was discussed before.

Validation is important for most people, although usually there's just one to worry about. Perhaps allowing the personalities of each to be validated individually will allow them to reside harmoniously.

Maybe the goal shouldn't be to merge, but to create a working productive community. It might just fix itself.

Instead of him driving into a tree, find something he can get his teeth into.

Yeah, maybe give him Ian Watkins phone number and put one of your under age Alts on the line.

If someone threw Paul in a room and starved him, among other things, with the deal that he needs to go away and let the host deal with things on their own, or else the whole system would literally die, I wonder what would ensue...