Forgetting What's Obvious

I think for me, it's a combination of forgetfulness, apathy, and impulsivity. Meds, eating, smoking, sleep, whatever.

I know there are steps I can take to improve my quality of life... I just don't care enough to actually do it. I'm able to easily recognize cause and effect, or potential outcomes and repercussions of any given action I may take, but none of them have enough emotional weight to sway me. I am definitely an instant gratification type, I have a hard time caring about consequences. Yes, death is an easy way out, but it's always a possibility in case I REALLY fck up.

I generally go off meds for a year or so, and won't go back on until I'm pretty much non-functional. It's been almost 3 years this time round and I'm still holding my own, so I'm fairly proud of myself. I probably should have gone back on a while ago, but I can't be bothered to find a new psychiatrist.

~ Sleep to prevent psychosis, anger/agitation & derealization.
~ As I've mentioned before, human interaction to prevent psychosis.
~ Additionally, since I spend a lot of time in a mildly dissociative state, I need to take time daily to figure out if anything is bothering me (or if I have any stressors) to prevent psychosis & derealization.
~ Lastly, 12-Step Program Step 11 (prayer & meditation) on a daily basis and any type of service to others when possible because it improves my quality of life.

I like this thread.
I think it's different for everyone. For me:

Eat well, sleep well, lots of quality companions and comforts - except when it's time to suffer.

I've noticed that in my case I also need to allocate specific time when I can't eat, sleep and be comfortable. It's like I need to feel absolutely miserable every now. Then so that when I stop; and I'm crawling back to civilization with fifteen percent less body mass, I appreciate when I do get good food, good rest and companionship.

A ritualistic every day to day with bursts of adrenaline seems to work for me. If I don't give myself these vacations I have a tendency to self destruct.

Squaredonutwheels wrote:A ritualistic every day to day with bursts of adrenaline seems to work for me. If I don't give myself these vacations I have a tendency to self destruct.

Planning your self-destructive periods, I've never tried that. When things are going well for too long usually I'm waiting for something to go wrong until it either just does or becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe I should give this a try. How do you do this practically? Get into the woods with a hunting knife and some tape? ..no but seriously how do you do it?

cinnamoncookie wrote: I do way better when I go out regularly and hang out with people that don't overthink things as much as I do. But when I'm feeling bad basically I feel like doing the complete opposite and barricade myself in my apartment.

I only connect with people who are more like-minded which is obviously rare. Although, I can forgive a lot if someone makes me laugh.

Aeva117 wrote:I know there are steps I can take to improve my quality of life... I just don't care enough to actually do it

Same. And the more I think I should be doing this or that, the less likely I am to do it. Even visualising how I would like to be regarding health and mood, seems to reinforce a stubborn non compliance.

Aeva117 wrote: I am definitely an instant gratification type,

The transience of joy derived from instant gratification is a deterrent for me. When I get high I want it to last forever. The fact it ends, is a p1sser. I think for this reason I have never fulfilled my addictive potential.

Aeva117 wrote:It's been almost 3 years this time round and I'm still holding my own,

I lasted 3months last time I tried. For now I need them until I wrap up my current job.

@OP

Most mental health issues can be improved by structure. We learn by repetition and habit and so it comes down to "simple things, done well."

Psychologists know that creating structure and good habits will be more effective than trying to get to the bottom of some deep and complex issue, and so this is what you're therapist is trying to do; create a framework where you're more effective.

The result is that you'll see yourself as moire useful and it will motivate you to continue.

Eating a vegetable isn't going to make you better but having a structure that makes you go out and buy groceries among other people doing the same will. Cooking the food, eating what you've cooked and then clearing up afterwards will provide structure and increase your perceived value.

Exercising will release endorphins, but more importantly you'll get up early, set an alarm, dress correctly and go for a run.

Keep doing these simple things and they'll become a habit, you'll develop a sense of worth from them and it will refocus your attention. You'll also feel more connected with other people because you'll feel you're all following a common goal.

i think it was person right above me that said structure is key.

when i dont have work, no activities planed, etc i get myself into trouble. i dont meditate, have diet plans, excersize (i retain muscle very well), or anything but i at least plan out my day. i can not sit at home all day. absolutely can not.

thats why i did so well when i was younger, structure from my family, and in school. when i got out of school i literally just bought a lot of weed and cocaine and started having fun on my own until it hit me that i need to get a job before i self destruct. so i went into sales.

i found out that being my own boss in life insurance had no structure, so i took the 3k training bonus and left. my boss threatened me over a message on indeed saying he will do something or other to get his 3k back but never did.

anyway, then i went into finance, had deadlines every hour, and i thrived.

he is all bark and no bite like Snitch Reaper.

Jonna wrote:he is all bark and no bite like Snitch Reaper.

Jonna wrote:saucy wishes he had a real vagina.

u have daddy's attention sweety, whats the issue?

cinnamoncookie wrote:

Squaredonutwheels wrote:A ritualistic every day to day with bursts of adrenaline seems to work for me. If I don't give myself these vacations I have a tendency to self destruct.

Planning your self-destructive periods, I've never tried that. When things are going well for too long usually I'm waiting for something to go wrong until it either just does or becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe I should give this a try. How do you do this practically? Get into the woods with a hunting knife and some tape? ..no but seriously how do you do it?

The pictures in this book illustrate the idea much better than I could ever hope to achieve
https://www.amazon.com/Could-Always-Be- ... 0374436363

While the invitation to flex the details of my masochistic rituals is tempting; I suspect that talking about them won't be useful to either of us, because they are too specific to me. I'm sure if you're driven enough, you figure out what works through trial and error without my input of the specifics.