Do you even care?

solemnlysworn wrote:I have some cute way of showing I care where I need to play narcissist Mach mastermind and orchestrate things working out for everyone without them knowing I’ve meddled. I don’t express affection overtly really when it’s sincere but if I like someone I’ll give them everything I can if it fixes the issue.

-- Thu Nov 08, 2018 10:34 pm --

It’s always been my primary way of displaying affection: I’ll take care of it.

My current partner is like that too I appreciate it and don't care for the BS overt non-sense anyway. Even when typical people do it, its off putting to me...

What about you

I've come to the conclusion that I would like to be able to care more. I'd like to genuinely feel that care so that I don't have to constantly do a cost-benefit analysis for every human interaction.

I tried it last night. I was walking to a restaurant with my wife and we walked past a homeless guy. I went back and asked if he wanted something to eat. Of course he said yes, and so we walked down the road to McDonalds, bought him a meal and took it back to him.

During the process I tried to work out if there was anything below the reasoning in my head. I tried to imagine what would happen if, instead of taking him food, I scooped up a few piles of dog sh1t and took that to him in a brown paper bag.

My wife felt better afterwards and you could see the processing in her head. It made her happier.

^I know you're being genuine here, but I had to laugh when you got to the dog poop part.

My stomach hurts from laughing. fk me dead

-- Fri Nov 09, 2018 10:17 pm --

Gave him a Mcsh1tburger. A paddy made out of poop. FK imagine his face. Holy crap.

Yeah, that was all I got. It just seemed like a funny thing to do.

It's frustrating not knowing how to care. It's like maths. I want to be good at maths. I'm intelligent and earn a good living solving problems, but when it comes to maths I just hit a brick wall.

I know my brain fires differently but what the f*ck is the correlation between maths and caring?

^For me I got stuck on math because I couldn't just "accept" things. There needed to be something "accepted" to build the rest on.

Me at school: "Why is 1+1=2?". But why? What is +? What is 1? Teacher: "It just is you retard. Stop asking questions and memorize it."

I was fortunate that my mother taught me patiently and explained the basics. When I asked why is 1+1=2 she explained that right now my brain wouldn't understand even if she told me and that I had to persist even if I didn't know "why" because eventually the skill I learned would mean I could go backwards and understand the foundation of what the rest was built on. So I just practiced the methods by "faith" until I had the ability to go back and rebuild the foundation.

She was right eventually. When I learned Peano axioms they show how to make numbers from scratch. It was like the entirety of maths was floating perilously unacceptably in the air until that point, and suddenly after all the years of pretending I knew what was going on, it all had somewhere to rest. The wonky thing is that one can't learn the Peano axioms first, even though that is what numbers are built from.

I think it's the same with caring. I just try to assume I care and love just like everyone else. I have a massive suspicion that the entire thing is built on air, but I try to do a mind trick to pretend I have "faith" that after I practice enough skills, the foundation will fill in at a later date? It's a stab in the dark, but I have nothing to lose. That is why I am so resistant to people writing certain people off as saying they "can't" and never will. Some c*nts learn backwards. Assuming "faith" is the tricky part because it involves self deception, which doesn't come naturally for everyone.

I understand maths, to a point, and can accept the concept. Simple addition and multiplication etc are fairly easy but once it goes beyond that I find it really difficult to get.

I've forgotten the number of times I've tried to learn a simple way of calculating IP subnet masks, for example, and every time I think I get part of it, it just stops making sense.

recently i had conflict

friend was too high and was comatose and i shake his head like shaken baby syndrome and he didnt wake up so i kicked him in the shin then he woke up so i feel like he was faking it?

either way i only cared to wake him up so that he wouldnt back stab me and tell police i left him for dead.

i do care though. 20% care 80% self interest. when i care i care because i want the other person to treat me well as well. so maybe more like 10%/90%. IDK when i care not because of self interest thats a really hard question.

what does it feel like to care about something that has nothing to do with you?

saucygirl31 wrote:
what does it feel like to care about something that has nothing to do with you?

there was so much anger over people wearing blackface costumes this halloween. the fact that most of this outrage came from white american folks seemed largely irrelevant...so i imagine it feels like indignance

"how dare you dress up as a #######3, that's racist!"

maybe this is why i dont hold strong opinions and my interests are fleeting