justonemoreperson wrote: it's not that black and white and most people care in many ways, some of them self-motivated and some of them out of genuine concern. It all depends on who you're talking about and how interconnected you are to the person.
I agree to this. To be honest, I'm not really sure if I have any kind of caring which isn't in some way selfless. I feel I've really learned to care over the last 5 years or so.
However, what is that feeling like? It feels like I'm avoiding guilt and shame. If doing something nice means that person looks up to me or ends up giving me a positive trait in their eyes, then I care to do that. E.g. giving someone a lift, giving a gift or just being a good listener. I get positive affirmations from people when I'm helpful.
When I hear about something bad happening to someone I know, I feel awkward because I don't feel much, so I distance myself from those people.
Damn... Since I started posting on this forum I realize now what a robot I am...
But going back to onemoreperson said, I think there are shades of real caring in there mixed in with the self-benefit thing, but it's very difficult to see where the lines are drawn. Most of the time I just go by not thinking about any of this. It's only when I come on here I stop and think about what was
really going on in my head. It's a bit depressing to be completely honest. I feel like a mistake.
I will kill myself one day because no matter how I may entertain you at a house party, no matter how much my SOs love me and hold me, or people praising me for what I do. I feel nothing. I'm just here, screwing around.