Reaction to stalking by pw PDs

ZombieZ wrote:One of these is definitely the reaper goat fight!!

I'd pay to watch her fight a goat!

Reaper wrote:Why do you say you're not a psychopath. What is it about you that you think rules it out?

I'm not completely emotionless. I can.. for the most part turn empathy on and off as I choose. Default is off. I also LOVE my cats, like love (platonically, of course). I spoil them rotten. I also stopped the other day and gave a stray kitten food.. I was driving by and saw it run across the road.. emaciated. I was going to try and catch it... but couldn't.. so left food instead. Cats are my weakness!

That's why I regret putting our family cat in my pillow case and beating it when I was a kid. I started to regret that the last couple of years lol Well.. regret is a strong word. I wouldn't do that now.

Edit: Also, to add to that.. I don't think I'd fit AsPD diagnostic criteria now.. as much as I did when I was diagnosed. But that's largely just self training, I think. I know how to behave and how not to behave. When to express an appropriate emotion in any given situation.. I blend in extremely well. No one irl would ever guess I'd ever been diagnosed as AsPD... or PD'd in general. Total opposite. (Except the Psychiatrist who diagnosed me, and my GP lol)

Sturm88 wrote:

ZombieZ wrote:One of these is definitely the reaper goat fight!!

I'd pay to watch her fight a goat!

As old as I'm getting now I can still put up a pretty good fight. You'll be paying me to win cause I guarantee you, I would.

Sturm88 wrote:

Reaper wrote:Why do you say you're not a psychopath. What is it about you that you think rules it out?

I'm not completely emotionless. I can.. for the most part turn empathy on and off as I choose. Default is off. I also LOVE my cats, like love (platonically, of course). I spoil them rotten.

Psychopaths are not completely emotionless either (though, some are). They too can turn their empathy on and off. Not sure about the loving cats thing though. I don't think that necessarily rules out psychopathy.

I can't honestly say I've ever loved any pets of my own. I abused almost all of them and I've had a LOT of pets, but there were a few I liked and I did grieve over them for a short period of time when they died.

I also stopped the other day and gave a stray kitten food.. I was driving by and saw it run across the road.. emaciated. I was going to try and catch it... but couldn't.. so left food instead. Cats are my weakness!

That could indicate compassion, but I'm not really sure. I'm pretty certain compassion rules out psychopathy, but a few rare instances of it probably don't. I don't know.

How often have you tried to help stray cats?

That's why I regret putting our family cat in my pillow case and beating it when I was a kid. I started to regret that the last couple of years lol Well.. regret is a strong word. I wouldn't do that now.

Isn't what you're feeling the same as guilt and remorse, or is that different?

Edit: Also, to add to that.. I don't think I'd fit AsPD diagnostic criteria now.. as much as I did when I was diagnosed. But that's largely just self training, I think. I know how to behave and how not to behave. When to express an appropriate emotion in any given situation.. I blend in extremely well. No one irl would ever guess I'd ever been diagnosed as AsPD... or PD'd in general. Total opposite. (Except the Psychiatrist who diagnosed me, and my GP lol)

Psychopaths know how to blend in well too, though it depends on the psychopath. They're not all charming characters who can easily fool the masses. You're getting older too, so maybe you're just slowing down behavior-wise, but if the mindset is the same then you haven't really changed much.

That's how it is with me, but I still want to do all the things I used to do. I've had to slow down behavior-wise because of health issues. I'm older than you though by almost 10 years I think. So, maybe your reasons for not behaving anti-social anymore are simply due to having developed a greater sense of how to blend in better. Though, if you're not doing anything that meets the criteria for AsPD anymore then maybe you really don't have it.

What kind of self-training have you been doing?

Reaper wrote:As old as I'm getting now I can still put up a pretty good fight. You'll be paying me to win cause I guarantee you, I would.

Win or lose, it'd still be funny as hell to watch.

Reaper wrote:I can't honestly say I've ever loved any pets of my own. I abused almost all of them and I've had a LOT of pets, but there were a few I liked and I did grieve over them for a short period of time when they died.

I was cold towards all of my pets until hmmm very early 30's.. when I was able to shift and consciously really think about it and turn emotions on towards my own pets. I was never abusive towards animals at anytime during my adult life.. I just didn't care or feel anything towards them. Even still during my early days on here, I remember we'd watch cat and other animal torture gore videos and I didn't care. I think once I put on a show about it... might have been the time you were there while we were sharing videos, I don't remember... so many years ago lol About 2013/2014 I was able to start shifting my thinking there.. and connect it to an emotion. I still have to think about it at times to turn it on.. because.. like I've said, my default is off. Like the stray kitten yesterday.. I had to really think about it to do anything... my initial reaction was "Meh".

You say you grieved for a short period over the ones you liked. I was like that when I lost my cat of 17 years. I was torn up for about 2 days.. then nothing at all.. like it never happened. I've euthanized animals I felt nothing about and was 100% unaffected killing them, and there were other options other than death. Though.. I'm sure if I had wanted to.. I could have turned my empathy on for them.. but it served me no purpose.. so I didn't.

Reaper wrote:How often have you tried to help stray cats?

Just that one time lol But it still counts. I happen to have my own cat with me.. heading home from picking him up at the Vet.. he had just had a procedure done and I'd sent his own food with him but he didn't eat.. so I stopped and gave it to the stray kitten.

Reaper wrote:Isn't what you're feeling the same as guilt and remorse, or is that different?

It's hard to answer honestly sometimes.. the truth vs what's the socially acceptable thing to say lol

Right now I feel no regret over beating our cat, but I have moments where I'll feel "Ugh I shouldn't have done that. The cat did nothing to me".

Reaper wrote:You're getting older too, so maybe you're just slowing down behavior-wise, but if the mindset is the same then you haven't really changed much.

I think age and experience plays a big role. Also, being able to learn as I go along.

Reaper wrote:That's how it is with me, but I still want to do all the things I used to do. I've had to slow down behavior-wise because of health issues. I'm older than you though by almost 10 years I think. So, maybe your reasons for not behaving anti-social anymore are simply due to having developed a greater sense of how to blend in better.

I have no health issues holding me back. It's more blending in and *wanting* to behave in socially acceptable ways. It works against myself to not blend and just go around doing whatever I want with total disregard to... well anything/everything. I'm also not interested in the things I was interested in 10 - 15 years ago. It was fun to mess with people just for lols. Now.. I don't care about games or messing with people. I'll only go after someone if they give me a reason to.

Zero interest in just.. hurting or playing with someone for my own enjoyment. Well.. that's kinda true.. I do have a desire to torture and kill someone 'still' (I'd gone or was better suppressed for a few years). Not because I think hurting someone would be fun or cool.. but because I want to be close to whatever emotions they're experiencing during it. Which I don't understand.. I'm not autistic.. I can easily recognize all emotions and superficially express all emotions. So who knows what that's all about!

-- Wed Aug 29, 2018 3:52 pm --

Reaper wrote:What kind of self-training have you been doing?

Stopping and thinking, a lot. Even down to simple things like holding a door open for someone lol Being patient towards rude af people.. who I'd normally just 'accidentally' bump with my cart instead lol or poison their dog with tylenol tainted hotdogs, Instead I'll stop and think "I don't know what's going on in their life. Maybe they just got the shittiest news ever.. or whatever".. I guess working on cognitive empathy more. And just slowing down in general. I guess working on being less evil LOL

damn, i'm one uninteresting duck. never had a stalker on here. or really ever. though i had a couple dreams that people i knew were actually stalkers and believed those dreams fully. completely cut contact with the people. well, one was my 50 year old music theory teacher at community college. couldn't really drop the class. but i stopped taking music courses after that. that dirty old midget wanted to fuck me so bad. she was trying to eat my taco in the dream! my mom had a stalker after the divorce. guy reminded me of mr omega in theory. if he wasn't so incompetent i would believe he traveled to my hometown and obsessed over my mom as a bigger obsession to me.

really, i wouldn't handle a stalker well. i'm a bit paranoid. so if a real stalker ever presented themselves i'd immediately go into danger mode and think everything is life or death. honestly though, i don't think i'm the type to get one. seems like you need a certain level of...acceptance? like social acceptance. i just shut people down right away and tell them in which hole they can F themselves. and that's to other mom's at library storytimes trying to "get together" for "playdates". yeah...right, lady.