When 16 years of therepy... Fail?

So I'm new, I was diagnosed with ASPD when I was 15, by a Shrink my parents paid 200 dollars an hour to tell them there's not much to be done. I have been through every therepy out there. Meds, talk, aversion therepy, put in psych ward after psych ward, even several years of ECT. Nothing worked, not even a little. Now. I go out very rarely, due to the fact that at 31, I understand that my responses are often violent or inappropriate. It seems as I age, I am coming to understand why people do the things they do more, however, I cannot connect to those ways. Like watching animals at the zoo, feeling more and more unlike them every day, and thinking... Maybe they're just wrong? Is this something anyone else has experienced?After so many years of just not understanding why people follow unjust laws, or would respond peacefully to tings like child abuse, when my reaction is to question the system of laws, and put a child abuser in the ground, just for a few examples.

I suppose the final question hidden in the rant is this; with everything going on in the world today, how can we say anymore that regular humans are more correct, empathetic and that there is something wrong with the way we think? Why am I wrong to kill a pedophile, but they want to elect them to positions of power?

Am I really wrong? Or has anyone else thought about this. And if so, how do you reconcile the idea that there is something wrong with your thinking when "normal people" are the ones hurting, Killing, and traumatizing each other?

Dastortchen wrote:So I'm new, I was diagnosed with ASPD when I was 15, by a Shrink my parents paid 200 dollars an hour to tell them there's not much to be done. I have been through every therepy out there. Meds, talk, aversion therepy, put in psych ward after psych ward, even several years of ECT. Nothing worked, not even a little. Now. I go out very rarely, due to the fact that at 31, I understand that my responses are often violent or inappropriate. It seems as I age, I am coming to understand why people do the things they do more, however, I cannot connect to those ways. Like watching animals at the zoo, feeling more and more unlike them every day, and thinking... Maybe they're just wrong? Is this something anyone else has experienced?After so many years of just not understanding why people follow unjust laws, or would respond peacefully to tings like child abuse, when my reaction is to question the system of laws, and put a child abuser in the ground, just for a few examples.

I suppose the final question hidden in the rant is this; with everything going on in the world today, how can we say anymore that regular humans are more correct, empathetic and that there is something wrong with the way we think? Why am I wrong to kill a pedophile, but they want to elect them to positions of power?

Am I really wrong? Or has anyone else thought about this. And if so, how do you reconcile the idea that there is something wrong with your thinking when "normal people" are the ones hurting, Killing, and traumatizing each other?

They don't dx PDs before the age of 18.

I know. However, as I put in the post, rediagnosed at 18. I spent most of my life in institutions. And just Google it, there are many pediatric psychologists who believe that antisocial personality disorder can be diagnosed as early as 15. They are also usually the ones who don't believe that antisocial personality disorder patients can respond to any type of therapy. The psychologist my parents sent me to gave that diagnosis to my mother, who I double checked with. Please keep in mind as well, this was 16 years ago, and diagnosis in children has changed a lot since thenn. You don't Know my story.

Interesting support group.

Therapy did not fail. You did.

Don't be like others, be functional.

Or give up.

Dastortchen wrote:So I'm new, I was diagnosed with ASPD when I was 15

No, you weren't.

Well.. you're not supposed to diagnose PDs before 18.. but it actually happens more often than it should.

I'd doubt a psychiatrist would diagnosed a 15 year old with AsPD though.. more like Conduct Disorder. When I was 14.. I was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder and borderline conduct disorder by a forensic psychiatrist, since I was in juvenile detention at the time.

Dastortchen wrote:Why am I wrong to kill a pedophile, but they want to elect them to positions of power?

I don't think it's wrong to kill a pedophile.. but those stupid laws do. I've had those thoughts too.

Dastortchen wrote:how do you reconcile the idea that there is something wrong with your thinking when "normal people" are the ones hurting, Killing, and traumatizing each other?

How do you know they're normal? Maybe they're just higher functioning than you.

Sturm88 wrote:Well.. you're not supposed to diagnose PDs before 18.. but it actually happens more often than it should.

I'd doubt a psychiatrist would diagnosed a 15 year old with AsPD though.. more like Conduct Disorder. When I was 14.. I was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder and borderline conduct disorder by a forensic psychiatrist, since I was in juvenile detention at the time.

Dastortchen wrote:Why am I wrong to kill a pedophile, but they want to elect them to positions of power?

I don't think it's wrong to kill a pedophile.. but those stupid laws do. I've had those thoughts too.

Thank you. I had had a long psychiatric history before the first diagnosis, and had been diagnosed with ODD, depression, anxiety, dissasociative disorders, OCD... Also by juvenile detention center staffs before this. My parents took me to the private doctor who introduced me to this diagnosis after I assaulted a second police officer. This was a scared private psychiatrist, things happen that aren't supposed to in a field like personality disorders, sometimes do. We still don't know the exact cause of ASPD and every case is different. I was under the impression most people with ASPD had higher IQs, but obviously that's not going to be the case on the internet, especially with all the self diagnosis I'm seeing on this site. LOL.

That was supposed to be the point here. I'm fairly high functioning, I have a house, family, people I consider friends and assets. I gained a lot of control and understanding with age. But when I watch their laws and systems fail, as with the pedophile example, I'm unsure as to what exactly I got all that therapy. It seems to me that violence and lack of impulse control are the new social norms.

It's more a feeling of... Why? Why continue to conform to unjust laws? I understand the concept of consequence. However, I now that I've stopped the face smashing of my youth and have settled into years of self control, sometimes I wonder. What happens when society changes so drastically, "ethically"? Because some days I feel that we patients have switched places with our care providers. That these people are... Idiots. And following the rules of idiots is... Pointless. Just chasing your tail.

I don't know. I appreciate the vent, if nothing else.

Dastortchen wrote:After so many years of just not understanding why people follow unjust laws, or would respond peacefully to tings like child abuse, when my reaction is to question the system of laws, and put a child abuser in the ground, just for a few examples.

These things are normal enough. Lots of people don't follow unjust laws, and responding peacefully to child abuse is extremely rare. If you really think this is how people are, it's more likely your perception of other people that's off.

I don't mean this as an insult, but if you feel this disconnected from other people, you might be on the autism spectrum.

fiveintime wrote:

Dastortchen wrote:After so many years of just not understanding why people follow unjust laws, or would respond peacefully to tings like child abuse, when my reaction is to question the system of laws, and put a child abuser in the ground, just for a few examples.

These things are normal enough. Lots of people don't follow unjust laws, and responding peacefully to child abuse is extremely rare. If you really think this is how people are, it's more likely your perception of other people that's off.

I don't mean this as an insult, but if you feel this disconnected from other people, you might be on the autism spectrum.

No offense taken. However, the disconnect hasn't always been there. It's something that has grown with the more I see people reacting... Wrong. The pedophile example is simply the one I've seen the most. I also live pretty close to Ferguson, Mo, and STL is kinda #######5, justice wise. But... Their often never even charged, and convictions are really low. There was an instance I experienced personally recently, where a man that my SO and I know from a coffee shop that's local. He tried to abduct a 14 year old girl and her 11 year old sister into his car. Also,not his first offense. He was arrested for dating a 14 year old when he was in his 20s. The cops explained they can't do anything unless they caught him in the act.

So. My reaction is to run him out, run him trough, but everyone I talk to just says, let the cops handle it. And all I can think is.... "So we have to wait until a child is abused to punish him in any way."

As ###$ up as this is about to sound, what truly frustrates me is the just.... Stupidity of it. This is an easily fixed problem.

But everyone is still sipping on their coffee. They're rude to him, but he's still there. And so now it just continues.

Simply makes my ######6 head hurt.