Warped reaction?

So I noticed my outside behavior is turned upside down in relation to what's going on inside my mind.
To let you understand i'll say about two most prominent aspects of this phenomenon.

For one, the more I dislike someone, the nicer I am to them.
Another thing is that when I'm down real low, negative thoughts, self harm and hopelessness peak, I appear overly happy.

What could this be? Am I in denial or what?

Can you relate, have you ever noticed something similiar in yourself?

Share your thoughts, please.

I can't relate to being nice to people that I don't like...for the most part I couldn't give a sh*t about people either way but if I don't like somebody - and it has to be to a reason- then I'm not nice to them at all.

I get what you're saying about putting on a pretend face to cover up being depressed...I have done this type of thing before but not because of depression it just because otherwise I'm expressionless so I feel like I should pretend there's something there or else people would notice that I'm not quite right.

Do you think you put on a face to protect people?

otherwise I'm expressionless

Actually, the situations I wrote about are the only times when I'm not expressionless.

Do you think you put on a face to protect people?

I sometimes think that people getting involved with me end up worse off than they were before they met me.

keep your friends close etc?

discourtesy is rarely, if ever called for. personally, the only people i "dislike" are people who i have reason to distrust and who also have some form of potential influence in my affairs. antagonizing such a situation is just silly. there is no need to be rude to someone, even if you dislike them. it creates resistance, it legitimizes their behavior which is probably frustrating to begin with, and it may add fuel to an already kindling fire, which if you care about them enough to dislike them, probably means they are in a position to influence your life, for better or worse.

it may be warped but what isn't

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u02tycroA30

ArchCannon wrote:So I noticed my outside behavior is turned upside down in relation to what's going on inside my mind.
To let you understand i'll say about two most prominent aspects of this phenomenon.

For one, the more I dislike someone, the nicer I am to them.
Another thing is that when I'm down real low, negative thoughts, self harm and hopelessness peak, I appear overly happy.

What could this be? Am I in denial or what?

What it is is the inhibition of the expression of negative emotion and compensation with a display of positive emotion. Why is more of a mystery and you’ve provided no were near enough information here to take a stab at it. Although if your looking for some edgy emotionally pleasing reason I doubt there is one. Looked at from the perspective of personality I might think it stems from some form of defensive appeasement but it could as easily be something to do with ASD for all I know.

Is this a pervasive pattern throughout your life or something that only occurs with one person or situation?

Why do you think you are you stopping yourself from displaying negative emotionality?
What happens emotionally if you display (or try to display) your actual emotions?

Can you relate, have you ever noticed something similiar in yourself?

Nope

It's a pervasive pattern throughout my life.

When I try to display emotions it looks incredibly fake and makes the already fleeting emotions go away even faster, in addition to making them less intensive.

I wouldn't say I'm stopping myself from displaying emotions. It just that it doesn't come intuitively. As I assume most people express their emotions automatically, without thinking about it. But this definitely is not a thing is my case.
To me it's a conscious mental effort.

ArchCannon wrote:It's a pervasive pattern throughout my life.

When I try to display emotions it looks incredibly fake and makes the already fleeting emotions go away even faster, in addition to making them less intensive.

Maybe that's because you're trying to display real emotion rather than just faking emotion.

I learned to fake emotion well from a young age. Some of it I learned by mimicking actors in movies and some through practice of manipulation. It's not hard to do, so I don't know why you're struggling with it.

Psychopaths are adept at faking emotion. So, either you're not one or maybe you're a bit of an autistic one, like jomp seems to be (going by some of his posts on emotion, he can't even read people well).

I do respect how she wants to square up even after getting continually bested. But there is something in this for her that is so deep.. such a big part of her very identity, that you have to let her win some of the time. We want to keep her happy, because we all know how her father ended out. And this forum wouldn't be the same without her.

Guess That Autist

What could this be? Am I in denial or what?

You sound bored, who would think about this if they weren’t. What problems does it cause?

Maybe you are in denial as I said before because you didn’t seem to want to consider asking for a second opinion and I can’t think of a motive for that other than you wanting to be diagnosed with ASPD for whatever reason, good or dumb.

Not enough information in OP to give input, but combined with your other posts this sounds like an autism related problem to me, whether you also have ASPD or not.

Can you relate, have you ever noticed something similiar in yourself?

Not really.

cutecactus wrote:What could this be? Am I in denial or what?

You sound bored, who would think about this if they weren’t. What problems does it cause?

Maybe you are in denial as I said before because you didn’t seem to want to consider asking for a second opinion and I can’t think of a motive for that other than you wanting to be diagnosed with ASPD for whatever reason, good or dumb.

Not enough information in OP to give input, but combined with your other posts this sounds like an autism related problem to me, whether you also have ASPD or not.

Can you relate, have you ever noticed something similiar in yourself?

Not really.

It causes difficulties in understanding and being understood, a problem of isolation.

I'm not a moron one would have to be to want an ASPD diagnosis.

Anyway, not the worst idea. I already went ahead and posted this on the autism forum.
Thanks for input.