Brothers and Sisters

by **cutecactus** » Sat Jul 21, 2018 1:28 am

naps wrote:Why?

It’s more of a feeling than anything else but we have childhood memories at least, experienced the same parents and family in general, look like each other, etc. and those are not things a friendship or surrogate could provide. Somehow we also ended up having exactly some of the same kind of experiences and hobbies and interests without knowing the other had them too at the time. If I became an aunt I’d want to know. No racism but I think genetics are being underrated here.

Not the main issue and I’m not looking to exploit him or anything but it would also just be practical in the case of an emergency (anything he’d legally have a say in if I didn’t if my parents died like institutionalization, coma, death, whatever).

RogueKing wrote:Depends on the person and the culture. For some, blood is blood is blood.

That doesn’t mean it’s rational and the option to rationalize is pretty cool if he does end up hating me forever because Raven and naps are probably right.

I have two brothers that I know of but I haven't got a clue where they are as I was put into care at an early age and later adopted.

I also have a stepbrother and two stepsisters who I haven't seen or heard of for well over twenty years...

As far as I'm concerned we are all pretty much f*cked...

Did have a bond wit my stepbrother when I was young but that's about it...never bonded with anyone else.

by **Sejanus114** » Sun Jul 22, 2018 12:16 am

If you read everything, do you have some advice on how to get through to him? Does this sound like there’s any chance on reconsiliation? Would it even be worth it?
tl;dr

Got any siblings? Are they also fuked up or did they turn out “normal”?
3 sisters, 2 older 1 younger

What has your relationship with them been like? What’s it like now?
Nonexistent. I sexually assaulted two of them as a child before I was taken away.

How did they discover you have a mental illness/ASPD and what was their response?
I Can’t remember

by **seabreezeblue** » Sun Jul 22, 2018 8:57 am

cutecactus wrote:If you read everything, do you have some advice on how to get through to him? Does this sound like there’s any chance on reconsiliation? Would it even be worth it?

the only way you're going to be able to get through to him is by slowly gaining his trust over time, and showing him that a sibling relationship with you is going to be worthwhile.
He's got his whole childhood to look back on and unless there are any good memories of you in there, he'll be thinking that it's not worth it.

I've got a few brothers and sisters, i don't talk to 2 of them.. there's no point. Although we share blood, and a history together, and i'd like a relationship with them - it's just too difficult and i've walked away to protect myself.

The question is, do you care enough about your brother to build a relationship with him now? one where you treat him as an equal and always put his needs and wishes at the same level of importance as your own?

My parents at least tolerated the apology which is more than I can say for my brother but I think it’s because he doesn’t have the life experience to understand shlt just happens. He doesn’t seem to get I didn’t wake up one day and decided hey you know what, I’m gonna make everybody’s life more difficult because I can! Let’s go mental!

with your parents, it's more likely that they accepted/tolerated your apology because they love you, than because they have greater life experience than your brother.
Your brother doesn't have that parent-child bond/feeling with you, so he isn't viewing things the same way.

by **ArchCannon** » Sun Jul 22, 2018 2:11 pm

I'd say not worth it, but if you try to reconcile you shouldn't have regrets about him.

I have an older sister. She turned out normal.

When we were little, we used to fight a lot.
Then we were getting along just fine.
Now since she moved out, we're effectively like total strangers.
And those few times a year when we do see each other face to face, she's nice to me on the surface, but I can't help but sense some underlying resentment.

And no, she doesn't know about my diagnosis (knows about Asperger's but not AsPD). But from what I can tell from her behavior, I think she feels something's off.
But neither me nor my parents are interested in making things between us even more worse.

by **xSid** » Sun Jul 22, 2018 5:31 pm

No siblings

cutecactus wrote:He doesn’t care about my side of the story, I’m a villain, period. I just want to have a relatively normal relationship with my brother and at least not have him as an enemy.

Why? If he clearly doesn't want a normal relationship with you, why are you trying to form one? You cannot make him care for your side. And, assuming he is an adult, he probably is aware that he doesn't know the full story. He just doesn't care for the full story and is determined to make you the bad guy. It's probably easier for him to not know the full story, so that he can make you the bad guy. Even if you managed to make him listen, the relationship will probably always have a passive aggression and a "back then you did this" component

Neither of you really has an obligation to have a good relationship with eachother, just cause you are brothers

by **FormallyZach31** » Tue Jul 31, 2018 8:39 am

Got any siblings? Are they also fuked up or did they turn out “normal”?
only a brother that is worth mentioning. He is very antisocial and doesnt leave his house much at all

What has your relationship with them been like? What’s it like now?
we are fairly close

How did they discover you have a mental illness/ASPD and what was their response?
same reaction as to when I found out. not a big deal. A random person with a so called degree gets to try and label me and im just supposed to take his word for it?
I don't buy into it, he was a lazy fu.ck just like most in that field who throws a diagnosis at people because that is what is easy.

by **user447135** » Tue Jul 31, 2018 10:57 am

cutecactus wrote:Personal situation, reason and context for making this thread;

Because I was institutionalized during the time brothers and sisters are supposed to grow a bond and I had other shlt on my mind, me and my younger brother are like strangers to each other. We didn’t see each other at all for at least, say, 4 years starting in my early teens. After that very sporadically and never alone. He’s pretty normal and doesn’t really understand how mental illness works nor is he interested in learning about it.

Now I finally get to see him more and try to build a relationship but it’s like he’s been brainwashed by my parents. He doesn’t want to get to know me or at least acts like he already does and what he thinks he knows is simply put bad and inaccurate. What he blames my negative behavior on, mental illness or my own will, depends on whatever he feels like blaming it on at the moment.

He accused me of traumatizing him by “not letting him have a normal childhood”. All he probably went through was hearing some yelling from the attic if he wasn’t watching TV and seeing the police show up. My mother was bruised sometimes but I never physically abused him and he knew very well I wouldn’t have. I didn’t tarnish his reputation in any way, different schools. It pisses me off he’s like this. He doesn’t care about my side of the story, I’m a villain, period. I just want to have a relatively normal relationship with my brother and at least not have him as an enemy.

The actual questions;

If you read everything, do you have some advice on how to get through to him? Does this sound like there’s any chance on reconsiliation? Would it even be worth it?

Got any siblings? Are they also fuked up or did they turn out “normal”?

What has your relationship with them been like? What’s it like now?

How did they discover you have a mental illness/ASPD and what was their response?

I did some horrible things to my younger sister. I had to work at our relationship and it took several years... I was consistent and just had to earn it all from scratch. It meant I was the one putting pretty much all the effort in for the first couple of years.. which at times was annoying, but I had to put myself in her shoes and consistently remind myself why things were they way they were.

Whether your brother does or doesn't have actual trauma from the situation (I don't know your backstory), he seems to think he does so approach it like he does and work at building the relationship from there.

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