Life Goals

Reaper wrote:

cutecactus wrote:Both what JOMP and Reaper are saying sound to me, a non, like things you can train yourself to do eventually? Is this the curse of ASPD or do you not understand the process yet?

What process are you referring to?

The process of training yourself to do things you hate to achieve something you love, like getting a boat, losing weight, whatever. It’s a skill some people don’t learn as kids but they can still learn how to do it later in life. People diagnosed with ASPD may or may not have biological issues with this depending on the person because a brain scan is not required for a diagnosis. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a PD thing so if your PD isn’t causing it you can learn how to change it.

Reaper wrote:

Is there even a way to prove this other than your word?

Prove what?

Which one it is.

I think it’s possible to make small changes over time and improve your life or learn to better adapt your response no matter what condition you have. ASPD and most cluster b personality disorders tend to decrease in severity as we age so unless the condition has landed you in jail for the remainder of your life improvement can be made.

cutecactus wrote:The process of training yourself to do things you hate to achieve something you love, like getting a boat, losing weight, whatever. It’s a skill some people don’t learn as kids but they can still learn how to do it later in life. People diagnosed with ASPD may or may not have biological issues with this depending on the person because a brain scan is not required for a diagnosis. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a PD thing so if your PD isn’t causing it you can learn how to change it.

People with synesthesia can physically see music. If you can't then you can't learn to do it, as it's a biological difference in the brain preventing the process from working. In my case I did have a scan, so I'm pretty resigned to the fact that I'm not able, and am never going to be able, to do certain things.

I do agree that if AspD is caused by early trauma / abuse / fear of carrots or whatever, then it could potentially be learned, as the pathways existed at birth. However, from non-use for many years, the synaptic links might be so under-used that the effect would be the same as if it were from birth. It would have to be caught early to make a reasonable 'recovery', I would imagine.

Personally, I find that accepting that certain things can't be done and working with them is less frustrating that trying to get things to do things they can't do.

I can't plan but I can create a process to follow when things happen. For example, when a letter comes through the post I have to deal with, I don't let myself put it down until I've dealt with it. Once done, I go and do something I want.

That way, bills get paid and I have the money to do the stuff I want to do. Create a process, set short-term rewards for following the process and accept that you're never going to have a ten-year plan.

It works maybe 60% of the time.

justonemoreperson wrote:
People with synesthesia can physically see music. If you can't then you can't learn to do it, as it's a biological difference in the brain preventing the process from working. In my case I did have a scan, so I'm pretty resigned to the fact that I'm not able, and am never going to be able, to do certain things.

I do agree that if AspD is caused by early trauma / abuse / fear of carrots or whatever, then it could potentially be learned, as the pathways existed at birth. However, from non-use for many years, the synaptic links might be so under-used that the effect would be the same as if it were from birth. It would have to be caught early to make a reasonable 'recovery', I would imagine.

Personally, I find that accepting that certain things can't be done and working with them is less frustrating that trying to get things to do things they can't do.

I can't plan but I can create a process to follow when things happen. For example, when a letter comes through the post I have to deal with, I don't let myself put it down until I've dealt with it. Once done, I go and do something I want.

That way, bills get paid and I have the money to do the stuff I want to do. Create a process, set short-term rewards for following the process and accept that you're never going to have a ten-year plan.

It works maybe 60% of the time.

“In reality, none of us have anything unique and special, only extremes of behaviours and thoughts that exist in everyone. Therefore, anyone can change; maybe not to the same degree but to 'not be able to change' doesn't make you disordered; it makes you a potato.

The minute we associate with traits and see them as the sum total of what we are, we become the potato”

I don’t understand how these two statements don’t contradict one another? On one hand your saying anyone who can’t change is a potato and then say because of your condition you are incapable of certain changes. You find certain processes that help deal with the problems but that’s different than making changes to your personality.

In my second post I was talking about behaviours that can limit the effects.

We can change our behaviour but we cannot change what cannot be changed, so focus on the behaviours that can. If you can't change at all then you are, in fact, a potato. You'd still be sh1tting your pants and crying for milk.

Biology doesn't dictate behavior, it influences it. You have the ultimate say. You can't consciously recognize a behavior as detrimental, chalk it up to biology, and not call yourself what you are, a rat. A heroin junkie writhing in life's juices.

I find my plans to often be extravagant and unrealistic upon reflection. It's not a lack of conscientiousness, but more a misdirected effort. What motivates me is not hedonism, but I do live and base my goals on the present. Doesn't mean I don't make plans, I make them when necessary, and ensure, to the best of my abilities, that they are pragmatic rather than idealistic. It's better to overperform your estimation than to underperform it.

Siegfried wrote:It's better to overperform your estimation than to underperform it.

Aim high, shoot low.

My goals are certainly unattainable at the moment, but i can over-perform on the baby steps to feel like i'm making progress on the way.

When i worked at the bank, i would always tell my clients that i would get their reports sent to them in an hour, and it always turned out to be 30 minutes. Much better this way than the opposite.

Siegfried wrote:Biology doesn't dictate behavior, it influences it. You have the ultimate say.

That's what people like to think. But the only reason we developed the ability for critical thinking as animals is to get better at fulfilling those base desires like food, shelter, survival, and sex. Just look around you.

RogueKing wrote:

Siegfried wrote:Biology doesn't dictate behavior, it influences it. You have the ultimate say.

That's what people like to think. But the only reason we developed the ability for critical thinking as animals is to get better at fulfilling those base desires like food, shelter, survival, and sex. Just look around you.

It doesn't matter what the reason is. Nature runs on a stupid principle. Life was generated unintelligently, why should I consciously base my morals on it? You have the ability to think, I'm saying that's a greater value than cheeseburgers.

Like most people, I struggle to balance goals and instant gratification. I do have long term goals that would improve my quality of life and be conductive of better experiences but the day-to-day maintenance of achieving them falls short of the temptation to go do a line and go out or to make more money for stuff to do short term rather than improve my life long term.

I even have a fairly solid plan that could be executed without stretching beyond what is realistic but currently my motivation to reach for it is small. Where I'm at right now is sustainable and I'm having a good time though so perhaps no intervention is needed. Already I see the potential to feel it stale and should use that to leverage those other goals when the time comes but rational and emotional brain don't work together for me very well with this stuff.

Those goals are being met but much more slowly than I could go about it.