Reinforcement

Robert1971 wrote:My diagnoses are PTSD and antisocial personality disorder and suspected bipolar I (not confirmed yet).

My parents neglected me so I was put in foster care when I was about 3 years old. My foster parents didn't believe in positive reinforcement, but they seemed to enjoy smacking me around for a bit. Their own child never got punished for anything he did, but I was the center of their loose hands. Also, when my foster mother thought I needed cooling off, she'd hold my head under the running tap.

I'd say they focused on the negative in my behavior, positive reinforcement was not something they were particularly good at.

Ah, so you were like Harry Potter but worse.

VernonJenkins wrote:Ah, so you were like Harry Potter but worse.

No owls came to my rescue, no.

I'm trying to remember what sort of reinforcement my parents used and I think they were largely out of their depth. They were both professional people who preferred to reason things out than punish but whatever they tried, I didn't get what they were trying to do.

My father complained that an old garage at the end of the street was dangerous and could fall down, so I set it on fire. My rationale was that I was helping, so often punishment never registered as being associated with a wrongful act.

I sometimes surprised them with 'good' behaviour: they were into the church and it needed a new gravel path to the front door. So, I went and talked to some workmen who were working on the road a few streets over and explained what was needed. They called their boss and, hearing that it was for the local church, they turned up the following day and relaid tarmac on the path for free.

The 'problem' was that both of the above incidents didn't register as being right or wrong, just solutions to problems.

If they locked me in my room, I'd climb out of the window. Once my father smacked me so I pissed on the sofa. I saw being taken to the doctor as a punishment, as it often followed some form of unacceptable behaviour but we'd often take long bus / train rides to go to different doctors, which I liked.

As an adult, my mother told me that she often felt that I didn't realise I was part of a family and behaved as if I was just living with some people, although I do recognise some personality traits from my parents in me, so they must have had an influence. My father was an electrical engineer and that's sort of the direction I ended up working in.

My mother actively conditioned me into becoming her fuking safe place since I was a baby using positive mostly and negative passively. My dad didn't care about my behavior as long as my grades were good or the equivalent of that, if I did something wrong he'd become physically abusive

(BPD)

Father left mother when I was a few weeks old. This idiot had been under the impression that my mom would become a different, more pleasant person after shItting out a child. She did not, so he went to Aruba and made with another, even more annoying woman. He is a people pleaser, so I recieved no restricitions from him.

My mom is a child psychologist so she has a high feeling of entitlement when it comes to raising kids, but she was also too lonely and emotionally invested.

She tried to put down boundries in the strangest ways: She'd buy a lamp with white splashes of paint on it and she told me that I could have it on my desk only if I swore repeatedly not to paint the splashes red. She was terrified to ruin my innocence, even while truth was supposedly her greatest value.

She once made my father run his car into me and drive me through the bushes because I didn't want to go to sports practice and she had already paid for the lesson and once she gave me a concussion to take a piece of clothing off because she felt like it was a bad influence but generally she is trying very hard to be resourceful.

KvotheTheRaven wrote:if you achieved something were your achievements acknowledged positively or were they ignored?

If you misbehaved were you punished?

Did they focus more on correcting "bad behaviour" than rewarding "good behaviour" or vice versa?

My achievements were more acknowledged by my mother. My father's way of expressing it was far more subtle, if there at all.

I was punished.. But i kept getting punish over and over, for the same things, so they more or less gave up and accepted that that's what i do? Something like that.

They focused on correcting bad behavior more often, because there was more of it.

KvotheTheRaven wrote:What kind of reinforcement did you receive as a child?

Did your parents/caregivers lean more towards positive or negative reinforcement? For example, if you achieved something were your achievements acknowledged positively or were they ignored? If you misbehaved were you punished? Did they focus more on correcting "bad behaviour" than rewarding "good behaviour" or vice versa?

Please state your DX (or suspected DX) when answering.

ASPD diagnosis. As a kid I was punished for everything I did, bad behavior or not, and for a few things I didn't do, just because I was the "usual suspect" for everything wrong in the planet.

With my kids, I don't believe in reinforcement, positive or negative. I have always tried to just act naturally with my big daughter and only repress my anger. If I found the shits she did funny, I would tell her so, if she was an annoying little piece of $#%^, I'd tell her, etc. Basically was trying to treat her as I would treat an adult (ofc cutting her some slack)

-- Mon Jul 16, 2018 12:33 am --

Robert1971 wrote: My foster parents didn't believe in positive reinforcement, but they seemed to enjoy smacking me around for a bit. Their own child never got punished for anything he did, but I was the center of their loose hands. Also, when my foster mother thought I needed cooling off, she'd hold my head under the running tap.

I'd say they focused on the negative in my behavior, positive reinforcement was not something they were particularly good at.

That resonates with me as well. I grew up in a religious institution and the teachers there basically did not believe in positive reinforcement. Doing "good" things was our duty, nothing to be acknowledged, but doing "bad" things would get us a beating

I don't know how to answer this because what ever happened wasn't normal.

We didn't get reinforcement for behaving because we was encouraged to misbehave...I watched on as she thrashed my stepbrother with a dog lead and then she turned her back as my stepbrother did the same to me...I don't know how this affected my behaviour in a good or bad way but there was very little incentive for us to do the right thing.

I'm diagnosed with ADHD, Aspergers BPD and SPD.

I don't believe any of my diagnosis to be true. I think I'm just f*cked.

I don't mind the meds though.

If you do well you can do what you want

Be aggressive and violent though and we don’t want you around