Self-sabotaging behavior/patterns

PavlovsPuddyTat wrote:

Eurus wrote:I try to get the most out of people. By that I seem to mean that I push them until they don't remember who they are. They will feel powerless and (attempt to) break stuff, which is not necessarily in my best interest.

Are you implying that you engage in some indirect self-sabotage ?

I'm not sure in what way you try to get the most out of ppl and self-sabotage by doing so. But I would assume that you mean manipulation. If you are a skilled manipulator I would also assume that you wouldn't have problems with people attempting to break stuff in the first place. Their powerlessness would lie in their compliance and docility that they supposedly have ended up in when they become amnesiacs. Since your victims still attempt (and consequently fail i would assume) breaking stuff when they are powerless there should be no harm done I would assume and consequently no self-sabotage.

Intetesting take! I did refer to manipulation, so certain powerlessness is an aim in itself. However attempt to damage my property, is a way of trying to get back control over their lives. I have heard the sentence "I feel like this is the only control I still have over my life." I have yet to determine the best response in this situation. I can't very well glue everything together, can I? So messy.

Eurus wrote:

PavlovsPuddyTat wrote:

Eurus wrote:I try to get the most out of people. By that I seem to mean that I push them until they don't remember who they are. They will feel powerless and (attempt to) break stuff, which is not necessarily in my best interest.

Are you implying that you engage in some indirect self-sabotage ?

I'm not sure in what way you try to get the most out of ppl and self-sabotage by doing so. But I would assume that you mean manipulation. If you are a skilled manipulator I would also assume that you wouldn't have problems with people attempting to break stuff in the first place. Their powerlessness would lie in their compliance and docility that they supposedly have ended up in when they become amnesiacs. Since your victims still attempt (and consequently fail i would assume) breaking stuff when they are powerless there should be no harm done I would assume and consequently no self-sabotage.

Intetesting take! I did refer to manipulation, so certain powerlessness is an aim in itself. However attempt to damage my property, is a way of trying to get back control over their lives. I have heard the sentence "I feel like this is the only control I still have over my life." I have yet to determine the best response in this situation. I can't very well glue everything together, can I? So messy.

It doesn't seem uncommon that there is correlation between lack of inner control and the need to control life, things, life-processes outside of oneself. My sis is like that - every internal chaos is building up she become extremely demanding and try to control everything and everyone around her. She destroys in the process. There is no control in any of that really. Just destruction that leads to nothing good - not for her nor anyone else.

I don't really see a need to damage in order to take or feel in control. Damage is lack-of control for me. Power do not have to entail destruction, or destruction of other lives - nor ones own for that matter. For me power is more linked with creation than anything else - nondestructive creation.

RogueKing wrote: it makes me feel good knowing that you will die living in a cycle of destruction

Why?

Reaper wrote:

PavlovsPuddyTat wrote:Is all of this self-sabotaging behavior rooted in the feeling of boredom or are there other reasons?

For me it's rooted in laziness (not wanting to work and not taking care of my health properly) and a general 'I don't give a fuk' attitude to life. Also being impulsive at times and having low frustration tolerance doesn't help. Sometimes my self-sabotage/self-destructive behavior isn't intentional.

What do you mean that you self-destructive behavior is not intentional? I can imagine that impulsivity can lead to that. I can be quite impulsive as well. I prefer to call myself adventurous though

PavlovsPuddyTat wrote:

Reaper wrote:

PavlovsPuddyTat wrote:Is all of this self-sabotaging behavior rooted in the feeling of boredom or are there other reasons?

For me it's rooted in laziness (not wanting to work and not taking care of my health properly) and a general 'I don't give a fuk' attitude to life. Also being impulsive at times and having low frustration tolerance doesn't help. Sometimes my self-sabotage/self-destructive behavior isn't intentional.

What do you mean that you self-destructive behavior is not intentional? I can imagine that impulsivity can lead to that. I can be quite impulsive as well. I prefer to call myself adventurous though

Adventurous is one way of looking at it, lol. I like that.

I mean when I'm doing impulsive shlt I'm not thinking about what I'm doing, I'm just doing it. It can be unintentionally self-destructive because I really don't have any control in those situations. Sometimes I make impulsive decisions too. I have control over the decision-making process in that situation, but I'm still not thinking things through.

I've been thinking about this and I honestly don't know how impulsive I really am because I don't give my behavior much thought outside this forum, so I can't self-assess very well.

A few weeks back I showed my sister a psych report one of the psychologist's wrote for me years ago when I needed it back then and it mentions that I have good self-control. She said, "I'm surprised he wrote that because you're very impulsive". I told her that I wasn't completely honest with him and she understood then.

I do wonder how impulsive I am in comparison to others here with AsPD/psychopathy, and those who have some strong traits of it. Sometimes I do seem to have enough self-control to plan things, but I rarely follow the plan.

Anyway, I'm going to do a thread about this soon. Maybe throw in a few tests just for fun and curiosity as well if I can find any decent ones on impulsivity and self-control.

Self sabotage? Sounds like something just up my alley.
For starters, wasting my life away playing video games and watching netflix. Instead of doing or learning something productive.
Then there's avoiding social life whenever it's less than pleasant. Deliberately not caring about my health.
And the icing on the cake, cutting my own body to feel better short-term despite knowing I'll feel worse in the long run.

PavlovsPuddyTat wrote:
Where would that self-hatred come from you think? Upbringing?

wow I forgot I already made this thread

Guess this is closer to what I actually wanted to discuss. I know I said "behavior" and you all did enlist behaviors of you that you do see as self-sabotaging. But I am really more interested on the patterns and on the, for lack of a better word, "mental short-circuit" that results to self-sabotage

I guess self hatred might be a sort of mental gymnastics that can lead you to self-sabotage

Another mental self-knockout that I lately realize myself of doing a lot is my inability, or unwillingness, idk, to think things through. I made yesterday another thread about decisions that kind of touches this. I realized lately that my decision making is a slightly inefficient process. I do have an automatic preference to only take decisions that are not binding, meaning I sort of secretly want to take the decision, cause that's how things will move on, but I also want to be able to back off it after taking. In the end though, my actual decision making is kind of erratic, ignoring all the thought process behind it and just do the first thing that comes to mind

False sense of invincibility is another big one. I can understand that things might not go the way I want them to, I am perfectly capable of visualize in my mind all the ways that things can go wrong. But ultimately I act as if it is not really possible for things to not go the way I want them. And that's not even counting the times when things go the way I want them, and then realize that this is not what I wanted a all

Both these thought patterns can end up with results I am okay with. Plus I am fairly easygoing as a person and I can live with basically any result of my actions, I adapt fine to situations. But I induce so much randomnity in my life and I am thinking that this alone is kind of self-sabotaging as a thought process

Yes, I have a pattern. It’s usually when I feeling really good about myself, I decide I have earned a nice little alcohol fueled bender. That usually destroys whatever I was working at to begin with.

I just ruin my relationships by showing the, and sometimes telling them, how crazy I am. I just want to find someone who understands me and doesn’t get scared off easily, so it’s kind of on purpose, but not because I don’t mean to scare them away. I know I should always hide myself, especially from the people I want to stick around, but I just can’t hide forever. It’s annoying.

I am not that nice and I sometimes show it through my humor and guys like nice girls, apparently. I thought they liked smart girls, but I was 100% incorrect. I am pretty attractive and nice girls who are ugly take the guys that I want from me. I may also say stupid things like, “I’m probably going to marry my ex,” but that was my attempt at lighting a fire under the guy’s butt, he would ask me out. It was also partly true because he got me an engagement ring and I was trying to be faithful, even though we were going through tough times. I’m pretty bad at getting guys to marry me. I can get them to sleep with me and buy me things and want to be around me 24/7, but something about long term relationships just makes my brain do and say the dumbest things.

I can totally relate to the first part of your post, ChallengeSeeker.

Although I gotta admit, something like this about your ex is a major turn off, at least it would be to me.
Hey, think about it. Maybe long-term commitments just aren't for you.