Situational Empathy

If you are someone who experiences emotional empathy, can you control it or is it automatic?

Can you list some examples of situations that caused you to experience either positive or negative emotional empathy?

I experience it subconsciously, thus it moves to an awareness that gradually builds up, or ramps up fast.

I get the empathy transmission mostly from voice tone or intonation.

Through it i can feel what they are feeling, though if they cry i probably wont cry, but i might have a sad face, or if it is enthusiasm i can have a genuine smile.

Here's an interesting example of empathy in action working through a group of people:

I was in immediate care in the waiting room and some guy pops in and stands there, and his fiance who works there, walks through the door and he drops down to one knee and proposes in marriage. He was of the sort a very emotional guy - a high strung dramatic fellow.

The empathy shown there varies through a dozen people. I smiled from his enthusiasm and felt that enthusiasm a bit, where my wife was vocal about it and you could hear her excitement through her voice: Alright!" Etc.

Others there also were excited, more or less. I said congratulations.

Here's another example of feeling something and that is through some of the posters here, who post emotively in this subforum.

I wont name names, but the problems spelled out, put a spell on me, in that they make me squirm, making me want to do something to help. I feel compassion in a general sense. But, at the same it gets squelched out because there isn't a solution because it is born out through the disorder. I feel frustrated without solutions. And funnier yet, they are not my problems, but .... they move me.

Sometimes i wonder if i'm disordered at all via this M.O.

What disorder/s were you diagnosed with? (Assuming you were)

There is something special about the social aspect of empathy - I can recognize the example you describe. It can be a powerful feeling when being with others and people get affected in a similar way.

I think the feelings of empathy can occur in all sorts of situations. When witnessing something that happens the same moment in the same contexts, if hearing someone talking about something that has happened (without one witnessing it). I am actually not sure of they make any distinctions between different types of empathy in the light of time, space, context etc. I haven't come across such literature myself. They make distinctions between different types of empathy (affective/emotional - cognitive (perspective taking) - compassionate (caring ).

For me sound and intonation also has an impact, the body-language , their breathing .. well, everything down to the smallest expression can impact depending on how strong report there is with the other person. I think all of that has an influence on the strength of how much one feel empathy for the other. If one really takes an interest in the other person, is open to the other, shuts out everything else that is happening in ones life , care to listen and pay close attention , then all of oneself pay attention consciously and subconsciously I think.

For example, breathing tend to get affected when someone is in distress. Their stomach is tense so the breath can be shallow. I can sometimes find myself holding my breath and breathing the same way as the other when being there . Or I can hold my breath as well without being aware of it. It affects the throat as if all pulls together and contracts. So I get those physical sensations as well - that affects the strength of the feelings.

On the other hand I can also be strongly affected if someone is telling me a story without showing any emotions at all - even if they are speaking with a flat monotone voice and without any particular emotional expressions. Some people are good at holding up the emotionless facade. It can also be so that people are in fact emotionally detached from and where they show no obvious distress when talking about it, where they speak about things with emotional detachment and when they discuss the things without getting pulled back through their memory and relive those feelings as if the situation occurs there and then. It is obvious when people haven't come to terms with things that have suffered in their lives. They relive the moment when talking about it.

@EasyasPi I can relate to what you write about getting affected by reading posts here. It happens to me every once in a while and I can't get my head around that part. Can one feel empathy with someone that does not experience emotions themselves? If emotional empathy means that one is attuned to another human beings emotional world how is empathy possible when the other do not feel those emotions, and perhaps has never felt them?

I can relate to this feeling of wanting to help I guess it is the compassionate empathy that trigger feelings of caring. I can also feel some kind of frustration and sense of helplessness that I can't do anything about it.

@ Reaper - you triggered that in me the first time when we wrote to each other during the summer. I was strongly moved and very surprised that you expressed yourself the way you did - you expressed yourself as If you are a person that has access to your emotions- It was very strange.

Sometimes when people talk about their childhoods, life experiences where they have clearly suffered even though they have no emotional understanding/connection of those experiences here and now when they talk about it I can still empathize - if that is not empathy I can't figure out another term for it. I sense the experience of the childs experience of what happens to them back then and it triggers caring emotions in me as well - compassion.

What is stranger though is when people express things that are occurring in current times, talking about situations, describing some situations and I feel their experience - without them experiencing those feelings. I have been moved several times when reading different posts - they have mostly feelings related to sadness. I have wondered how is it possible that people frame their sentences the way they do if they don't feel or understand the feelings of those situations?

It may be something about the choice of words, phrasing, framing and also if text is tied in with descriptive, symbolic, metaphoric language that hold some emotional signification. If it makes sense to me, the whole of the message I am wondering if people here, if they had the ability to feel, they would feel what I feel.

This has made me wonder if there is some sort of defense mechanism in there that blocks feelings out, that perhaps can be accessed somehow. I think that many feelings can be transformed into anger, some sort of emotional transformation. Well, there are several question marks for me around that and too much that doesn't make sense. But this makes me even more sceptic about the current truths established by the neuro-/cognitive sciences.



I will return with some examples related to your first questions.

PavlovsPuddyTat wrote:For example, breathing tend to get affected when someone is in distress. Their stomach is tense so the breath can be shallow. I can sometimes find myself holding my breath and breathing the same way as the other when being there . Or I can hold my breath as well without being aware of it. It affects the throat as if all pulls together and contracts. So I get those physical sensations as well - that affects the strength of the feelings.

That's interesting.

I've never felt that.

On the other hand I can also be strongly affected if someone is telling me a story without showing any emotions at all - even if they are speaking with a flat monotone voice and without any particular emotional expressions. Some people are good at holding up the emotionless facade. It can also be so that people are in fact emotionally detached from and where they show no obvious distress when talking about it, where they speak about things with emotional detachment and when they discuss the things without getting pulled back through their memory and relive those feelings as if the situation occurs there and then. It is obvious when people haven't come to terms with things that have suffered in their lives. They relive the moment when talking about it.

So, basically, you're empathizing with assumed emotion?

I can relate to this feeling of wanting to help I guess it is the compassionate empathy that trigger feelings of caring. I can also feel some kind of frustration and sense of helplessness that I can't do anything about it.

@ Reaper - you triggered that in me the first time when we wrote to each other during the summer. I was strongly moved and very surprised that you expressed yourself the way you did - you expressed yourself as If you are a person that has access to your emotions- It was very strange.

Well, I'm not a robot. I do have some emotion at least. You may be assuming more than is really there though.

What is stranger though is when people express things that are occurring in current times, talking about situations, describing some situations and I feel their experience - without them experiencing those feelings. I have been moved several times when reading different posts - they have mostly feelings related to sadness. I have wondered how is it possible that people frame their sentences the way they do if they don't feel or understand the feelings of those situations?

I've experienced sadness. It's not something I experience very often, but I've certainly felt it. It's usually expressed as self pity - me against the world, everybody else is at fault.

This has made me wonder if there is some sort of defense mechanism in there that blocks feelings out, that perhaps can be accessed somehow.

There is a defense mechanism that does that. I think it's called dissociation, which is really just another form of denial. I think there are other defense mechanisms that perform a similar function.

I don't think they apply to me because I was never very emotional to begin with.

Here is something of interest on defense mechanisms and personality disorders. It's a PDF file:

http://charlessamenowmd.com/wp-content/ ... orders.pdf

PPT, that's interesting about the idea of compassion being in the mix of empathy, and i forgot it is trio-ed x3.

Re: Dx ....Nothing official, official, Reaper. I think i have the touch of a-socialality found in schizoids - and whether or not that constitutes " above the radar" is another story in terms of being impaired.

IRL i can come across as someone who is a little moody: up to down in behavior.

Reaper wrote:

On the other hand I can also be strongly affected if someone is telling me a story without showing any emotions at all - even if they are speaking with a flat monotone voice and without any particular emotional expressions. Some people are good at holding up the emotionless facade. It can also be so that people are in fact emotionally detached from and where they show no obvious distress when talking about it, where they speak about things with emotional detachment and when they discuss the things without getting pulled back through their memory and relive those feelings as if the situation occurs there and then. It is obvious when people haven't come to terms with things that have suffered in their lives. They relive the moment when talking about it.

So, basically, you're empathizing with assumed emotion?

It doesn't really sound right to say "assumed". When those feelings were triggered in me I was already aware that you're not emotional; that you experience your world without any deeper sentiments; that the feelings that are more common for you are frustration, anger, boredom, annoyance irritation etc.

You had mentioned that you experienced some sadness sometimes and when you did feel something , your emotions were momentary and not strong. So I knew those things already and had no reason to assume that you felt what you talked about. I didn't even consider that you might have felt what you said. I couldn't really make sense out of why you express yourself in such a way if you can't feel.

You could have expressed yourself entirely different - really like a robot - just presenting a piece of text with information, with words and sentences that have no emotional significance. A person do not have to use words that as such have an emotional value - it can be how sentences are constructed. There are many texts out there that are strongly moving but they do not contain a single word with heavy emotional load. It is how sentences are constructed and combinations of words etc I can't think of anything now to give as example. One can look into poetry for example - many poems are packed with emotionally charged words. Others create emotions via sentences - the whole.

I need to think about this more, I can't really make sense of it myself, can't express myself better. There are things missing here and I am not sure what it is. Also need some sleep

I can relate to this feeling of wanting to help I guess it is the compassionate empathy that trigger feelings of caring. I can also feel some kind of frustration and sense of helplessness that I can't do anything about it.

@ Reaper - you triggered that in me the first time when we wrote to each other during the summer. I was strongly moved and very surprised that you expressed yourself the way you did - you expressed yourself as If you are a person that has access to your emotions- It was very strange.

Well, I'm not a robot. I do have some emotion at least. You may be assuming more than is really there though.

Yes I know you're not a robot. In such case you were a furious, annoyed, irritated robot yesterday. Then an amused robot after that I have asked you before if you really feel angry when you tell ppl off, write fuk off etc. You said something about that you don't (necessarily?) feel any particular anger or irritation when you write those things, respond to someone. But yesterday I thought you really felt annoyed, irritated. Were you angry? What did you feel? You seemed frustrated.

What is stranger though is when people express things that are occurring in current times, talking about situations, describing some situations and I feel their experience - without them experiencing those feelings. I have been moved several times when reading different posts - they have mostly feelings related to sadness. I have wondered how is it possible that people frame their sentences the way they do if they don't feel or understand the feelings of those situations?

I've experienced sadness. It's not something I experience very often, but I've certainly felt it. It's usually expressed as self pity - me against the world, everybody else is at fault.

The feeling of alienation..?

This has made me wonder if there is some sort of defense mechanism in there that blocks feelings out, that perhaps can be accessed somehow.

There is a defense mechanism that does that. I think it's called dissociation, which is really just another form of denial. I think there are other defense mechanisms that perform a similar function.

I don't think they apply to me because I was never very emotional to begin with.


Here is something of interest on defense mechanisms and personality disorders. It's a PDF file

I will look into that! Thanks !

PavlovsPuddyTat wrote:Yes I know you're not a robot. In such case you were a furious, annoyed, irritated robot yesterday. Then an amused robot after that I have asked you before if you really feel angry when you tell ppl off, write fuk off etc. You said something about that you don't (necessarily?) feel any particular anger or irritation when you write those things, respond to someone.

Not always, no. Sometimes I do.

But yesterday I thought you really felt annoyed, irritated. Were you angry? What did you feel? You seemed frustrated.

I was both frustrated and angry. Very angry at one point. I felt like hunting the dumb bitch down and killing her myself, but I got over it quick. My anger never lasts long. Well, usually. There are rare occasions where I've held a grudge against someone.

I've experienced sadness. It's not something I experience very often, but I've certainly felt it. It's usually expressed as self pity - me against the world, everybody else is at fault.

The feeling of alienation..?

Yes. It makes me feel very much alone in the world, very isolated from everybody, like there's no place for me anywhere. That's how I've always felt though and I'm not always sad over it. Only occasionally.

Reaper wrote:If you are someone who experiences emotional empathy, can you control it or is it automatic?

Yes. My baseline changes between flat and sensitive, but sensitive states are controllable most of the time. It's a hard thing to explain. My experience isn't necessarily typical.

Can you list some examples of situations that caused you to experience either positive or negative emotional empathy?

I try to be logical with my feelings. Emotions have layers of abstract complexity that aren't discussed very often, and one involves our subjective experience, how we think and feel about the world as we observe it. A strong enough emotion can linger and combine with other drivers to alter the entire perception of a person. Grief is the most common example. A neurotypical will appear to exist in a completely different personal universe to that which they lived with their deceased loved-one. Positive emotions have a shorter life-span, but there's plenty of research to show that people behave more morally after hearing good news, for example.

I have BPD- and NPD- and bipolar-like features that present when I use drugs and alcohol excessively. The further along the BPD spectrum I travel, the more severe the impact that emotions can have on my perception. I can usually choose to consider whatever makes sense to me, but a big trigger while going through drug-psychosis makes it next to impossible. In that state, the experience of a total stranger can feel like a Shakespearian tragedy. A few hours later I'll be totally numb, schizoid, and withdrawn; other people will still seem like people --- I'll have the same sensibility about them --- but their sensitivities and mind disappear. They become objects, sprite-like, which I may intellectualise by thinking that humans in general are computational algorithms; frustratingly stupid and selfish and (above all) unconscious animals all fooled by the same grand delusion; just like me; and nothing really matters, nothing in the entire universe, without living the delusion that allows us to think that it does. And so on.

Things are different when I'm clean. The emotional stuff is there, and it's significant, but it's more a product of conscientiousness than compulsion. Cognitive empathy can lead to emotional empathy, but the emotional response rarely occurs naturally these days unless I choose to allow it, or there's something personally affecting about the situation. Recently happened with a housemate, this friendly con-artist-druggie type on the wrong side of bipolar, whose life is so f--king sad and tragic and pathetic and relatable that I felt the exact miserable sadness he was projecting.

From what I can tell, unless there’s dissonance involved in accepting that other people matter the same as you matter to yourself, empathy is strongly benefited by a vivid imagination. It’s only the true psychopaths, with their absolute materialism, that are neurologically incapable. You can see dissonance in narcissists that get angry when people suffer in front of them. In ASPD the corruption is more complete, but it’s still a valve problem.