Casual Chat

Ada wrote:At least I didn't lock this one. So you CAN say it.

Yes, that is true.

justagirl00 wrote:other people survive a marriage with a narcissist and end up scarred for life.....imagine being a child trapped with that your whole life..

identify with him. become him. stop being a victim.

it's better to be a narcissist than bpd, even covert.

-- Sat Sep 19, 2015 11:24 pm --

justagirl00 wrote:so we should be able to let out our aggression, unfettered...i think...

personally, letting out my anger just makes me more angry and unstable in the long-term.

that's just me though.

crystal_richardson_ wrote:like i found contempt is a great replacement for anger. tap into your narcissism to overcome your infantile bpdish butthurt, and release your anger in cold, calculated passive-aggressive systematic ways rather than in childish outbursts that only defeat you further.

I quite agree.

OneRinger wrote:

crystal_richardson_ wrote:like i found contempt is a great replacement for anger. tap into your narcissism to overcome your infantile bpdish butthurt, and release your anger in cold, calculated passive-aggressive systematic ways rather than in childish outbursts that only defeat you further.

I quite agree.

Narcissism is a different defense mechanism, but are they happier than borderlines, though?

is it a better defense mechanism...is that what you are suggesting?

sometimes I can tell i'm trying to do the narcissism defense....I get delusions of grandeur, persecution, and I act superior, and disconnected...but I can't say it equals happiness or more mental health

I sort of prefer the borderline defense...I guess i'm "butthurt", I have a lot of anxiety and depression and neuroticism, and anger, like I talked about

and some might consider it a more immature defense than the narcissistic defense

but for some reason, I consider it more sophisticated, and a little more functional than the narcissistic defense

since the narcissistic defense, seems to me, so much more inward focused and possibly more delusional..more delusions of grandeur and less able to see the other

while the borderline defense is more emotional, but also maybe more realistic..more outward focused, more other pleasing...more endearing, and more able to solicit support and help, even if manipulatively?

the Narcissist is dependent on those who can buy into his/her grandiose claims

there's always the danger someone won't believe them

what else do they have to fall back on? superficial charms? codependent enablers? idk..and are they really happy? being dependent on supply cannot be good, for anyone..

whereas borderlines are better at inspiring sympathy and empathy and "pity," which is better than nothing?

I've rambled...

I think if I could choose, i'd still choose to be bpd over npd

honestly, I don't think npds are better off. they are in as much pain, probably. but maybe just better at hiding it, because of their pride.

i don't know that it results in more happiness but it's more adaptive.

it's more stable

justagirl00 wrote:Narcissism is a different defense mechanism, but are they happier than borderlines, though?

It is not really about becoming narcissist, but it can give an alternative way to deal with the issue. If it is secondary, it will never become a PD, but it can be useful. Having different ways to cope, is the way to get healthier, because different situations require different responses.

justagirl00 wrote:is it a better defense mechanism...is that what you are suggesting?

Not really, just that if you don't use it, you are missing out.

justagirl00 wrote:sometimes I can tell i'm trying to do the narcissism defense....I get delusions of grandeur, persecution, and I act superior, and disconnected...but I can't say it equals happiness or more mental health

That is more paranoid, it is not contempt. I think paranoid is even worst than BPD splitting, it is more disorganized, more psychotic. So when you do that, you are decompensating.

justagirl00 wrote:and some might consider it a more immature defense than the narcissistic defense

It is considered like that. Not saying the narcissistic defense is the best either, but it is a step forward. The real defense is simply to be assertive, but that implies building a strong ego. But in the meanwhile, having different options can help. There are other options as well, like withdrawal. You don't have to fight all the time, but if you must, being assertive is in the end the way to go. Not everybody have the tools to do it though, but they can be learned.

justagirl00 wrote:since the narcissistic defense, seems to me, so much more inward focused and possibly more delusional..more delusions of grandeur and less able to see the other

Sure, but sometimes, what you see is not really nice to see, so maybe it is for the better. You don't need to see people all the time, and some others should not be seen at all. You don't need delusions of grandeur to have contempt, you just need to stop caring. It is internal, nobody will see it until they ask for it.

justagirl00 wrote:while the borderline defense is more emotional, but also maybe more realistic..more outward focused, more other pleasing...more endearing, and more able to garner support and help, even if manipulatively?

I agree with you there, except for the realistic part. They are both equally irrealistic, but in different ways. Reality is a mix of objective and subjective, not all one or not the other. That is why it is important to be able to use both, depending on the situation. It is when you use the wrong tool, that you end up in trouble. How you use it as well, can be a problem.

justagirl00 wrote:the Narcissist is dependent on those who can buy into his/her grandiose claims

there's always the danger someone won't believe them

what else do they have to fall back on? superficial charms? codependent enablers? idk..and are they really happy? being dependent on supply cannot be good, for anyone..

It's all true, but better to fixate on yourself, it is not about what is best or better between the two.

justagirl00 wrote:whereas borderlines are better at inspiring sympathy and empathy and "pity," which is better than nothing?

Well, having people that admire you is not nothing either. But you see, "pity", is the same as contempt. So if you inspire it, you will attract people that have it. And the inverse is true as well.

justagirl00 wrote:I think if I could choose, i'd still choose to be bpd over npd

Of course. It is different needs for different people.

justagirl00 wrote:honestly, I don't think npds are better off. they are in as much pain, probably. but maybe just better at hiding it, because of their pride.

The problem is that you are rationalizing that contempt is bad, so you won't use it. So you are cheating yourself in doing that. Normal people use it, and so can you. They use the BPD thing as well. It is not a competition. It is about what works and what is necessary in the moment.

crystal_richardson_ wrote:

justagirl00 wrote:other people survive a marriage with a narcissist and end up scarred for life.....imagine being a child trapped with that your whole life..

identify with him. become him. stop being a victim.

it's better to be a narcissist than bpd, even covert.

Have you been around a legitimate narcissist for longer than 5 minutes crystal?
Because to them they're perfect angels, it's everyone else that has a problem.
Borderlines will eventually see they have a clear problem.

I think I disarmed my contempt fuse, come to think of it. I kept seeing it as nothing but a false defense mechanism. Stupid idea from an idealistic past.

joltaire wrote:It's a good place for posters to take their scraps, especially with Dark Soul, because apparently everyone likes to scrap with Dark Soul.

Ha! Yeah, so it seems.

It's a good thing I enjoy a scrap at times. Aggression feels good.

I think that general discussion threads should be allowed in the forum regardless of how applicable they are to ASPD. There is only so much that can be repeated about ASPD.

I agree with that.

joltaire wrote:Anyway I digress. A rage/vent thread or uh other means of expression would (might) help (the borderlines and dark soul) immensely,
probably many of the ASPD posters would not really need it

I don't see why not. Anger issues are pretty common among people with AsPD.

I'm not the only one here who can be aggressive and hostile.

justagirl00 wrote:that's why i think maybe we should have some venting threads on here...i think it would help society...we can vent here, or we can go beat someone up, and get arrested...what is the greater purpose of psychforums? to help people with mental health issues, and to help society, as a whole?

so we should be able to let out our aggression, unfettered...i think...

I'd rather beat someone up, personally, but venting here does act as a mild release. So, it would be beneficial to have a vent thread.

I'd rather fight in the vent thread though then just talk about it. Just talking about how I want to hurt or kill someone doesn't really do much for me because, what I really want, is to act on it.

When I'm feeling aggressive I'm looking for a fight, not a conversation.