by MrGamma » Tue Dec 17, 2013 5:53 am
Yeah, I can't say I am ugly, because I seem to have attracted a good number of people in my life.
I never tried to make myself fit a mold which is considered beautiful, in fact I normally tried to make myself repulsive. Nothing major, but yeah, like big boots, or crazy hair, side cuts, military jackets, dark clothing, wearing hats that covered my face nearly entirely, and so on. I never bought brand names, or very rarely did.
If I ever wanted to make connections, then I'd do that naturally, rather than attempt to manipulate them.
In fact, I normally see through manipulations, and those people are like fortresses. You cannot get through to them easily, so yeah, I've learned I might be naturally sadistic and manipulative, a talent if you will, which I am unaware of, or have become more aware of. So... trying to understand the level of intentional manipulation, natural manipulations, and so on, is a challenge in it's own right.
Make sense? Delusional people, easy to get through to... people who are very aware of the world, how they go about manipulating it, that sort of stuff, more difficult... way more valuable and a beautiful which isn't directly connected to an innocence, but yeah, because I have natural sadistic tendencies, they can see me coming from a mile away, so my main objectives in life are to better decipher peoples messages, and do what I can to cause the least amount damage into a system.
I believe this awareness, has taken any sense of guilt, and redirected itself inwards, as personal hatred towards myself. Or that's at least one period which I can remember. Sort of stays with me, nothing debilitating, and so on...
Last edited by
MrGamma on Tue Dec 17, 2013 6:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
"I feel a pathological envy for anyone with such a big brain" - Big Bird