What do you look like?

Yeah half of the mirrors out there are warped... subtle differences I guess, but yeah, it's sort of obvious to me anyways, that when I look in one mirror under specific lighting and move to another that it's all smoke and mirrors.

That's why I am trying to emphasize the beauty from within concept.

Sure, I guess hard tungsten red/yellow light is good at pointing out all those fine lines and wrinkles, but daylight is way more flattering.

Hmmmnnn... Flattering... Why is that word used? The lighting? No way... possibly I guess huh?

wooster wrote:

crystal_richardson_ wrote:My desperation has forced me to be patient. There is no other purpose to my life so I must wait.

That's a good tactic. If you wait long enough, then you may grow out of it in a few years' time and laugh it off as foolishness in retrospect. Sit it out, you're still in your early 20s - a kid, so to speak.

In a few years time I will have enough money

I'm very serious about this. I don't kid around when it comes to my body, and I don't trick myself into false purposes to stave off concern about my appearance or whatever.

Everything I have ever intended to do like this I have; my track record proves it and there is no other option.

So it's going to happen.

What do you want to change? If you don't mind me asking...

MrGamma wrote:Yeah half of the mirrors out there are warped... subtle differences I guess, but yeah, it's sort of obvious to me anyways, that when I look in one mirror under specific lighting and move to another that it's all smoke and mirrors.

That's why I am trying to emphasize the beauty from within concept.

Sure, I guess hard tungsten red/yellow light is good at pointing out all those fine lines and wrinkles, but daylight is way more flattering.

Hmmmnnn... Flattering... Why is that word used? The lighting? No way... possibly I guess huh?

I can appreciate beauty in other people and a myriad of other internal traits, MrO, I really can (in fact, that is what I am personally and authentically attracted to, NOT appearances).

But I can't in my self. I just can't. Because there's nothing there to begin with but a bunch of crap I temporarily create and then POOF.

Once I make these improvements I won't need to create anymore insides. I will have an exquisite shell

-- Tue Dec 17, 2013 4:20 am --

MrGamma wrote:What do you want to change? If you don't mind me asking...

I don't want to go into detail, it's kind of triggering...

I like to keep it all compartmentalized, or it starts to negatively affect me...

because I mean it IS an obsession I can't escape that. but I can put that obsession on a shelf and open the box when I need to

instead of just having it always open and draining me.

I have a lot of energy but things like this can drain you dry in 10 minutes...or make you do things you later regret

so I am just acknowledging it right now. details are still in the box

http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=flattering

flattering (adj.) Look up flattering at Dictionary.com
late 14c., "pleasing to the imagination," present participle adjective from flatter. Meaning "gratifying to self-esteem" is from 1757. Related: Flatteringly.

http://www.profotos.com/education/refer ... hrug.shtml

•Flat lighting - lighting that produces very little contrast or modeling on the subject and a minimum of shadows.

That's daylight Crystal. Let me guess, you have florescent over your mirror which make you look green and sick...

Joe Versus the Volcano

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnLDMqPBeKQ

I don't want to go into detail, it's kind of triggering...

I like to keep it all compartmentalized, or it starts to negatively affect me...

Well, for god sakes, if you do attract people in your everyday life, don't point out the features you have personal issues with, because otherwise people will not notice.

crystal_richardson_ wrote:

MrGamma wrote:Yeah half of the mirrors out there are warped... subtle differences I guess, but yeah, it's sort of obvious to me anyways, that when I look in one mirror under specific lighting and move to another that it's all smoke and mirrors.

That's why I am trying to emphasize the beauty from within concept.

Sure, I guess hard tungsten red/yellow light is good at pointing out all those fine lines and wrinkles, but daylight is way more flattering.

Hmmmnnn... Flattering... Why is that word used? The lighting? No way... possibly I guess huh?

I can appreciate beauty in other people and a myriad of other internal traits, MrO, I really can (in fact, that is what I am personally and authentically attracted to, NOT appearances).

But I can't in my self. I just can't. Because there's nothing there to begin with but a bunch of crap I temporarily create and then POOF.

Once I make these improvements I won't need to create anymore insides. I will have an exquisite shell

-- Tue Dec 17, 2013 4:20 am --

MrGamma wrote:What do you want to change? If you don't mind me asking...

I don't want to go into detail, it's kind of triggering...

I like to keep it all compartmentalized, or it starts to negatively affect me...

Crys, you're killin' me here...what is all this nonsense? You're a baby yet, give yourself a chance to mature, you might change your mind. Obviously I don't know what you look like, but I very much doubt that it is as bad as you're making it out to be. Just give yourself a few years to grow into your looks, you'll be surprised at the dramatic changes that are coming. And knock off the self-deprecation, please?

MrGamma wrote:Why not dive in now... why save up for years to get what you can do now?

don't have the money yet.

No... I meant the feng shui... lighting...

wahoo wrote: Crys, you're killin' me here...what is all this nonsense? You're a baby yet, give yourself a chance to mature, you might change your mind. Obviously I don't know what you look like, but I very much doubt that it is as bad as you're making it out to be. Just give yourself a few years to grow into your looks, you'll be surprised at the dramatic changes that are coming. And knock off the self-deprecation, please?

I don't care about 'me', really I don't.

there is nothing to grow into, I AM my looks.

I just need this and I will be fine.

-- Tue Dec 17, 2013 4:34 am --

MrGamma wrote:No... I meant the feng shui... lighting...

oh that's right. darn it I read it first time knew that then thought I missed something just now and went back

-- Tue Dec 17, 2013 4:35 am --

I just want to love myself.

-- Tue Dec 17, 2013 4:37 am --

why do people think age 20ish is so young?

I am an adult and have been for many many years.

crystal_richardson_ wrote:

wahoo wrote: Crys, you're killin' me here...what is all this nonsense? You're a baby yet, give yourself a chance to mature, you might change your mind. Obviously I don't know what you look like, but I very much doubt that it is as bad as you're making it out to be. Just give yourself a few years to grow into your looks, you'll be surprised at the dramatic changes that are coming. And knock off the self-deprecation, please?

I don't care about 'me', really I don't.

there is nothing to grow into, I AM my looks.

I just need this and I will be fine.

What if you get 'this' and you still aren't happy?

Do you have a dysmorphic disorder, Crys?