Psychopath "Victim" forums

I think the support forums are just a place for butthurt people to complain and call all their abusers “psychopaths” regardless of whether or not they were one just because people associate that word with being evil. Most people on there need to readjust their definition of psychopathy and do some more research on the subject before they go throwing labels around.

CelestialFlame wrote:I think the support forums are just a place for butthurt people to complain and call all their abusers “psychopaths” regardless of whether or not they were one just because people associate that word with being evil. Most people on there need to readjust their definition of psychopathy and do some more research on the subject before they go throwing labels around.

I tend to agree. If people genuinely thought that the person in question did have the condition then they'd have to lessen their blame, as the person is disordered. Instead, they use it as a tool in an attempt to attribute more blame.

People blaming other people for their problems. How new and exciting.

justonemoreperson wrote:
I tend to agree. If people genuinely thought that the person in question did have the condition then they'd have to lessen their blame, as the person is disordered. Instead, they use it as a tool in an attempt to attribute more blame.

This is true, I've detected this in myself as well, in my previous relationship. However this blame shifting and externalization (often seen in codependency) is a subconscious defence mechanism, most people who do it are not aware of it.

justonemoreperson wrote:I tend to agree. If people genuinely thought that the person in question did have the condition then they'd have to lessen their blame, as the person is disordered. Instead, they use it as a tool in an attempt to attribute more blame.

Yes, but being disordered doesn't mean you're unaware of the impact of your actions. Psychopaths in particular can read people well. So, they are well aware of how their actions affect those around them. Their manipulative nature ensures this.

Does a disordered person who knows exactly what they're doing and how it will affect someone else really deserve less blame?

The 'victim' is not at fault for the psychopath's actions, but they do need to take accountability for their own, especially if they're enabling the behavior.

Reaper wrote:
Does a disordered person who knows exactly what they're doing and how it will affect someone else really deserve less blame?

Not at all, abused person taking responsibility for their own actions and decisions doesn't in any way strip the abuser off of blame in my opinion. However, once the abused one owns their share of responsibility, the abuse usually becomes a thing of the past (with some exceptions).

Damn it...I'm looking for something to disagree with.

shanzeek wrote:Not at all, abused person taking responsibility for their own actions and decisions doesn't in any way strip the abuser off of blame in my opinion. However, once the abused one owns their share of responsibility, the abuse usually becomes a thing of the past (with some exceptions).

One of the frustrating things for me when I've read the victim forums, beyond the amount of disinformation there, is the amount of time and energy the victims put into discussing their 'ex-AsPD' or 'ex-N' or whomever.

Some discussion to facilitate understanding what occurred is reasonable. As is venting anger and pain. And discussing how they came to be victimized. That's all needed for a time.

But there are people there who are still discussing things that happened years ago as if they'd just happened. Some many many years ago. And not with the dispassion you'd expect to find from people who have processed the events, but with the same anger and ire as though the events had just occurred yesterday.

People like that have adopted this as 'their story' -- they have gone over the story so many times that it has become a part of who they are (not who they were) -- some would be no one without that story and haven't grown at all beyond it, and won't until the drop the story.

Reaper wrote:Does a disordered person who knows exactly what they're doing and how it will affect someone else really deserve less blame?

Does a disordered person who does not (consciously) know exactly what they're doing and how it will affect someone else really deserve less blame?

I would argue that, in most cases, no.

Unless someone is so impaired that they forfeit the right to choose for themselves (and in that case they ought to be institutionalized and not walking the streets)... unless a person falls in that category... they are responsible for accepting the consequences of their own choices.

To claim otherwise is dehumanizing and infantilizing. And I believe most people really do know what they're doing on some level or other.

Eight wrote:
But there are people there who are still discussing things that happened years ago as if they'd just happened. Some many many years ago. And not with the dispassion you'd expect to find from people who have processed the events, but with the same anger and ire as though the events had just occurred yesterday.

People like that have adopted this as 'their story' -- they have gone over the story so many times that it has become a part of who they are (not who they were) -- some would be no one without that story and haven't grown at all beyond it, and won't until the drop the story.

I think this represents the core of the issue.

Once you get tagged with the word then everything is immediately your fault. No longer are the individual behaviours examined, because the victim is now a unilateral victim; all blame on the crazy psycho.

-- 21 Feb 2018, 08:08 --

Reaper wrote:
Yes, but being disordered doesn't mean you're unaware of the impact of your actions. Psychopaths in particular can read people well. So, they are well aware of how their actions affect those around them. Their manipulative nature ensures this.

Does a disordered person who knows exactly what they're doing and how it will affect someone else really deserve less blame?

The 'victim' is not at fault for the psychopath's actions, but they do need to take accountability for their own, especially if they're enabling the behavior.

I agree. I'm not saying that blame is undeserved, what I'm saying is that having the condition makes you more prone to carry out those behaviours because of the condition (which they have limited control over).

That should prompt a level of, if not sympathy, certainly understanding that the person is prone to these behaviours, whereas, in reality, it amplifies the blame, leading to an open season of blame attribution as I mentioned above.