Psychopath "Victim" forums

naps wrote:[..] social-media [..] millennials [..]

I don't even use Facebook. Created an account when I was 15 and never even made a status lol. I think this is a misguided idea of why I am the way I am. This has been my only regular place of posting online which probably gives rise to insight of another nature (why my preoccupation?).

On the rest of your analysis, on this account I have been mostly interested in trying to integrate myself into a life away from fantasy, away from being online all the time, and away from all the other nonsense I've been messing around in for years. Probably your post was unwarranted, given I've purposefully not engaged others here in that kind of thing (crystal and ifog and will all noticed me trying to stay away from it, being curt, and Eight seemed to get the reasoning).

When I first read it, since nearly all of my posts have been about improving my withdrawal, I figured maybe it was almost bitter from you. Recently you had a job offer and thoughts about changing your life around. If you didn't take it, being kind of spiteful about me changing jobs and cutting out the online crap and trying to get my $#%^ together and actually making improvements could be a trigger I guess. Did you manage to make a positive change?

I think the complete ignoring of my other stuff which makes the significant majority and then jumping on one post relating to my worries about reintegration into myself (prompted by shanzeek) speaks for something similar to that. Wasn't about being edgy. When I shut myself off in my mid-late teens I had a tonne of behavioural issues and I think I just worry about it happening again.

Contrast wrote:What about a voice chat would be overwhelming for you naps?

Not naps, but let me take a guess: the immediacy.

crystal_richardson_ wrote:yours is not a compulsion or addiction, but out of curiosity/thrill seeking, which affords you a greater degree of choice, since it isn't in response to internal tension or craving, the result being relatively infrequent bouts.

but nonetheless it is an issue for you.

let me ask you: why is it an issue for you?

(lol, sound familiar..)

it's been years since you've had any contact with police, and since your violence is basically under your control, there is no risk of escalation, right?

so why is it an issue?

do you fear you will end up prison at some point, that it will escalate into more conspicuous or severe violence? or does a part of you care about your victims, or see what you are doing as not consistent with how you see yourself?

It's mostly an irrational fear that I use to rationalise withdrawal, I think. I overstate it to myself as a means for inaction maybe. Why I'd do that, I'm not sure.

It's a kind of really stupid all or nothing thinking that I often use: I can either be completely sedentary and disengaged or I need to do everything I want. I don't know why I cant shift that style of thinking either. I think my thought process looks like this a lot when deciding on action and on self and on any interaction between me and the world. I either don't want you or want you entirely, etc. Black and white thinking kinda, except I don't flip between the two or let it permeate beyond it's domain

are you happy when you do whatever you want to do, when you break your sedentariness and unleash yourself?

yo could also just do what you want to do, but make a small rule that it not involve other people, then you won't get into trouble

are you afraid getting into legal trouble? aspd don't dwell on the possibility too much hence they stay engaged with their usual activities, but you seem deterred enough by it that you are willing to withdrawal and compensate with fantasy

which is rational but it's making you unhappy as a coping mechanism

have you tried being engaged and indulging as you wish but just taking people out of the equation?

go on fancy vacations by your self and stuff, go to movies, etc, sounds lame but who cares what people think. surely you could at least be happier doing this than what you're currently doing?

I think it relates to a narcissistic orientation that involving people makes things more fun for me and maybe even makes it important. Idk.

I can try what you're suggesting though. That's actually what the next few months are about.

remember there are a lot of ways to spin a narcissistic orientation, a lot of ways to play on the trait to satisfy it.

you could just as well tell yourself that people are so beneath you they are not worth associating with.

don't even give them the consideration of your glance other than when you're engaged at checkouts, etc, then you won't get tempted.

Eight wrote:

Contrast wrote:What about a voice chat would be overwhelming for you naps?

Not naps, but let me take a guess: the immediacy.

That's a good word. Otherwise, i don't know. Overwhelming seemed to me to be the best word to describe it. My mind works slower in social situations. Plus there's an awful lot of small talk which is ok for me in small doses, but it goes on and on. Tedious. I also feel a need to vet people before I wholly associate with them. So again, overwhelming.

Maybe it's not a schizoid thing, but at least part of it has to be.

@Contrast: I originally drafted that post as a PM to crystal, then said fuk it and posted it publicly. I agree it was a little rude and maybe a little out of character, but you keep coming back here in these new incarnations and I don't see the point of that, esp. since there's such little time between accounts.

I can't seem to get a handle on you. You poke me a lot here, I'm not sure why. Plus I'm really repulsed by your choice of victims. All that together, plus a lot of sudden extra stress in my life and a "I don't five a ###$'' attitude and voila.

I still think a lot of what I said was on target.

Otherwise, I'm inclined to like you just fine.

Forgive me, but I didn't do much more than skim your post. Your prose is sometimes difficult to decipher breezily, and I was up real early today for work so I'm operating on half a brain. If you like, I will respond with more detail tomorrow. I will anyway. But tonight it's pizza and a scary movie and bed by ten.

Nah, I'm not really interested. It deviates even further into fruitless territory. My intent there was to try to establish a basis that makes sense of this incarnation.

(prompted by shanzeek)

Guilty. I was looking to shift the discussion in another direction, but not to re-opening of ol' P boxes.

Contrast wrote:When I first read it, since nearly all of my posts have been about improving my withdrawal, I figured maybe it was almost bitter from you. Recently you had a job offer and thoughts about changing your life around. If you didn't take it, being kind of spiteful about me changing jobs and cutting out the online crap and trying to get my $#%^ together and actually making improvements could be a trigger I guess. Did you manage to make a positive change?

It was an attempt to demistify the drama and persona that stemmed from the 'confession', if there was an element of spite in it, I completely missed it.

shanzeek wrote:The coolest person in NPD forum is a schizoid lol. Never met people easier to grant respect to, I guess it's the insightfulness, self-sufficiency, confidence but not arrogance, lack of judgement and - my favorite - always minding their own business. He (Akuma) did yell a lot lol but was right about most things and it helped clear the otherwise distorted picture of myself I had. Hard to get mad when someone's right so often and not even slightly interested in bringing others down.

That would be idealization.

ShowJumpingRabbit wrote:They're not needy. At all. They are a little aggressive but not directly. Dazz is funny when he gets going. Whats interesting about the MirrorZoids is at first they appeared to be developing other disorders and then they somehow defended against them with schizoid. Neither are diagnosed schizoid, they could be anything, but the list I posted earlier fits each one. Except a few things. Like Dazz isn't insecure, Courtier isn't quite as creepy as they made him sound there. It fits into that whole Dexter was really a schizoid thing that's gone around here a few times.

But that's a bit what I was aiming at. Those are traits that you appreciate in people. What does it have to do with a disorder?