rkidsrgifts wrote:I am sorry if I have offended anyone with my trauma. I realize I don't verbalize what is in my head well and could have written something offensive. I am so glad to have gotten responses and they've helped me to know I am not alone. Rehab is no fun, Hang in there. My therapist, who I trust, suggested I take DBT skills classes. Anyone take them? I am fearful of hearing others' personal stories in a group setting because its hard to talk for me. I am glad I found this forum as it provides me a safe place to share and hear from others. Can't believe I am hiding behind a computer. Even after being in the military, I still feel as if I am breaking rules by my rapists boss. I was ordered not to talk. I am glad that my rapist actully admitted what he had done. I feel for all out there that had/has to battle thru courts. reality sure does HURT. I feel myself separating/checking out now, so I'd best wrap it up for now. Replies are very welcome, and anyone who does reply, really does help me.
I think you’re in a relatively safe zone here and if anyone is ‘offended’ by your suffering that’s a reflection of their lack of heart and soul, not you. I thought what you wrote was beautifully worded; though tragic and heart-wrenching.
I’ve never done DBT but I hear it helps and is another tool in our kit-bag if you know what I mean (I’m fond of my Aussie slang and sometimes do it without remembering that not everyone will get it lol). I’ll explore it more and thanks for the advice.
Please don’t feel as though you are ‘hiding’ just because you are writing on a computer. Sometimes speaking out against our abusers and voicing our stories takes more bravery than we might need to defend ourselves against a killer – I think it’s the nature of rape and abuse – it destroys our strength to some extent (although we can ALWAYS come back from that) by making US feel responsible; even though we know in our rational mind that we are by no means responsible. You say you feel fear from your rapists’ boss – throw that out of the window and that is an ORDER! (lol)
I believe you are lucky that your rapist came forward, many don’t and won’t ever.
Anyway, I think you’ve found a good place here, and if you’re fearing the repercussions of speaking out, just don’t reveal any personal information to ANYONE. Keep yourself safe.
It’s good to know you feel as though you were helped here. I know I went all tangential on you but it’s a product of the pain. Keep talking though, even if you have to sneak down to the local Internet café to feel safe. It’s important.
OK sweet-heart. As you know, I’m off to detox soon though I’m still waiting for the big call that’s going to change my life! I wish they’d just hurry up and ring….
Take care and big cuddles,
Emma <3