URGENT ADVICE NEEDED TODAY!

Hi whoevers out there, i`ve been a member here for a long time but never posted, i`ve mainly used it to read other peoples problems to help try and diagnose myself..............

Anyway i`m in a bit of a pickle, to put it lightly imo. If anyone has been in a similar situation and got out of it or has some `in hindsight` advice from their same situation it would be GREATLY appreciated, i entered panic mode earlier today as i feel i`m out of options, roll over and live as a tormented soul once again or fight to my death for what i believe in, i rolled over last year and have in the last fortnight finally regained most of myself back and my life is moving onward and upward, it`s changed frooo..........anyway.

bit of backstory (very very brief)

I`ve been seeing psychiatrists and psychologists for over ten years and in that time have been diagnosed with most common mental illness` from ocd to paranoid schizophrenia. atm for all intent and purposes i have `officially` got a delusional disorder.
I have been on all the 2nd generation antipsychotics in that time and a few first. I had one tablet of i forget the name (began with A, 1st gen) prescribed by my gp ,first ever, and felt faint lost the ability to stand up or speak and just lay in my garden for 5 hours wiggin` out not knowing what was happening to me. didnt have any more.
Next by a shrink was olanzapine i got a few of the common side effects, weight gain, LOTS of sleep, hard to think straight, and after weeing dripping for ages which never went away woo!
Every other one i took seemed to add a new side effect and it was agreed i am highly sensative to medication.
the only one (i don`t really recall might be right) that seemed to be ok was 1mg of risperidone a day, but "like always you feel better then stop taking it" not that i was taking it consistently anyway.
Basically i can`t handle stress and if things are going well in my life i`m fine and dandy but when there`s a knock i find it hard to get back up and end up miserable and paranoid.

Anyway last year my homelife was very stressed (i`d built a reasonably busy life for myself that was great but broke a bone was stuck in the house all day and over a couple of months deteriorated) and my new doctor of two weeks asked if i want a break and some help in hospital. I really didn`t but agreed as i have 2 young children.

Turns out ,as i always take myself of meds not long after starting them and my `team` therefore always try to push for a depot, they got me right where they wanted me.......whilst saying to my face i can leave whenever i want, i decided i wanted to, turns out just after my doc had shook my hand and told me "you are free to leave whenever you want2 HE WENT INTO THE OFFICE AND TOLD THE NURSES NOT TO LET ME OUT then left. i flipped out and got a lorazepam
then i`m told the reason i`m here is to start a monthly injection of um....spelt phonetically: per-poor-tal.
I`d never heard of it found out it`s first generation, and argued my case that it would send me so far backwards in my life due to side effects etc i would lose everything i`d built myself and my life up to in the past year (myself btw, learnt about CBT and CBTed myself y`all....lol)
anyway ended up being forced to take it after being put on a section 3 and it`s some evil $#%^ to say the least, so many side effects i laid in the hospital bed all day mostly asleep smoked 4 ciggies a day instead of 30 and could hardly walk, think, or even stand to shower...pong.
my wife and family pleaded with the doctor to let me come home but apparently you don`t just leave when under section.
when i finally got out i laid on my sofa for a couple of weeks had another injection and developed a nearly constant wild shake in my left arm. Looking back i`m glad because i begged the doctor to take me off the jab telling him what it was doing to me and this side effect finally made him cave.
oh yeah i was released unusually quickly for a section 3 under a strict CRO with many rules including the section is waiting in the wings if i don`t do everything i`m told.
i have now been intermittently taking risperidone 1 mg building it up (meant to be anyway) ready for the depot of it. The last one crippled and broke me worst ever but my new doctor who has obviously skimmed my notes and taken things out of context is insisting on me taking it tomorrow.
my wife and i are at a loss as to what hes thinking and how it`s snowballed to this point, when i not very mental.
btw i had a torrid time in hospital and fighting the injection (and the diet of boredom, 50 coffees and 30 smokes a day) i turned the staff against me with pestering and general obnoxiousness towards their attitude to my case.
there was one nice nurse who advised me to get an advocate when meeting with doctors, i said i`m perfectly capableof verbalising what i mean, she leaned towards me and said i know you are, but the sad fact is that basically the advocate repeats what your saying to the doctor and he`ll listen more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!###$ that makes me so ######6 MAD, anyway getting off topic.

i`m due the injection tomorrow morning at 11am and if i refuse it i am assumeing my doc will reactivate the section 3. I can`t have it i can`t go through it again and in the six weeks leading to it starting to take effect i would of had 2 months worth injected into me so that would be the minimum term of torture.
I cannot go through what i went through while in hospital again it`s a long story of serious stress for me and bullying from nurses that know noone listens to me and they get a thrill from the only power in their miserable ######6 lives.


HELP WTF OTHER OPTIONS HAVE I GOT????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Hello.

I'm sorry that your being forced into take psychiatric medication. No one wants to be drugged against their will. If you have concerns about side effects, I understand that too, because I share those concerns.

I feel like I'm not in the best position to advise you too much, for one, because I don't know you, and although your post was quite descriptive, 5 minutes of actually talking to you would probably be worth alot more than 5 written paragraphs of information.

Another reason I feel I can't really advise you with regards to the forced medication issue, is that I am not particularly knowledgeable about the legalities of the mental health system, which is what has taken away your right to not choose medication.

However, I will say this. If you have been "sectioned"/ are being forced to take medication, then it is ostensibly because the powers that be, being whatever doctors made these decisions, have determined that without the medication, you are a threat to yourself or others. Do you think that when unmedicated, you are a threat to yourself or others? What does your family think? Do they think you are a threat to yourself/others when unmedicated? Also, what led you to being in the hospital in the first place (more details please).

Also, 30 cigarrettes in a day! Even if you are bored, you can't smoke that much. One alone is bad enough. With high double digit number conumption per day like that, your digging your own grave. You WILL die from that, wether or not your on psych meds. Please cut down. I know there are better ways to handle life's #######4.

i don`t smoke that much in real life, but in hospital that`s all there is to do, you make a coffee have a cig, walk to your room, walk around some more, lie on your bed for a minute, go for a cig, make another coffee, ask the nurses if nothing to do, lots of coffee and ciggies and a once a week chat for an hour with your doctor is the best thing for anyone especially people with mental health problems, have another smoke etc.

regarding being a danger to myself or others:

This is very hard to talk about for me as having a delusional disorder means my reasons for things; being aggressive to someone or even just my perception of anything holds no ground with pro`s and i generally make sure to have someone with me and do alot of pointing out of things so i have a back up. even trivial things everyday perceptions and interpretations of things
Anyway i`m with a forensic psychiatry team for an offence i commited ooh 6 or 7 years ago and the events that followed the offence just did not go my way in the slightest but the official documents regarding the case, that my new doctor has obviously only looked at, make me look like a complete psycho and he doesn`t take into consideration my wifes version.

on holiday in a pub with my wife coping well with my social anxiety
2 guys finish on a fruit machine i had my eye on and move to the one next to it
i go down and ask if its worth putting my money in it, they reply none of your business
i mutter ######6 rude under my breath and go back to the table
they are now at the bar talking to 2 waitress` and pointing up to me and all laughing
i try and ignore them this goes on for some time
they start talking so i can hear saying harry potter looking ###$ (i`m not, but would be happy to)
and keep calling me harry potter
i hold my hands up to my face simulating wearing glasses i.e. like harry potter
the taller lad goes to the toilet and the other one struts over to me and wifes table puts his hands on the table and tells me he ###$ my mum last night ???
he walks back to the bar and other lad comes back.
all this so far happened over the course of half an hour with my wife reassuring me and saying to just ignore them the whole time
i start thinking about how people always walk all over me
i pick up me and wifes bottles walk over to the bar and hit the 2 guys over the heads with them (bottles didn`t smash)
one falls to the floor the other looks at me in a panic tackles me to the floor then a few other people jump on me as well
there happens to be an off-duty police man in the pub who takes me outside and sits me down
the man that was sitting next to me in the pub comes over and shakes my hand and says he would have done exactly the same
police turn up and take me to the station
on the way i`m freaking out about the whole thing and they reassure me by saying first offence obviously remorseful you`ll just get a slap on the wrist
while in the cell the officers all come and talk to me reguarly and brought me magazines, ended up in the cell for 24hours while waiting for duty solicitor to turn up
didnt know but my wife was in the station foyer the whole time too
duty solicitor shows up and tells me he specialises in mental health
i`m told because i`ve got a mental illness i must have a `sane` person in the interview with me.
ended up my mum came in after forcing herself into that position over my wife
now my mum mollycoddled me growing upand does and has always treated me like an incompetent baby (not the case)
in some misguided subconscious need to show her i can look after myself i acted like a complete twat in the interview when i was calm and getting on with the policeman prior to my mums entrance as welll as him telling me not to worry its not that bad beforehand (i guess i looked nervous)
oh yeah half way through the interview the duty solicitor fell asleep!! and the policeman woke him up + he said sweet fa throughout and me having no idea how this kind of thing works didn`t realise he`s meant to be making sure i don`t say the wrong thing and helping me as much as he can.
during the interview mr police read the 2 lads statements and some of the bar staffs that witnessed the incident
guess what apparently nothing happened except for me pulling faces at them then standing up from my table walking across the pub and hitting them both
i ask him about my wifes statement and they didn`t take it because it would be bias???
so i ended up with 2 counts of GBH and a trip to court to be sentenced
they both had a small cut on there heads which was looked atby paramedics at the pub no trip to hospital needed
so i hired a pretty ######6 good team of solicitors as GBH is a prison sentence normally and have to also have an appointment with a forensic psychiatrist
he reads the police reports, hears my version and diagnoses me with schizophrenia which my solicitor says is a good thing
they also sent someone to look for the person who shook my hand in the car park
one of my solicitors does some digging and finds out the 2 lads used to work in the pub with the `unbiased` witnesses
they found out the man lives on a narrow boat and frequents the pub semi-rarely and cannot be tracked down
due to the police calling it GBH but bearing in mind my `illness` i get 4 years on probation and reffered to my local forensic team
who know have heard from my wife backing up what i`ve said and knowing i don`t see or hear anything that isnt there
well my new doctor used the police reports against me while i was in hospital not knowing the truth, as examples of my dangerousness to get the second doctor to sign off on my section............it was all in the past to me and took me a long time after probation finished to get over and its been dragged up again

anyway your opinion on what i`ve said would be much appreciated good or bad
oh yeah i rant and rave at people about all and sundry when i`m down and am quite a big imposing guy, my wife says i can come across as very threatening shouting about things even though its not intended to be that way....i`m just having moan

i ended up in hospital because i seemed to be running into a close talker everywhere i went and took it as people conspiring to intimidate me, and my wife was sick of listening to me shout about why what who etc..it was affecting her obviously but the kids too. they don`t need to hear that $#%^