by talula » Sat Nov 20, 2010 10:13 pm
well, i have my own gripes with the system. i have fallen through the cracks and only found the reasons to my problematic behavious once i'd truly lost all that i valued in life.
i have little positive to say about psychiatric 'experts' (or other health specialists) and the way they fail to nip things in the bud.
over a nine year period of an eating disorder/depression, i submitted myself into a specialist unit at a point of a maddening crisis. i was told i was not 'severe' enough to gain anything but outpatient status, i wanted inpatient status for a short time, until i could regain self-control. (this was a private hospital too). by the nature of my personality (disorder as it eventually turned out), i decided that since they weren't willing to give me what i desperately felt i needed at the time, i would simply carry on alone, so i went away after just a single interview with an eating disorder specialist. once again, it was me, myself and i. the nature of personality disorders is by definition in ability to see the wood from the trees, and yet i was never even told i might possibly have a condition beyond the single eating disorder which was nothing more than a manifestation of something deeper which i needed to be made aware of.
two hours in the interview chair and all i got was, 'yes, you have an eating disorder.' thanks sherlock. like i said, mental illness means there is a huge blind spot, which the specialist didn't even begin to clear away for me.
i went away no different to how i'd arrived.
I can't tell you how many times i went to the general practitioners with complaints and ailments over the years, no one pointed me to any reality beyond that which i already knew. my first visit was to a nutritionist eight months into me first developing my eating disorder. that was nine years ago. again, useless in identifying an underlying destructive personality pattern.
three years from that visit to the last specialist and my life went down the drain, irredeemably. i started researching on the internet, learnt about cluster b's. BPD and HPD and knew i'd hit the nail on the head, no thanks to any so-called expert. too little too late. i am now suicidal for the first time in my life. i never used to be. yes, falling through the cracks indeed.