by mrc109 » Mon Jul 26, 2010 11:01 pm
Hi, mrc109 checking in on this one. I just submitted a FLMA based "leave of absence" form (unpaid) at work, because I am pretty sure that I am coming un-glued on the inside. I thik there are many environmental variables are at play in this situation (which serves as the tie-in to the original posting about society being toxic to an individuals mental health).
I am not sure if my meds are no longer working for the Asperger's, ADHD, and OCPD, or if what has always been "stuffable" before, refuses to be sublimated any longer (or repressed for that matter either). I do not know if I have the so called "cave-man gene" or not (probably not). Whatever it is, I know that I am out of control, because I cannot self-will myself back into "line" anymore.
After reading Sigmund Freuds little book called "Society and it's Discontents", I for a brief moment could understand what he was saying (but it was not about me, or my behavior!). Perhaps the greatest gift that little book has given to me, was the gift of a new vocabulary. I now had a way through which to express and communicate my previous feelings of doubts, and insecurities, all mixed with frustration over my ineffable thoughts. I knew that I felt "something" but what?
Why I seemed to be drawn to certain actions and behaviors, "instinctual needs and responses to stimuli" sorts of things (like involuntairily sizing up the size of a womans chest, or my pleasureable response to a certain hair color).
I suffer from "terminal guilt" syndrome (left brain thinking). I do not know (in a few cases) why certain things are "bad" or considered bad by a society, and yet still make perfect reproductive sense (to an animal).
Sigmund Freud seems to tell it all, and more so. His fascinating insights into the often conflicting and controversial "nature versus nurture" world of human societies, and how they (we) must construct "prohibitions" around us, in order to prevent the animal that is in each of us, from literally
tearing each other apart.
Before I read this book, I (for the life of me!) could not understand how or why any governmental body (anywhere in the world) would allow its citizens to have access to, be appeased by, (titillated?) by the types of motion-picture industry film content that is easily and readily available today?
It is my belief that in many ways Dr. Freuds insights have been very helpful to me, and my understanding of the human animal. Dr. Freud gives a most excellent insight into why this activity must be "tolerated" and in some sense even socialized, in order to "curb" the probabablistic "natural" consequences that would soon follow if it were not (prohibition?).
I have a Borders gift card that I need to use up. Dr. Freuds next controversial paper I think was called "Totem and the Taboo" (or something like that). I feel that a whole new insight is soon about to dawn upon my soul.
I wish to thank all the one of you who might read this.
mrc109