hospital madness

3 years ago i went into a mental ward distroyed by myself an bad p.docs, i have been in mental distress all my life but managed to hide it when young its easy ,just be behind the smile????????? 2 people .1 for public use an the other the real you ,all my life i have lived it to the limit to get by people think im this up for anything crazy guy .But i reached the limit where i couldnt hide it anymore, gp put me on ativan years ago on a take as you need basis but thats all i took ,,no ad,s till later . Im not ill just weird kinda thing you try to tell yourself ,finished up agreeing to out patient treatment at the mental hospital p docs third world none english speaking on the N.H. S The good ones had gone to america or were locoms chaseing the money,by this time i was bad 12 mg ativan an a litre of brandy a day ,that should kill a horse but it didnt effect me ,well it did i had a breakdown took to the hospital by my wife an kids .The p doc said stop the brandy which is a fair guess then he puts me on effexor .If he had looked at my docs notes would have seen a letter saying this patient does not tollerate this med ,now this is the best one STOP the ativan?????????? i said you carnt stop dead 12mg of ativan ,he said you havent been scripted that many so you carnt have took 12mg a day I said i have had a open script for 20 years i had hundred,s at home ,well i did have now there were none an no more repeat script I went home an that night started to convulse took to a=e given ?????///////you guessed it 2mg ativan, next day shakeing that much took to gp at night, sat in car till my turn because i was like a man posessed shaking sweating ect ect.The doc gp said god what the $#%^ has happened to you,so he rings the hospital to ask what he can give me ,they said valium, he said if i give him valium i will have to give him 100mg to compansate for the loss of ativan an that will kill him .They settled on 40mg there an then an another 40 in 3 hours ,all this time the effexor which no one had checked was slowly screwing me ,the next night i overdosed all the effexor an wait to die. After all i am worse than dead took a big swig of brandy an vomited the hole lot back without breaking a seal on any. The world an his dog accended on me ,blue lights to the hospital an a pint of charcoal wake in suicide side ward bathroom bag with my razors in on the cabinet very safe im sure,next 2 dayS in walk in shower all day letting the water match the sweat i was looseing curled in a ball on the floor. Left on my own no detox just madness,the even upped the effexor to 225mg///but on a ward with three 20 year old smack heads ,good lads to me used to smuggle vodka to me in water bottle some nights so i could sleep.They smoked heroin in the cig yard in rollups an the nurses didnt even no,bluffed my way out after just over a week ,saw a consultant for the fist time on the ward an lied through my teeth ,walked out with my meds effexor an dumped them straight away The gp came to my house an saw i had lost 2 stone in weight an said what the hell happend to you,put me back on 4 mg a day ativan the most he is aloud to script an i spent the next 4 months locked in my bedroom detoxing the missing 8mg,now i an stable on 4mg i will need them an ad,s all my life //but i left half my brain in that hospital

Heya,

You are in the UK? I am currently living in Leicester, but I spent most of my life in Ireland. I spent only two weeks in a 'mental ward', so I know whjat the atmosphere can be like in them. When you went into your own three years ago, what were the reasons for going in? You had obviously been depressed beforehand, but do you remember when everything 'bad' actually began? I mean, were you ever happy in your life?; What changed?

Kevin

i was never happy -happy in my life //i had like bipolar symptoms but wasnt//you no like way to happy an whacky an downers after //no manic faze,s /// i put on a show, i was always the cool guy //women loved my crazy space cadet life//i had 4 kids with different women before 22//they saw the side i wanted them to see//at work anxierty would cripple me//i was a bricklayer an the more anxtious i got the harder i worked //i made great money had £30,000 subaru impretza//but would have breakdowns with anxierty //you no you work cos you carnt stand still. your body gives in the your brain shuts you down//i couldent traval never been abroad //not because of planes just never new when i would flip //so i couldent put myself an famliy in that position//that dont bother me//the ativan was a massive crutch i could not go anywere without them //even if a didnt take them//i began to get worse an drink at weekend s just to be out my head//plan,s for house build,s to read at work were harder to work out as my brain was nuking//started getting mad with myself arguments at work an reolised i needed time of as i was heading for a big one///so the first time i asked for real help i got ###$ all from the nhs//i did get prozac a few years before the changed to generic fluxidine an after 15 weeks woke to a world with coulor an life an normality//that lasted 2 year till it pooped//back to the storry after many canceled p doc appointments not on my part //they left like lemings ,never saw the same one//tried lots of meds even lithium //no go started upping the ativan an the litre of brandy//i new where i was heading but i was getting no help//so i thought i will go out with a bang///the only time i ask for real help an i new it wasnt there//then my boby overloaded on med an bozze no way up only down//i had this thing in hospital they would sedate you for a month an you would gradually come good//WRONG they dont give a ###$ an distroy you an your brain///so i think the answer you looking for is later in life it all becomes to much an you seek help// but in reality there aint any its down to you an the write meds

Indeed, it is down to 'you' yourself and the right meds. You never got the right meds though, did you? I took one called Lexapro for 4 years and it helped me a lot. I have heard a few bad stories about Lithium, but I have no previous opinion of the other meds you've taken, including Ativan. In your work, did anyone understand what was happening to you?; and are you actually still employed there? Sorry for the questions, but your post was just a little unclear. You seem to have a lot to say, but there is plenty of time to say it. I will not be going anywhere, and so you are welcome to talk for as long as you feel is necessary here.

Kevin

i never wll be %100 or even 80 but im cool at the moment on sertraline 100mg an 4mg ativan aday which im addicted//sorry about he posts, i taught myself the 3 rs //thats why i break the posts into blocks to make it a little easier for you to read//other wise it would be one contious line//plus if i use the caps lock i leave it on an forget an do a post of half caps////i was self employed an made mega money anxiert fueling my workload///i dont work since the hospital ,as i said they totally screwed me up//the lithium bit was a pdoc test after many failed meds //they carnt make there mind up about my condition// im pretty unpredictable today im off to the coast on my own 80 miles just because i woke an fancyed these great fish an chips cooked in beef dripping at this sea side town///some say thats wacky ??????????????? but is it its cool to just take off //my head will stay cool as i worked the holiday camp there as a kid an i still have memories that boost me///so its theropy in a way//beter than any hospital can give//ok tell you more later as im going now the car will be on the red line as i hit the adrenalin rush //another escape

well thats me back from my trip 180 miles///there was a d,tor on the way there an back //roadworks or something//it was cool an i enjoyed the buzz //you carnt let yourself get bored or your nuked//now the mad shrink who stopped my 10mg of ativan//i saw him on a hospital outpatient visit //im still an out patient but not a regular //i have an open appointment anytime because they no they screwed me big time// i copied a detox program off the computer of ativan an threw it on his desk //an said this is how you should of detoxed me//he smiled an put the detox programe in his breifcase to learn later the dork//i tried to sue the doc an the nhs///no way my man //number 1 you wont get a lawyer to take them on// 2 your a mental patient who,s going to believe you// if you went in hospital an they took off the wrong leg you would get £1,000,000 //take away half your brain you get ###$ all//why were you on lexapro it the top ssri an not avaliable on presciption in england as its not generic //how did you get a script for that//the dont give out none genric meds///citalopram its older brother yes

manic666 wrote:well thats me back from my trip 180 miles///there was a d,tor on the way there an back //roadworks or something//it was cool an i enjoyed the buzz //you carnt let yourself get bored or your nuked//now the mad shrink who stopped my 10mg of ativan//i saw him on a hospital outpatient visit //im still an out patient but not a regular //i have an open appointment anytime because they no they screwed me big time// i copied a detox program off the computer of ativan an threw it on his desk //an said this is how you should of detoxed me//he smiled an put the detox programe in his breifcase to learn later the dork//i tried to sue the doc an the nhs///no way my man //number 1 you wont get a lawyer to take them on// 2 your a mental patient who,s going to believe you// if you went in hospital an they took off the wrong leg you would get £1,000,000 //take away half your brain you get ###$ all//why were you on lexapro it the top ssri an not avaliable on presciption in england as its not generic //how did you get a script for that//the dont give out none genric meds///citalopram its older brother yes

Hey dude, I was actualy given lexapro while I still lived in Ireland. I only moved to the UK last August. Are you sure that it isn't available here? It could be available under a different name, such as escitalopram. Citalopram is similar to Lexapro. I am still learning about the NHS by the way. Yesterday, I found out that it is the biggest employer in the UK, and I can imagine that there is a lot of money wasted in it too. In Ireland, however, you will be charged even if you go into A&E / ER. Here, you can go into A&E / ER and not pay anything. So, it has some positives.

lexapro// escitalopram both the same med GP an P,DOC have a book of meds //if its not generic meaning no one else can make it it costs a fortune//if generic made by countless companyes so price low ,an thats what you get the cheap $#%^//unless your private// like zoloft may be £3 a pill// its generic sertraline is about 30 pence