I called for help . But they ruined my life

wow, thanks for understanding shutin, I've been looking for it !
First, I thought you're a psychologist or an expert, but I guess you've been through similar stuff too , right ?

Exactly, what would I come over and flood my story over here if everything is fine ? attention ? no, I would look somewhere else if I needed attention . I came to share, because it's much easier to tell it off in a place where nobody even know you, and nobody judge you and test you . Which I got wrong, cuz people been judging me for my acts here .

I don't know . They thought I fell in love with saying " i dont know " . I hated to say that, because I thought everytime I say that, it irks them, and they think " oh Stop saying that !" lol .
I didn't understand the depth of the questions - That's right, If I knew what the consequence of the answers, maybe I'd try to think clearer and tell them else. tell them that I don't hear any voices for god sake . That I'm frustrated, but not because I have those psychotic attacks and derealization . but because I feel bad and depressed . they missed that . they missed the truth, and they probably were in a hurry and had no time to get the truth out of me . so they did what they did and I said what I said . bahhh
I hate being pushed . I needed some space and time . . .

Shutin, it's really nice to know that you been through similar things, thank you for the support .

Sometimes bad things happen and they are no-one's fault.

I can understand why the doctors did what they did - from what they saw, they thought they were doing the right thing... (except maybe not treating you a year ago or the leading questions) but they saw a really distressed person who was suicidal, paranoid and needed help.

I disagree that you "got what you wanted" or "got what was coming" or anything like that. While honesty and openness tends to work better with psychs, you did what you did as a result of the year of non treatment and the genuine distress that you were in at the time. I have found it almost imposible to deal with seeing new doctors etc when I am down - its just to hard.

Good luck for the future, finding a psych you trust and recovering from your depression. Also remember that you are facing change with leaving the IDF, and change is stressful on its own, so be kind to yourself and patient because it will be difficult - but will get better.

Yes, I am not an expert or psychiatrist in the field. I have had experience being in similar situations.

Personally I prefer to write it out and ponder it than to go in and talk. I think it is a good thing to write for yourself even if you don't show them because you can get in touch with how you really feel and why you behave anxiously without worrying about what someone says about it. You did a good job of explaing your feelings here by writing.

If you continue to seek psychiatric help I'm pretty sure it won't all be like what you went through. It can vary, but I think the intense questioing was related to your job requiring immediate judgement. If you have a choice on who your psychiatrist will be you can ask them questions about their method of therapy. Ask them if the therapy can go at a slower pace while you adjust to opening up. Maybe since you've been through the questioning you can anticipate further questions and write down answers in advance. Like they might ask you about hearing voices and you can clarify in your notes how you interpret the question and how the voices you here are nothing bigger than imagining your phone rang after expecting a call. (I'm just using that as an example because plenty of people who are not schizophrenic hear what they expect to here on occasion).

I also agree with zoegirl.

It happens so often, the phone ring thing .
I often think I hear my phone ringing, maybe uncounsciously I'm expecting a call . . .
I guess it happens a lot to people, and I wonder if the psychiatrists would interpret THIS to 'HEARING VOICES' thing . . .

I think they distinguish between the two, but I used to wonder if that was a symptom or normal. When I did take a psychology class I did read that it happens and is normal and isn't really a big deal on its own. It might mean more if it occurs often but I don't know.

I keep thinking there could be more to this story than meets the eye - can't quite put a finger on it...

Just something about the Lysergic acid / Israeli Military / psychiatrists ... Very Interesting...

Maybe I'm just trying to be cute, so sorry to be rude but I still feel a need to say it !

I didn't get your point, well you didn't try to make it clear of course. . .

You're welcome to send a PM to me if you're interested and didn't understand something of this whole story . . .

Hello,

Something about your story just made my imagination run a bit wild and I started trying to read in between the lines to see something that wasn't there unless - you are master of double speak ( and I really don't think so) ... I've read too many stories about certain military practices and Yes, they are documented and true... In the 0.00001% case I could be right ( really I know I'm not, just amusing my imagination), this would be no place to discuss such things.

I called for help and this jerk makes a joke and fantasy story out of it...

Not cool of me - I apologize... My PM is open but why disturb yourself by talking to this fool !!!

I wish you the best and I'm sorry for what you had to go through...

P.S- Your friend doesn't really sound like a friend to me...

Hello, I am new on this site and on this board.

All I can say is I read your post and your replies and it reminded me so much of what I went thru as a mental health consumer myself.

I'd been in the conventional mental health system all my life, just about and have dealt with a lot of questions I did not understand or could answer in ways that satisfied them.

I have social phobia as well as ptsd. I can't look up at ppl. I try to look at them when I talk to them, but I sometimes still get so freaked out and wonder what they are thinking of me.

Coming from a lot of shame growing up and dealing with my own mental illness, this makes it really hard for me to open up.

I relate.

I am glad you found this place.

Right now I am seeking alternative treatments and support systems and I respect how others do so (with treatement) as well.

Groups like this affirm me.

I don't feel so alone or hopeless or shame-based when I hear another voice like mine in the dark.

ty for sharing.

And I know you're not faking.

Why would you be here talking to us?

I am sure you are not doing it for the heck of it!



Iamnotmyillness