Just one of the problems with psychiatry

Hollowman,

You are wise to try to become the "expert" on yourself. Only you know what you are feeling and how you are being effected by drugs or other types of therapy.

From my prospective, this is a forum for those of us who have some mental disorder to share our stories and what has worked or not worked for us. If others can find within our discoveries, then it is a bonus for both.

I hope you feel comfortable coming and posting here. I think that is the whole purpose of the forum. Living with our illnesses is difficult enough without having a safe place to vent and share.

Best,

Hollowman,

Thank you for your posts. I can relate to the stigma, although I was diagnosed with bipolar. I have met people who have recovered to a certain extent from schizopherena. I probably looked and sounded like I had some schizopherena, as I had many delisions. I was treated with heavy dosages of Thorazine, the then drug of choice for psychopherena.

I think you bring up some good points. Some of us with mental illness will not be completely cured, however, we can put together some sort of life. In a similar fashion, some blind people do a lot even though they do not get cured from their inability to see. I have a good friend who hunts, rides a motorcycle, plays basketball, yet he is crippled. Somehow we have to come up with some acceptance then do the best we can.

As for side effects, then can be terrible. I gained over 100 pounds with my meds.
Good Luck,
James

bereft wrote: Living with our illnesses is difficult enough without having a safe place to vent and share.

Isn't that the truth.

I don't know how I could even start explaining to somebody in person about my disorder so I avoid having to by not telling anyone. Only four other people know about it and I think that only two of them know the details.

There's such a stigma attached to mental illness too. People in general seem to think that people with a mental illness are liable to go postal on them or something. They won't do any research into the different disorders and are just liable to accept that being schizoid means you're something like Sybil.

Funny thing happened the other day. My wife's nephew recently passed away. My mother-in-law says that his spirit walks up the stairs at her house where he used to live in the basement. No one looked at her as if she's 'crazy' but I think it's just wishful thinking on her part, she misses him.

When I was having my little psychotic episode last year I didn't have to make anything up. Everything about it was so real. Without getting into boring details I was convinced of several things. I liken it to a spiritual happening. To explain here would take too long and besides I couldn't do a good job of it. My point is, my mother-in-law can hear some boards creak and to her that means the ghost is walking, I saw and heard things that no one else did and that makes me 'ill'.

Life is weird.

I know I saw and heard what I saw but I do understand that it was my brain misbehaving due to no fault of my own.

I'm fairly certain that I have some sort of genetic abnormality, as I've said earlier. Would a test to confirm that help me? Probably not. The way I understand the symptoms leading to the diagnosis I met them all spot on. Whoopee.

The thing for me is, now what do I do? I'm liable to be getting SSD which is a good thing as I seriously doubt that I could *do* a regular job of any type. The thought of it makes me panicky. Bad. I'm MUCH better off left alone without having to interact with people in the *real* world. Sometimes it's all I can do just to get out of bed in the morning. Today's a good day, that's why I'm posting even though I have gotten paranoid about posting thinking that everyone out there would figure out who I am and ridicule me.

Paranoia is a b****!

I have some plans to do stuff, little things beyond my doing all of the housework blah, blah, blah. That gets old. Been doing it for the past 3 years now. Fortunately my wife helps. I try to accomplish at least one thing positive per day and I count small things, e.g. mowing the lawn, washing my clothes, picking up around the house etc. That's what I've come to. I used to run several large engineering projects simultaneously and now I'm lucky if I can keep myself in clean socks.

I'm doing alright, all things considered. I've got a roof over my head and a LOT of things that I'm grateful for. My perspective gets warped from time to time so I work on keeping things in the right, positive perspective.

I'm long-winded too huh?

I used to participate in another on-line forum but I've been getting worse. It's too easy to see that I'm not 'normal' and people began to make fun of me. People suck.

I'll wait and see how 'safe' this place really is to vent and share. I thought I had friends in the other forum but apparently I had deluded myself so now I'm on my own, so to speak. I'll deal with it, just like I deal with everything else.

Ending on a positive note: So far, so good. I still have my freedom and my health.


Peace.
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Jims,

Trying to keep it together can be a lot of work huh? O know it is for me. I see myself slipping, getting worse, but that's hard to quantify.

Weight gain... I struggle with that. I'm hungry most of the time and I can only eat just so many vegetables and beans. I try to eat a healthy diet but it's nothing for me to go thru a whole box of honey-nut cereal or similar in a day. One of the side-effects of one of my medications is weight gain. I think I've put on 10#'s since I've been taking it. I can see it all continuing too unless I get a handle on it. There are a lot of life benefits for carrying lower weight or a lower BMI-Body Mass Index. I hope I can find them benefiting me.

About 4 years ago, before this all happened, I used to lift weights and was probably in the best shape of my life. Now I have absolutely no desire to lift weights. We have a treadmill and after we first got it I put a lot of miles on it. I should start walking again and at least try to balance my calories out with something good for me.

I love sparkling water. I could drink three/four liters per day but I never buy that much. For me it's too expensive. Nothing but a po' boy here. Water doesn't seem to do the job of filling me up either. Seems like no matter what I'm still hungry and eat so I can identify with weight gain. It's a struggle and you're not alone with that.

Not an epic post this time but I do appreciate your talking to me. Thank you.

Hollowman,

Thanks for sharing. Reguarding this forum, you can get some good feedback, but many of us are sick and most of us are not trained therapists. If something upsets you, it may have been said becasue the other person has a problem. You will find this in other forums and in life. Somehow, we have to learn to listen to the people who are on our side and who have something meaningful to share.

You are doing well to try to do something positive everyday. That notion has kept me going for many years. I was trained in a form ofcognitive therapy in Recovery, Inc. One of the main ideas they have is to push ourselves out of bed and do things. Then we should pat ourselves on the back. We pat ourselves on the back for every positive effort we attempt. Other people are too tied up with their own lives and subsequent problems to just sit around all the time to cheer us on. Patting ourselves on the back can really raise self-esteem.
Good Luck,
Jim S

Thanks for the welcome James.

I checked out your website. Nice job.

I don't think I'm going to be hanging out around here too much. I got kind of burned and burned out at another social website before and I don't need the stress of wondering what others think of me because of what I post. Screw it. Best for me not to post then I won't have to worry about it.

Besides, the best thing I do that helps me out is to email my wife all day long. She has that kind of job where we can do that. At least I've someone to talk to that doesn't judge me. After thinking about it, that's enough for me.

My choice of what I'm going to do right?

I did the 12 step thing awhile back but that program, though good for many, isn't a good fit for me. After I had my little episode I just quit drinking altogether and don't miss it. I think the meds I'm on helped me to see how I'd used alcohol to self-medicate. Now, unlike yourself, I can see me taking medicine for the rest of my life. With my disorder I think it's necessary. For me. Maybe not for anyone else but I'm going to continue taking my medicine no matter what, at least while I still have insurance that pays for them.

Cool that you've accomplished so much. I did too until whammo, right out of the blue I had a psychotic episode. I don't even want to have another one and I'm thinking that I'm doing what I need to do to avoid it.Looking back in time, it's easy for me to see how my psychosis has been a part of me for the vast majority of my life, from at least 1976 on. My quality of life is fine compared to what it used to be. I only wish I'd allowed myself to receive treatment much sooner.

Over the years I've seen a little bit of every type of person, most of whom would think that they know better than I as to how I should live my life. My choices of what I do are the only freedoms I have so I try to choose wisely. I can wallow in self-pity if I want but then that's my choice. I can just as easily say, "hey, I'm a decent guy, my life isn't so bad compared to some people I need to look at the bright side of things."

That's what I try to do. There are plenty of people without my disorder that are much worse off than myself. It may very well be that the best part of my life has already come and gone yet it may also be that the best is yet to come. Who knows? I have times where I'm not taking it a day at a time sometimes it's just minute to minute.

Whatever works, right?

Good talking to you. Maybe I'll see you around some more. Anything could happen.

You do seem to have a good attitude about things. You also seem to have some productivity in your life. I've been retired for a few years, but I still try to stay busy. I can always look around and find some small activity to do that will benefit my family or the community. I get good feelings by just keeping the streets around my house clean. I also raise a lot of flowers and vegetables. I figure that the many walkers who go by my house get a little joy seeing my yard with flowers. In addition, I often share my excess from my garden. Some people really appreciate fresh, organic vegetables.

james

I think that over-medicating a person is completely wrong and I myself am overmedicated to the point where I have shakes but they do it do lull people into a sense of well-being or just to get them back into reality. The proper dosage of medication is needed to cure a brain unbalance is all that is needed in my opinion... just wish I could convince my psych that.

I don't think we can safely say that any psychiatric drugs can 'cure' a person, and how do you measure 'cured' anyway? How do you consider who's cured and who is not?

titanic wrote:I don't think we can safely say that any psychiatric drugs can 'cure' a person, and how do you measure 'cured' anyway? How do you consider who's cured and who is not?

Percentages?