bereft wrote:I hope that you continue to find success with your treatment and are able to share your story with those who are so desperately looking for a way out of their disease.
Thank you.
I reread this discussion and I just want to be clear that I'm not trying to come off as some kind of know-it-all. I'm just looking for a place on the Internet where people won't automatically judge me for having a mental disorder and the first forum I saw was one that is all anti-psychiatry or whatever. I came here to meet people like myself who are trying to do their best living with what can at times be a really hard thing to live with and not to have someone telling me that it's my upbringing or a lack of self-control or morals that makes me the way that I am.
The way I understand schizo-affective disorder is that SA can be caused by defective genes. If there's one thing you CAN'T choose is the genes you inherit at birth. There's some evidence that having older parents may put one at risk for having the SA disorder. My doctor said that I was destined to have it.
Great. Not what I wanted to hear but I'm accepting of that. Both of my parents were older than normal when I was born. My dad was 50 and my mother was 42. I had no idea, until about a year ago, that my diseases could be caused by something over which I had absolutely no control.
I could be bitter about that I suppose but it's actually a relief to hear it as I used to be the kind of guy that thought, "hey, fix yourself. I did". I see that it doesn't work that way. To me now, there's no fix other than treatment with anti-psychotic medicine and that contemplation of ones navel, the introspective look I was talking about earlier.
That's MY method of treatment and I'm likely not able to explain it well. I'm definitely not saying that I have it all together because I sure don't. I'm just trying to say that there are good psychiatrists and medical treatments and I'm glad that there are. I'm not a shrink-basher and I'm not cynical enough to think that it's all about the money for the pharmaceutical companies. While I DO think that there is a lot of commercialism of mood changing drugs I also know that some people need them. Taking a drug as a panacea without doing some work on the underlying causes, to me, looks like an exercise in futility.
Sorry for being so wordy. I just don't want to come across as this dude that claims to know how to fix 'things'. I've too much to do than to try to tell someone else that I have the answers for them. I don't. I know what appears to be working for me and that's it.
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I'm lacking acceptance from other people. No one else in my extended family knows about my diagnosis and I intend to keep it that way. There's such a stigma associated with being schizo and I have a tough enough time dealing with my family that I just don't want to give them any more ammo to use against me. I know they would.
That's what prompted me to look for a forum like this. I want to be able to just hang out with others who are successfully dealing with their mental health issues. If my 'story' and the stuff I deal with can help somebody that's cool but I'm not here to do that. I'm actually here looking for help, looking for a community of others like myself.
Dealing with all of this can be overwhelming. There's times when I don't even want to go into town without my wife going along with me. I'll say it, I'm scared that I won't be able to conduct my affairs peacefully. The way people treat each other is terrible. People are rude and crude to each other and it's hard to deal with. My wife helps to keep me on a more even keel.
I could go on but I think I've said enough.
I appreciate your well wishing. I hope I can be an asset to these forums.