we just don't trust

I've given up on anti psychiatry.

My trust issues are my own and I need to own that, it's part of the grief cycle, trusting your environment.

As a child I went through these when I was diagnosed.

It all came out in court.

I would have been diagnosed with BPD if they were allowed which is currently what I have.

I did cbt and dbt as a child

I went through the $#%^ storm and lied to my therapist about feeling safe around people, she gave an extraordinary response.

It's mine and I own it.

You need to find your own rock god from outer space that can change your view, for me it was the dying.

In our greatest time of need we know who we can and won't turn to.

I participated willingly in psychoactive therapy

I was kept in an adult institution because I was deemed both a security risk and a threat to the other patients.

I was proved wrong every time I bet I'd be proved wrong and I was proved right everytime I bet on being proved right.

I have no excuse me or I'm sorry please make way for me for the bad things I did.

As an adult I'm hard on myself in ways you could never imagine.

I lost all my friends because of this illness, this disease on my memory

Thankfully the friends I had gave me the farewell from their lives that earned from them, some of them I betrayed by even calling them friend because of my age at the time.

I've learnt a lot about myself over the last week and a half, it's been a slightly bumpy ride but I'll survive and live again.

We are wrong, and if only for the sake of political correctness do they allow this abomination of logic as a sub thread.

I used to post on here as a kid, don't assume everyone here is an adult.

I'm going to have to use force on myself to send myself back into therapy.

If nothing else I can undo the damage everything but my blood relatives put me through.



I've got few supports.

I'm difficult to be around, not live with because a team of faemales helped train me in many things and taught me a lot about what I should want out of life.

My greatest fear is I'd become the archetype of my most hated predator.

Thankfully legally I avoided it.

I remember why now to anyone who remembers me, it was my greatest fear to harm children as an adult.

In that I passed my own exam.

I'm in pain because of this.

Life is strange and time is running out for me to do what I want to do in life.

###$ my fear.

I'm going to become a counsellor

I want to go back to helping people

I need to make the money to pay my mum back, that's guilt covered.

So whilever I can make my own food with motivations of that nature and within the context of helping myself rather than punishing myself I will.

If you have any questions about my methods of self abuse please ask instead of making an ass of yourself and assuming

I'm an open book in the right environment.

I was an analyst once upon a time and I made a difference.

But I took the support I DID have for granted.

In the end I was left with nobody because my friends needed to be safe.

I learnt to trust the government again because I took a gamble for lack of a better lie on the fact that I'd be treated fairly by people in a shared environment

I've lost enough, it's time to win again.