Unexpected Change

I registered on this forum last year. Throughout this time I was tormented by some agonising, infuriating memories. I was full of rage remembering something. A week they came several times a day everyday, another week on the contrary was completely free form that particular state of mind.
And now almost exactly since the beginning of this year the situation changed dramatically. I don't recall these events anymore. I even have to make a kind of endeavour, I have to overcome myself making this post thinking about the past. Events that seemed to be so painful last year now became vapid and obsolete. They don't move me now, don't move me at all. Metaphorically speaking, bright dazzling pictures of the past now became out of colour family photos covered with large pieces of spiderweb kept in the darkest corner of an old attic, needed to nobody.
I didn't take a single psych-med throughout, because I deny psychiatry. I have no idea why it has happened, and I don't know how my inner story will unfold in the future. I just want to say that we cannot control our mind. It lives its life, and we live ours. I also doubt that psychiatrists know the reasons of such changes. Are they biochemically caused, or there is another immaterial reason? Should I explain my state in terms of telepathy, because I used to remember particular people who theoretically could remember me? No telepathic waves were registered although. But the exact reason of my mind alteration is hardly possible. I live in the same place, eat the same food, do the same stuff, but I became another person in some respect without any preplanned efforts.
I writing this to let all readers know that our mind is so complex and unexplored that anyone who claim that he can control it is a liar, or just a presumptuous, ignorant person.
In our mind life we are driven by forces we don't know at all. We even don't know where this forces come from, what they are, where they disappear. Like leaves thrown on a surface of a river, we are whirled and streamed all the way down the ocean incapable to escape, incapable to return to solid ground.

Beautiful post and I whole heatedly agree- the mind is a thing of its own. This I know well.

Also I am so happy to hear you aren't being tormented by these memories anymore. This gives me hope and I am sure it will give others hope too.

Riccola wrote:Beautiful post and I whole heatedly agree- the mind is a thing of its own. This I know well.

Also I am so happy to hear you aren't being tormented by these memories anymore. This gives me hope and I am sure it will give others hope too.

Riccola, thank you so much for appreciating my post. I'm trying be insightful.
Considering other people annoyed by the same problem, I want to add that I always denied this memories, and I also denied my infuriation. I said to myself that it is no good to be so irritated, to feel rage and despair about these issues. They are gone there is nothing left, just faded shadows of the past.
Was it helpful? I really don't know.
I can only imagine what a psychiatrist would have done to me prescribing tones of meds or even confining into a ward if I had told him about my problem. In other words, our mind can harm ourselves and can heal ourselves by itself driven by some enigmatic forces which may be covered with darkness forever for human science. I'm arguing this because the aetiology of mental illness is still unknown as it was one hundred years ago. Just consider the ample number of schizophrenia origins hypothesis. At least there more than dozen and maybe more.

So true.

And I'm glad you found relief.

And you are a beautiful writer, unlike me as exemplified by this post. Lol

ColouredLeaves wrote:So true.

And I'm glad you found relief.

And you are a beautiful writer, unlike me as exemplified by this post. Lol

Thank you so much for appreciating my writing impromptu!
It is very important for me because English is not my native language as you definitely see.
I can add and that is a bit mysterious. In the resent four years I intensified language learning dramatically. There were short periods of time when I studied tree languages everyday in my late thirties, quite unusual age for this sort of activity. My memory might be "overheated" and the flashbacks could be a kind of "RAM" errors. But I'm still in language learning maybe in a little less intensive manner as it was before, or my mind has adopted already, but these annoying flashbacks disappeared as if they never existed before.
By the way there is no cleat explanation why people easily memorise languages before eighteen years of age and this ability degrade dramatically shortly after. I telling this to stress the idea mentioned before we know nothing about our mind, it is still an enigma like gravity force was in the Middle ages. So we must be very careful to use any mind and brain affecting medicines, because they may cause unexpected and unwelcome changes in our behaviour and thinking. Noli nocere - first do not harm this is the basic requirement for all medical interventions since antiquity. Do psychiatrists follow this rule? No of course not. This is another reason to think that they are not scientists, they are not doctors, and psychiatric drugs are extremely dangerous.