see!!!! i'm NOT faking it!!!!!!

ok, i'm gona post this here cause...i don't really see any forum topic in relations to what i'm gona be posting about. and since this topic we all love to have fun bashing the hell outta 'doctors'...oh you betcha am i gona be cussing my mouth off!!!

so, in other postings i've posted, you will find a mention SOMEWHERE in and amongst them on how i have a bible-list of drugs i CANNOT take. the neurologist i was seeing at the time cycled me through all those drugs i have listed till he finally and OFFICIALLY gave up and me and refuses to see or treat me anymore. as far as he was concerned, its all mental. all psycho somatic. i have myself in full-uttmost belief that if i were given a placebo pill instead, it will put my body through hell like the real pill, thats why stuff that can't be 'explained' happens. so he thinks i need to be officially locked up in an insane asylyum and officially told me if he had the 'power' to do so, he would. bastard. i go to see a SECOND doctor to get his opinion and 'help'...he gives me ONE new pill, i react instantly to it over night, and he officially gives up on me and says i need to see a shrink. ###$ head.

since i can't find a doctor whose willing to work with me to help and for that matter, find a lawyer who'll take my case....i have to do all the damn ###$ research all on my own. and i have been.

at the current moment, the problem i'm having is insomnia. it ALWAYS happens to me when i DON'T have a 'job'. i go instantly nocturnal and CANNOT seem to re-set my circadian rhythm back to 'normal' and be at least semi-dayurnal. at first, i was only looking for home remedies. i'm too affraid to take sleeping pills anymore...weird $#%^ happens when i do. then one topic lead to another, and another and another.

a short list being serotonin and melotonin, the pineal gland, tryptophan, then 5-htp. i hit a dead end at that point 'cause i already know the research basics i need, tried $#%^ out years ago, and $#%^ happened. so i kept flipping around webpages on those topics and i came to a 5-htp page that was exactly what i was looking for. then my jaw dropped. i saw a brief mention of a problem that doesn't occur that often, but exists. i googled that topic next for more specification and explanation. i think my tongue went for a search for the mouth it came from.....


now, i'm debating on copy and paste the info on the pages when i am gona put the link and you can go and read the info and google the rest of it for more info....

http://www.uspharmacist.com/oldformat.a ... cf2fa6.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serotonin_syndrome

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurolepti ... t_syndrome



naturally i'm sure you can tell by reading the links provided the topics are:

Neuroleptic malignant syndrome
Serotonin syndrome



in the bible-list o drugs i CANNOT take....the anti-depressant ones - majority of them deal with increasing the serotonin levels in one way or another in the brain. you'd think that by the INCREASE in serotonin, everything would be OK. <cough cough!!! hack hack!!!> bull $#%^! <cough!!> $#%^ happens to me instead. and it all varies on dosage and length of taking the $#%^ pills. and ALL of them got 'better' when i stopped COLD TURKEY. didn't happen over night in getting 'better', took a couple days at the shortest time to a month on others....basically, i become someone who to the uneducated, looks like i'm faking $#%^ for attention and that its all in my head. you'd think i'd be mood-wise 'better' with a serotonin increase, and instead, all hell breaks loose. migrains, vomiting, drunken state of appearances, mood swings from hell gone overboard, and seizures.

if one goes and does further research on the two topics at hand and reads the pages the pop up, one WILL FIND that it is specified within the pages and articles that it is often seen as a 'mental' problem of some sort and is psycho-somatic. in my opinion, espcially cause 'serotonin' is viewed as like a 'miricle drug' within the 'human mental psyche' realm. $#%^...i mind as well go and get my ass high off of cocaine!!!! ...cocaine WAS listed on one of the pages i read on serotonin syndrome as a cause of raising the serotonin levels in humans....and the way people take in on the streets, in high doses raising the level of serotonin deadly high in the body......and cocaine WAS thought of as a miricle drug in the 30's and 40's.



so i have no clue whose in the same or similar shoes as i am. i personally highly doubt people are here who have my problem with anti-psyho's and anti-dep's....but, i would highly suggest looking into those two topics if you do and finding a way to slap as hard as you ######6 can your 'doctor' to look over and examine it the way a TRUE doctor is supposed to approach a medical malady... (and not slap and instant diagnosis of its all in your head and it aint real if they can't fig it out.....)

yeah, all the web pages i read said both nms and ss are not common or well known, therefore, rare. so sorry if i got it miscommunicated on the mention of cocaine in the articles i read.

the point i was trying to get at, i guess, was, way back when doctors of the time period saw cocaine as a miricle drug. need energy? take cocaine. have mood issues? take cocaine. got digestion problems? take....cocaine. cocaine being the 'miricle' ingrediant in A LOT of different stuff made at the time.

the next point i'm getting at, the medical realm (imo) is very RE-active and not PRO-active. it wasn't till weird $#%^ started happening doctors sed 'awe $#%^' and pulled cocaine off the market. before that, it was automatically assumed to be a real fixer-upper of problems and applied to how many things.

now today, we may not be dishing out $#%^ that will soon become banned and illegal (thats a very highly debtable topic in itself) as ignorantly as way back when...however. my experience i've had to live through so far, i still see the medical realm as reactive. it becomes a new 'fad' to diagnose someone with a 'mental illness'...bipolar, manic depressive, psychotic, schizophrenic, etc etc and instantly prescribe meds they've now 'officially' assigned and associated with whatever diagnosis. then they come accross someone like me who they've already tried stamping several diagnosis on and giving A LOT of various meds associated with those diagnosis, and then making $#%^ worse on me. they have no clue or knowledge, nor the desire to actually find the CAUSE to treat and not the symptom and put a NEW automatic diagnosis on me instead. its not real, its all in your head. your faking it.

so here's my question to those dumb ass schmucks.....what will it take before they realize someone is NOT faking something? for that person to die?? for that person to become handicapped for the rest of their life due to the meds they were given?? and what if its just ONE person who has truely authentic problems with a drug? once again, back to another topic i brought up in another posting - the needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few....or the one. i guess one life is not important. how encouraging. rather, it'll take mass hysteria and group lawsuit before a peek-a-boo is examined. a REACTION....with no proaction.

i'd say doctors are true hypocrites in irony...no longer do they live up to their hypocratic oath they ONCE had to swear...and no more.

i can tell you i had an interesting time watching a documentary either on the history, science, or medical channel all on cocaine. it wasn't focused on what problems as of this day that drug gives us, it all focused on cocaine through history and its affect on society and population as it has become today. (like the fun part when they went over how freud was royally ass high and addicted to cocaine and all his famous writings would have never been written, if he was tripping out)

and my jaw drops at the birth defects and their causes. once again, the medical schmucks are RE-active...not PRO-active. i know they will try to use the mask that they are being 'proactive' by creating a new pharmeceutical to help prevent/treat a yada yada problem. BUT!!!!! they do NOT do ENOUGH THOROUGH research and considerations of OTHER problems that occur. then the moral/ethical question pops up, which is better for humanity...to take 20 years thoroughly researching a 'new' drug and its possibilities while the society that to-be drug is targeted after continues to suffer from that problem, OR, take 2 years of research, don't cover even 5% of its possibilities, and create BRAND NEW medical abnormalities that cover from mild to severe to death? oh and btw, those NEW medical abnormalities will require research, coverage, law suit litigations, etc etc. that will lead to 'needing' MORE NEW meds to put on the market for the PREVIOUS medical problem created by 'brand new' drug?????

i'm not gona go look up the official hypocratic oath and its wording that doctors ONCE had to officially swear by (they don't anymore), but that oath once shaped and molded what a TRUE doctor is supposed to be. to search for any and all aid for illness and death prevention, and treatment. this included (probably not in the wording i'm gona use, but, consider it re-worded laymans style) not accepting the stamp-all diagnosis, or the multipurupose use drug. someone has an illness, that doctor has to be thoroughly PASSIONATE on getting as nit'n gritty on that illness as possible. meaning, treating the CAUSE, and not the symptom. and that cause has to be found first. patience does NOT exist in humanity as a whole, and damn!!! it shows up very viewable as evidence in the realm of medicine, and due to both doctor and patient causes.


so you were put on wellbutrin and seroquel too huh? lets see, wellbutrin and me. i took it and it did NOT agree with me. you turned into a demon? leme guess, the type of 'demon' where you are so royally flipp'n pissed off for absolutely NO REASON, put ANY random human being in your path, and they'll need a r.i.p. epitaph made up for them while you get thrown in jail? if no human available, call the 'bone-doctor' as you'll probably break a few knuckles, maybe your ankle, rip your acl or pop your hip and shoulder outta joint? thats what happened to me. either i was gona 'kill someone' or....i was crying my eyes out as if it were the end of the world. those '$#%^ fit' sessions came and went just as frequent and 'normal' as seizures did for me. came sudden, sometimes every day, every other day, every week, lasted as long as a seizure, minutes to hours, and when it 'stopped', i felt like i woke up from a seizure. dazed and confused, sore, tired, weak, disoriented, memory f'd up, and had to go sleep. i soo soo SOOOO wish i could get at least ONE frigg'n doctor to recognize and acknowledge what happens to me!!!


ooooooo.....seroquel. awe $#%^. lets say, now i know what its like to be schizophrenic?? took about 10 minutes for that $#%^ to 'set it' motion. i got 'drunk' in appearance. my speech was slurred. where i lived at the time, i was in the basement. i thought someone was spying on me throug the window. and because i know my roomie had a tendancy to leave the door unlocked, i thoght that someone had a bud and they broke in and were slowly crawling down the stairs. then i heard these weird noises. don't know how to describe them other than sci-fi bells and dings. i got very very paniky. i called someone begging for.... ????? hell if i can remember from that point on. everything i'm gona type from this point on, the person i called had to re-tell me everything that happened. he told me i sounded drunk as hell. and at that time, his friend was in the er. he never said what happened to his friend only that he made it sound very fatel as if he had only a short time to live. apparently, i didn't give a rotten ass frigg'n hell if he was kidnapped, murdered, dis-membered, and his remains sent to his friend as a form of 'torture'. later on i know when it was in the process of wearing off and i was kinda back, i got worried for my bud cause i know those two have been close buds for a while and it'll tear his heart apart if his bud died. and it took about 2-3 days for a single dose to wear off. that wasn't fun at all.



i was gona say yes to celexa, i had to go look at my list o drugs, and it looks a lot like celebrex, cymbalta, and concerta. they all begin with 'c'. i honestly MIGHT HAVE, but i cannot remember. i know i lost half my untaken med bottles because of moving so much. i can tell ya when i look at what celexa's chemical ingrediant name, it rings a bell too. but its still in the MIGHT, no firm memory and no bottles to look at as referance. (brief pause for internet referance look up here......)


DOH!!!!! that's why it looks familiar. i was put on its cousin. lexapro. thats why thats why thats why. yeah. me and lexapro DID NOT AGREE either. and once again, its a drug that deals with serotonin. and when i stumbled upon serotonin syndrome, my jaw dropped. ARGH!!!!!

i can tell you as part of my frustration on being put on a bible-list o drugs, as i was getting to the end of seeing the doctor, i too had myself convienced that it was all mental. i'm so damn afraid of the drugs thats why weird $#%^ happens. and i tried, oh how hard i tried, to 'belive' in the last set o drugs the schmuck tried on me. i tried how hardto keep telling myself look! you found the 'happy' drug! this will work! you WILL get better! time passed. nope. $#%^ got worse, yet again.

at that point, after the doc officially gave up on me, i even went as far as to do research for natural and herbal over the counter anti-depressants. oh my gosh was that ever a stupid mistake of an idea!!!! i made myself even worse. more $#%^ happened. more mood swings, and more migrains, and more seizures. what things did i try? ginko biloba, ginseng, 5-htp, sam-e to name a few. i so soo SOOO thought 5-htp and sam-e were really gona help me cause of what mechanizms they work on in your brain. and it would have been something >>I<< could control and monitor closely. oh gawd....why don't i just go look for some cyanide and take that $#%^?!?!?!?!


for all the personal research i'm doing, i'm looking for more pharmaceutical information, not patient info. althought crazymeds is a really damn good website, i'm looking for other $#%^ and i find www.rxlist.com to fit what i seek. theres a couple other websites i use, but can't think of 'em atm.


---can i go bashing the american legal system too? i can't find a lawyer to fight for me cause they think i'm faking it too? dude, i betcha if i were a bajillionaire, i'd be able to find me 50 lawyers to take my case and all work together on it and they wouldn't be able to use their stupid 'legal' excuses they've come up with to deny my case.

Things is, all these drugs you reacted to act on the brain in different ways. When you're talking MNS and Serotonin syndrome, you're talking about a very rare condition that some people get in reaction to one drug; not all of them all of which work in different ways. To have NMS in reaction to *one* drug is rare; to have it in reaction to two, rarer still. To have it in reaction to a whole list which act in different ways on the brain... unheard of. I'm guessing that's why you have problems getting these issues recognised.

I have a friend who is allergic to aspirin. Seriously so. She has anaphylactic reactions to medicines containing aspirin in even minute quantities. Does that make the use of aspirin unacceptable, because there are a few who do react to it? I'm really sorry you've had such a terrible time with meds... but they do help a lot of people. It's never going to be a case of them being the answer to everything, and you can never guarantee that what's safe for one person will be safe for another, however much you research and test something.

I really hope you find some answers.

You might be interested in reading this;

http://www.nmsis.org/general_information.shtml

informative article on NMS.

Like rubystar said, psychiatrists concentrate on just treating the symptoms--not the root cause of our conditions.

Sounds like you've tried everything--but have you seen an endocrinologist? There was a special on last night on the discovery channel, or something like that. I only caught part of it. But a Harvard researcher talked about if your hormones, etc. are off balance by only 1%--it could screw up so many bodily functions.

I feel for you. I have been in the psychiatric nightmare of medications for 4 years now--and I feel its screwed me up more. I really think there are environmental, cultural, and physical/genetic causes for some of our illnesses--especially anxiety/depression--that are ignored. It's just easier to put people on these drugs after the endless visits to saleswomen to these doctor's offices give them all the samples.

I really think there is a physical imbalance that causes my anxiety and depression, but doctor's usually don't want to go there.

Don't give up yet.

rubystar wrote:I wish they would develop an empathogen like ecstasy for use as a psych med. It pisses me off that a drug that actually makes people happy has been discounted. The effects that the government claim that x causes are mostly BS. I watched a documentary on it, it seems like a drug that could be modified to help a lot of people.

Unfortunately also causes some people to experience some quite bad side-effects (including paranoia).

And it can kill.

My brother worked as a nurse in A&E and saw an awful lot of ecstasy casualties; a couple of whom died.

Just goes back to the same ol' same ol'... there isn't a substance in existance that's safe for everyone to take.

It's never going to be a case of them being the answer to everything, and you can never guarantee that what's safe for one person will be safe for another, however much you research and test something.

yes. this is a very very good point. i'm glad you understand. now, can you get the rest of the medical world to understand it?

the doc i was seeing at first thought me to be bi-polar. so he stuck me on drugs that are marketed towards more of the bipolar society. that was a mistake. then he geared it towards a depression category. tried new drugs. nope. same reactions. at that point he thought i was going psycho on him, and switched it over to anti-psychotics. oooooo, then i went psycho on him!! he tried a few other random drugs after that, bad reactions and then officially gave up on me. he told me if he had the authority to do so, he'd stick me back in the insane asylum and keep me there. that really hurt.

the second doc i tried to see, he tried ONE new drug on me. keppra. the sample pills he gave me were the 500 mg. when i surfed around online, people can take 1000-1500mg a day. i wasn't too sure about it. he told me cut it in half. 250mg still seemed too large to me. so i cut the half in half again. 125mg. i took the 125 before i went to bed. i woke up for work the next day kinda late. and holy ######6 $#%^, did i ever look drunk without the fun of drinking. i had the balls to drive to work. when i showed up, everyone around me freaked out and said i was not me. wobbling when i walked, a little slurred speach when i spoke, eyes half open, and apparently when i drove, i was extremely damn dangerous and gravitated towards the median. i called the doc, the doc sed cut the 125 in half. i did. nope. i was still wobbly and out of it. doc called me back in and said he doesn't know what to do either. no blood tests, no xrays, exams, etc whatever to find out what the frigg'n hell was doing what when i took what...argh. schmuck.

You might be interested in reading this;

http://www.nmsis.org/general_information.shtml

informative article on NMS.

yup. beat ya to it! i even emailed their info email addy for insight and direction. basically, there is no record kept of what doctors exist out there that have worked with nms and i have to instead, FIND a doctor whose willing to work with me, and get them to call the nmsis organization for insight and direction. but the response at least agreed that something in my system didn't sound 'right' and the reactions i listed, sound 'fitting'. but the fun part lies in, find a single figg'n doctor who WILL work with me and not be an ass and assume $#%^ like the rest.

Your description of wellbutrin made me laugh. That is exactly what it did to me. I can't believe how mean it made me. Everyone was scared of me. Seroquel didn't make me paranoid it did make me into a zombie. I wonder if it's made out of puffer fish toxin. I looked like the guy in serpent and the rainbow on that crap.

well at least i made someone laugh i guess. female screaming banshee an under-description?? yeah, i wonder if its made with puffer toxin too. i know i read a rumor something was, but it was just a rumor and i never bothered to tract down 'evidence'. lol, now i need to track down serpent and the rainbow and watch it again. talk about an 'old' movie!

They natural stuff messed with me too. Amino acids make me have headaches and make me very lethargic, and spacey.

what 'natural' stuff did you try? what did it do to you as a reaction?

I'm taking remeron now to help me sleep, have you ever tried it?it's a tetracyclic.

EEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! (mega sirens go off) oh hell no no no no no no no!!!! if its a tetracyclic or tricyclic, both have complete different chemical builds, but oh gawd. uh uh. hell ######6 no-i am NOT taking that $#%^ again!!! some i will throw up and can't stop throwing up. others, rashes...and the worst, seizures. i'm thinking anything with a circular build in its chemical structure, i can't take. then again, i don't know o-chem. me and chemistry are not chemically compatible stuff with t-cyclics, or hydro/a (blah) chlor (blah) have so far stayed a constant of being no nos.

Like rubystar said, psychiatrists concentrate on just treating the symptoms--not the root cause of our conditions.

agreed. could i have my ultimate revenge? leme go track down ALL the shrinks (both ologist and iatrists), therapists, counselors, etc., find their mental breaking point, and put them through a never ending hell???? meaning, there is NO 'happy' ending like hollywood always displays. i really want THEM to experience the hell i'm going through, the pain and misery and see what its like to wear my shoes? i've had to wear them since i was born. i don't know what its like to live a life NOT having to wear them yet. as far as i'm concerned, it doesn't exist. for them? at least (theoretically i guess) they NEW what it was like to wear the 'happy and normal' shoes. now take it away from them, and let the curse that befell upon me, to them....till they die...and then see what its like and if they'll still diagnose themselves as they did me???

Sounds like you've tried everything--but have you seen an endocrinologist?

oh hell yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! as you said, I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whats the problem i run into? i tried to go see an endocrinologist cause how many other people (co-workers) harped on me i should go see one. i went in, and she flat out told me, i am not gona waste your time and money, i only take professional referrals from other doctors. you should start by seeing a family doctor.

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!


wana hear the hell of a chase i've tried? keep in mind, i don't have health insurance 'cause i'm no longer considered a dependant by my dad's health insurance company, and, i have a 'pre-exsting' condition which is an INSTANT 'nope' we won't cover you. and, since i'm in colorado, i've already tried the colorado insurance option. basically, they exist for those who can't get health insurance. they have catch22's. first, i need an official denial letter. ok, not a problem. next, i need to fill out ALL their forms...ergh. hard and complicated and takes a while. its not a simple 'fill in these lines' etc. you need to track down ALL your medical records. that was hard. THEN!!! you're personal income needs to be examined (like how the us govt looks at your work history for social security). basically, after all the pain and hell i went through, and waiting how many months for the decision, i was denied. to them, i'm too 'healthy' and make too much money. i don't fit their criteria. and even if i DID fit their criteria, the monthly pay i'll be paying is equivalent to a 2-bedroom apartment rental here in colorado. that is NOT in my budget. and yes, i've already tried filing for social security disability with the us govt. i was denied twice. to the us, i make too much money...regardless of how i got it by bouncing between HOW MANY temp jobs that i've almost died from working at how many times (yes, i'm serious about the 'fatality' part).

ok, on to the doctor chase story. b/c i do not have health insurance, there is a clinic here one can go see, so i did. i got royally pissed off at them. its more focused and oriented towards 'poor' hispanic/mexican families who need the average cold/flu meds for their kids. i showed them my med list at the time (which was shorter than what it is now). the doctor freaked out. told me this is NOT his field or specialization and he doesn't know what to do. he pointed fingers to go try a higher ranking 'general' doctor than he. argh. that i can't do cause i don't have the money. i was also seeing my neurologist at the time. then he started putting me on meds and longer went the list. he wanted me to see a shrink. i tried going thru the city and counties mental health assistance program. basically, if you have no health insurance and no money, go to them. counselors and therapists and shrinks. they all wasted my time, pulled money out of my pocket, gave no assistance to the $#%^ i was going through and didn't know what to do. after my neurologist gave up on me, time passed by, thats when i tried a 2nd neurologist. he gave up too and sed go see a shrink. ###$. i already tried dickhead. so, i called the first neurologist office and was hoping i could get away with him 'recommending' me to an endocrinologist. i was given a name and number, i made an appt and when i showed up....apparently it wasn't 'official' enough for her.

oh so trust me and do understand i honestly DID TRY to be the 'good and obdient' little girl and try all routes possible for medical help. and each and every single damn route i chose, all gave up, didn't want the 'responsibility' of helping me, and pointed a finger to go try another direction instead. so i am totally royally ass firggn frustrated as hell at the medical world and really would like to go shove it up their ass so far it comes out the top end!!!

Just goes back to the same ol' same ol'... there isn't a substance in existance that's safe for everyone to take.

hence my loss in 'faith' in the medical realm. if i broke a bone and need it reset and cast, then i guess. if a bomb went off and i lost my leg or arm and had a chance of living if the amputated appendages were sewn shut...ok. but the anti-biotics, depressants, and psychotics they may also give to help deal with infections and mental trauma to those situations, no. i'm getting to the point where i mind as well reset the bone myself, and let myself pass away from loss of blood due to a lost limb. i really am loosing my patience and belief...

like i said earlier, whats it gona take to slap some sense in a doctors head? what do i have to do, DIE as a RESULT of a drug?!?!? probably not, then i'll just be one less concern on their minds if i'm gone....$#%^ heads.