Need Help! Seeking Advice From Like-Minded Individuals

*moderator note; topic contains possible triggers*

Hello everyone. I have spent a considerable time lurking these forums and sites similar to it. Now I want to participate because I need advice from like-minded people.

I am an Anti-Psych. I have done extensive research on the subject and believe it is not a form of medical practice at all but rather a form of social control and conditioning.

However; I have suffered from suicidal ideation for a long time and I am reaching my tenth anniversary. I do not want to spend another ten years with the desire to commit suicide.

I have also recently started suffering from homicidal ideation. I have no desire to hurt anyone but I think my mind is trying to find new ways to cope with dealing with others in a negative way.

I abhor violence. Logically I know it would be a strain on my conscious and others would suffer if I ever hurt myself or others. Morally and ethically I know it's wrong and I know no one deserves that kind of treatment.

However; I am also an avid conspiracy theorist. I do not believe most of the information given because I am a cynical skeptic but I do believe we live in a nation fueled by greed and power through a corrupt government paid for by corporate oligarchies to enslave all of us through wage and debt.

The homicidal ideation stems from this. I fantasize about killing corrupt politicians, lobbyists, corporate shareholders, doctors, judges, lawyers, etc. as if I was a vigilante of some sort.

I am also an activist. I was a part of anonymous until I disagreed with their methods and a member of Occupy until they dwindled out like it was just another fad or something. Now I'm trying to help the feminist movement gain ground on equal wages because I think we can actually change it.

The point is though is that I no longer wish to hurt myself or others and think I should seek medical help. However, I don't want to be incarcerated again or subjected to pills. Should I just keep my beliefs and philosophies to myself? Should I even seek help at all?

I think you should read this ,

Why Anti-Authoritarians are Diagnosed as Mentally Ill http://www.madinamerica.com/2012/02/why-anti-authoritarians-are-diagnosed-as-mentally-ill/

Excellent Article!

I definitely relate to the paragraph about anti-authoritarians feeling like their caught in a vicious cycle to choose between sacrificing ideals in order to be established in the status quo or staying true to their beliefs and being exiled for it.

** Mod Deleted Double Post**

If you seek "medical treatment" for what you are describing, you will get a different service which will have nothing to do with "medical" and nothing to do with "treatment". You will be started on a brain-disrupting drug which will numb you, dull you, disable you even physically for the time you will be taking it. If you disclose any intent to cause harm to a psychiatrist, even an old intent, you will get incarcenated. By the time you are released the drug will have made you apathetic and unable to have any deep thoughts, deep emotions, or anything. That's the business.

The so-called antipsychotics are largely used for this purpose. They are not at all related to psychosis, but they are brain-disrupting drugs which will disrupt communication between neurons in the brain by blocking dopamine and serotonin.

For every disagreement with the psychiatrist (you will disagree with the incarcenation and harmful drugs), your dose will be increased. Therefore you will be drugged until you are completely apathethic, and that dose will only go up with every incident of dissatisfaction.

Dopamine is needed also to feel good. When on these drugs, you will feel worst in your life, 100% like sh*t, unable to feel any pleasure from anything. The drug also causes you to be suicidal, have a sexual dysfunction, and you will gain weight for not being able to normally move. Your thinking, emotions, memory will be impacted. It will cause trembling, heart problems, breathing problems, movement problems. The drugs are highly toxic and from the first dose will start destroying your central nervous system, and causing involuntary movement in your fingers, mouth, legs, etc.

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Should you voluntarily seek brain damage to become dull, numb, apathetic, fat, suicidal, physically disabled such as unable to move except for very slowly, unable to work, unable to relate to people, etc.?

I would recommend it only as the absolutely last resort. For treating false beliefs, these drugs are only marginally efficient, and same result can be achieved with placebo. When you stop taking them, they stop disabling your brain, and if anything is left from your brain you will have exactly the same false beliefs as before the drugging. So these drugs that keep your brain disabled might become prescribed for life-time [endless misery].

You must keep your beliefs to yourself. To treat yourself, it is absolutely a must that you start making new friends, talking with people, socializing, joining meetups or parties, do everything not to be isolated from people.

cuz if you live too far from the downtown, or spend too much time without talking with others (about normal things), it will get worse and you may develop very strong beliefs, act on them, and then you get locked up and drugged to the max, possibly with a drugging order for life.

The reason you are thinking of conspiracy is that you are isolated from people and you are starting to feel more and more afraid, suspicious, angry, etc.

All of this is NORMAL. But you must fix it by reintegrating back into society, spend time with others, or at least move closer to the downtown, go out where many people hang around, all of this helps.

I have researched this topic so thoroughly, and I believe that all so-called psychotic disorders including schizophrenia are not disorders, but only normal behaviors given what happened to the person (isolation). In every case drugs will disable you, but will not treat or cure anything. You will be unable to do anything on drugs. That is what psychiatrists want, and they want it to protect the society from your anger. The drugs also make you suicidal, morbidly obese, physically and mentally disabled, and they cause psychosis, depressions, etc. so if you tell anything to a psychiatrist you get more drugs and the side effects will cause something really serious.

Stay away from toxic brain-disrupting substances, a chemical lobotomy, placebo with effects of disabling the brain. Psychiatrists will coerce you to keep yourself disabled, and they will say without having your brain disrupted and disabled that you are dangerous and must stay incarcenated. You tell them ever that you did not take the dose [because it makes you suicidal and unwell], they will coercively come to inject you into your house every week.

The bottom line is, you can treat yourself like this: start talking to others, join a gym / health club, find people online who have the hobbies that you have, etc. Socialize again more and more until you gradually start having normal beliefs again, any fear will go away, normal life, many friends who can make you happy and support you.

If you prefer psychiatry, their alternative is a permanent brain damage, incarcenation, apathy, isolation probably forever. Trust psychiatrists even for one second and they will exploit you to talk, and then they use everything you said against you to keep you locked up for it.

Socialize with people, reintegrate into society, all fear, suspicion, conspiracy thinking, and anger will go away. Education also helps, i.e. studying some courses, short courses or longer.

Great post Quackery!

I will try socializing rather than continuing the cycle of being the victim.

Hi WanderedTheWrongRoad

You strike me as being sober and decent,
so ideation of suicide and homicide is a stark contrast with your character.

Unwanted ideation does not necessarily come from yourself.
Have you noticed an unfamiliar mood when these impulses come ?

In my experience, although they superficially seem to be from your familiar self,
there are telltales when interference occurs.

Look more closely when they come [they hate this].
Refuse to obey.
Look for hints of a disguised contempt for you.

These impulses are not coming without reason.
The authors of these impulses feed on life-energy,
which is released in large quantity when a healthy human dies.

I call them mind-parasites, which is a reasonably descriptive term.

The good news is that they are already doing their worst.
Fact is, we are stronger than them,
so they rely on bluff or despair to tip a victim over the brink.

PM me if you want to talk further.
Best Regards,
the Cruxx

I second quackerys brilliant post. If I could talk to myself a year ago I would find a way to convey; "stay away from psychiatry, your life depends on it, antipsychotics will wreck havoc on your life, your health, your state of being will be as if turned from healthy into a stone man, you already know logically it is against logical to put something in the body which the body has not evolved around and especially something with numerous side effects and personal experiences from others saying it ruined their lives, just don't even consider the risk, stay far away and keep your family and friends far away from it too." lol got a bit carried away I think, could have just left it to the first 2 points but more needed to be said really to make the point clear i.e. stay away from psychiatry as you would declaring yourself a witch in the Elizabethan era.