Brilliant Post Riccola. Superb.
So much insight.
My experience with medical bureaucrats was exactly that.
You have captured it with poetic precision.
Bravo !
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because becoming self aware has only caused me more grief
Important distinction :
Being more aware of your pain and confusion is the First Step to Freedom.
I kid you not.
Ordinary people are obsessive about avoiding uncomfortable subjects.
They absolutely do not want to know about what ails them.
My assessment is that ordinary people are mental and emotional cripples,
and because they are moral cripples, too, they remain ordinary.
You are at an important decision point.
Perhaps the most important question for you, Ever.
No need to decide immediately ; take your Time.
Get it Right.
Take a sober view, piece by piece, until the picture starts to make sense.
Not too difficult, and you end up with something Magic.
The question is between 2 options.
Yes, there are in-betweens, but it boils down to 2.
Will you ? Do Whatever-It-Takes to solve the Mystery of Reality.?
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Yes or No ?
This chooses between 2 very different futures.
100% Your Responsibility.
It’s Entirely Up To You.
Personally, for myself, becoming a Reality Detective saved my life.
Highest possible recommendation.
So far I’ve invested 60 years into this Quixotic Quest,
and the benefits are unthinkably* good. *{Yes, there are realities beyond Thought}
For the recent 10 years, I have been mostly happy.
Real happiness, the satisfaction of a meaningful and purposeful existence.
Happiness increased by the social hygiene of avoiding interactions with the morally diseased*.
And remember : Happiness is the Absence of unHappiness.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .*{basically, everybody}.
I’m astonished at the depth of honesty in this forum.
No wonder the Stuffed-Shirts think you’re all mad !
{their horrible assumption is Freud’s Projection at work}
So, keep kool.
In your own mind, nothing is stronger than your decision.
Truly.
We all choose between ordinariness and impeccability.
Every day. Every task. Every thought.
I have the painful pleasure of a ridiculously High standard of Workmanship.
This works for me, and it’s getting better as I strive for excellence in all things.
Doing so opens every subject to meticulous detail and evolving Meaning.
This is how we transform our sense of Self from a bewildered primate into an unknown genius.
Have fun with this : as Jack Reacher says “The Best Revenge is to Live Free”.
In a romance with Knowledge, we know that the enchanting girl
is not going to walk out on us over some selfish unreasonableness.
Knowledge leads to true Freedom . . . eventually.
{quite opposite from the meaning of freedom when spoken by mainstream Politicians}
Freedom is fresh air to our spirit.
The price of freedom is Discernment, Courage, and Persistence.
These 3 personal standards are the keys to your own existence,
to the delicious totality-of-the-self.
Regards from the Cruxx
Paradox is where thinking gets most interesting.