losing It

First there were mainy places when i could post this i picked this one because it seem to fit the most


I dont really know what to say or how to say it but i am going try. I am lost and tired, and, angery and, in everlasting paini do not know how to deal with it any more since i was little i alwas been alone and always dependent on myself i grew up with a abusive step-father and a mother that committed suicide and when she died i moved to a father i never new he married a female thats was worse then the step-father mental that is got away from her when she started to sleep with other people then my father at about fithteen few years later i was seventeen he started to date another female who is better but has moments and to this day he complanes about it to me and i just dont care and it pisses me off and i dont know how to deal with things any more i mooching off of her and it makes me feel like crap that i cant help out in any way i am basically the maid i take care of the dogs i clean and i have to put of with my father (he is an {arce hole}) and i cant get away i never had some one to love never really learned what/how to love i am lonly and my heart heartache so bad it makes me sick i never learned how to drive or ride a bike or how to make friends or any thing people should.

Hear when i am out now my headaces bad it makes me sick i feel nothing but anger i am lonely and i cant get away i am lost in a world i make i need help im lossing my mind and am in need of more then words every day i deam of horror every day more and more i have thoughts and deams of people screaming, of me hurting people i cant stand having to rely on people i grow more and more angry, and am lossing my self more and more i am lost i really have no idea how to explane this thoughts of bloody thoughts and ones of dread the only reason i never took my life is a believe in god i used to be able to deal with it but i just cant any more i want to i just cant.

Dont think any one hear can help be buy im no longer intact and dont know what to do im lost.

That must be really tough, Kyle. So much stress there. Is there anyone in real life that you might be able to talk about any of this with? Anyone that you trust, not necessarily a friend or family member.

And, I hope you don't mind me asking. Why did you pick Anti-Psych to post in? We do have a lot of forums, so I can understand the choice being difficult. Just wondering. I'm glad you're here, anyway. Keep posting.

I don't really have any one I can talk to, I picked this category because I what I said I know and the family I can be around even say that I'm not 100% there any more I even seen a psychologist in his works I am very unstable and need help as days go by I can feel nothing any more.

Do you have a doctor that you could talk to, Kyle? They might not be able to help themselves but could point you to other services. Although they might have some ideas about the headaches which might help a little.

Are there any local help or support phone numbers you could call? Mental health helplines? Again, trying to find places that you can talk to someone and start getting some help. If that's difficult to find. You can Private Message me if you like. Let me know the general area you live in. I'll have a look online and see if I can find anything. [I'm not a doctor or psych or anything professional! But I'm good at searching.]

How are you doing Kyle?

Your story touched me.

Are you well enough to learn some of the things
you would like to such as riding a bike and driving a car?
It's never too late to learn new things.

You do need connection. Can you try going to a support group
or club or caring church?

[mod edit]

Read uplifting books and listen to uplifting songs.

Nature and animals can also be very healing. Can you get out
to a park or near a river or the ocean ? Watch the clouds, listen to
the birds.

Can you volunteer at a shelter for animals? Many animals there have been neglected or abandoned
and need love and care and some will give you love back.
People who work there are usually very nurturing, kind and gentle.

A friend of mine, after years and years of depression, got training as a
volunteer at an animal shelter, and her work there cured her depression in a miraculous way.

You've had it hard in life, that's for sure. Thanks for sharing some of your struggles Kyle.
I know you can find help for your aching heart. May you find a rainbow just around
the corner to give you hope and a new lease on life.
Take care.
Don't give up.