Lost it with Anti-psych philosophies

whats better then haldol??? its $#%^ but they are all $#%^

just had an old freind over, she lined up some weed but when I asked her about it she didn't know what I was stalking about, said things were weird, thinnk she is having an episode of something, took her a while to find my place and got lost but still came, she must have been in a bad mood,, she still gave me the weed but kept playing dumb, I didn't understand...I laughed when she said how much her life was in a mess, but I laughed because it was good to see her and my empathy is wiped out on antipscyhitoc, don't know why I would smile...wouldn't be a very good peer worker if I laugh at people suffering.

Razael wrote:whats better then haldol??? its $#%^ but they are all $#%^

Pretty much anything, atypicals at least don't give you quite so many side effects so quickly.

Yes, they're all horrible! They're one step above chemo drugs in destroying your body, and they're much worse in destroying your mind.

I wrote to Dr ppeter breggin,[ look him up] but not sure he is gonna hellpp me, but what I wanted to write about is I had visitation like he did get my letter, and about sergeant Effer, she handed out justice for my attempted murder by hanging and for the truck driver in an accident to make a stink because it led one of the passangr of the mmissing sedan an eccticential crisis.....sergeant effor was good something to do with contacting breggin sent her, really good..she appeared with a big hat thats what I noticed and really keen to bring about justice for the traumatic stuff that the shrinks are ignoring....just went on about the traumatic memories in this thread.post1511431.html#p1511431 .its on iatrogenic conditions just conversateion led me to talking aout the attemptd murder and car accident, can't be bothered talking about it again.

I am really bored smooking a joint...feel like I got stuff to say but nothing in my head, hardly think about my girlfreind anymore, might drink another kaboom.

something is stirring in my loins and wish to laymyself down soemwhere, donnt know where , maybe its my girlfreind calling me...don;t reallyknow how to say it, its like being horny or hungry for something and dont know how to get it...maybe I should think aobut my girlfreind, its onlyh since I met her that I have felt anything like that.

$#%^ mylifestyle has deteriourated since increases in medication, I hardly mind living in fillth, hardly ever shower or change the sheets, only reason I changed my sheets the other night is because I was tripping, thats the onlly time I resent the way I am keeping my unit, and paranoid about the landlord, insepciting me astrlaly like i know he is thinking of evicting me, and I would be ###$ if that happend on antipscyhotic , no way I could deal with it, I have too much stuff and not enough money, dosn't hel0p that he overcharges on rent and antipscyhotic has my cooking skills very limitied and harldly bother to cook and lately getting pia better then vegetarian, I mainly stay with this vegitarian chick peas potatoes, carrots lentels and lately added turnip the white carrots parsnip maybe can't rememer...but this makes me gag, I cook it in a pot and put the pot in th fridge and reheat it, pretty discusting , so been getting mexicana's from the piza shop accross the road, iget them to swap the capsicum for mushrooms and atelty hasn't been bothering me so much with sanitary stuff, sometimes I could taste a dirty thumb print on the edge of the pizza, but been fine and nothing made me spew, somethimes I spew thinking this smart arse kid spat on my burger, he is a @@@@@@@ makes me cringe when I see him so dont go in anymore because I can;t stand him, he said to me once that he was watching me so for a while he was gesturing to his eyes like reminding me that he's watching me...I live accross the road from some shops, he not as much a smart arse now but makes me cringe....I got left over potato and lentel $#%^ with lots of chick peas was the end of the packet, tastes like $#%^ made me feel like spewing with too much of it as it started going cold after I mixed the rice with it, I guess the rice is good....don't know what to do, I can't be bothered doing anything different and meat makes dirty $#%^ that I can;t be fucd cleaning like dishcloths get oily and yuck so I stick to this vegetarian $#%^ and it makes life a bit easier.....I never used to be this ad untill med increases....I know I talkk like $#%^, I get stoned to feel like talking and it sounds like $#%^ maybe because I am relying on marijuana to feel like I can put some thoughts down on my pages.

pretty boring I guess, but I am really bad situation with deteriourated lifestylle because of pscyhaoitray, smoke another cigarette drink another energy drink and go to bed, this is all I do, but today I am staying up trying tof ind something to do and this is all I had to do...how boring what else can I do? I lost all my interests in everything, nothing to do. but kinda feeling better with this desire to get sexual like I want sex, can;t explain it

I do read over what I have written a lot trying to see if it will make sense , I dunno but I like reading over it, thats about all I do is write emails and posts here and thats it...thhanks psychiatry I used to have a bit more going for me.

I am seriously considering withdrawing my informed consent and wait until police come to my house and in an amulence to hospital, just to make a stand that this life they have me living is wrong, I talked about it, its sick very sick, all I do is sleep and winge about psychaitry, smoke some numbers and feel good, except for the tripping when the astral comes alive, very weird way it does on antipsychotic and marijuana, its not good so I need to remember to meditiatte as frequently as possible, mostly I am only capable of staying with about two breaths but I am persistent enough when offsetting any potential to trip out and keep my power, tripping should be good but it aint good on antipsychotic under their authoritarian comman to be unsettled by stuff and need their help, no way I know that the antipsychotic just makes me a sitting duck....bit of a tangent to talk about trips there, I already tried to explain it

so I smoking a joint thinking of ways of refusing this treatmetn, how do I get my way, I just have to do what s right and officially refuse to get my point accross....although they might try to send me to the communiity care units,

my astral girlfreind stepped in so I didnt thinkk about suicide anymore, that and the weed, she really dosn't want m to think about suicide its good, told my case manager in an email, nobody really likes my emails though, I think VCAT blocked me they usually send instant reply when they get the email, now its not doing that, I sent them some stuff repeating the same heading about my iatrogenic illness's maybe they thought it was spam

don;t reallyknow how to say it, its like being horny or hungry for something and dont know how to get it...

I feel that way all the time too.

I used to have flight of ideas, certainly not capable of that anynore, this is a sign of brain damage, just when I had flight of ideas I was ###$ on benzo which made my thinking one dimentional and thought blocking at the same time, they said it was all symptoms but it was iatrogenic, they have no insight into this.

what was I gonna say? my memory is shot..some people were talking about healing homes of finland and saying they getting 80percent recovery rates and peope cured of schizophrenic, no longer schizoprhenic, so why doesn't this hit the media and the goveernment to make change in the way antipscyhotics are prescribed.

thats what I gonna say. my psychiatrist thinik she is right when revenging my lining her up with torture, when I tripping she comes at me untill I do my breathing excercises...now she is trying to makke me belive her pseudo science after reading a blog post in mad in amecia postulating biolgoical origings of schiophrenia, ###$ with my head now they have power over my thoughts about dopamine imbalances and not able to thinkk with all certainty that its just #######4, pseudoscience quackery...I could go on about the dopamine theory but I cant be bothered.

dont go cheze! cheze is gone