Lost it with Anti-psych philosophies

I really wanna F#@$k the psychiatrist ###$ them...I hate her tried psych attacking her all good but its not working hard enough...she switched on the psychiic connection with her that usually makes me feel suicidal power tripper, can't stand her....I want her dead more then anything, suicidal and karma bitch, I hope she commits suicide

trying to line up a second opinion, there is funding under the new metnal health act...have found a guy that does transcendental meditation teacher and into mindfullness, doesn't just dish out drugs so would be good opinion I guess to getting my dose lowered and maybe some respect for my taoist phioosophies and that I used to be abe to take charge of my mind with discipline and "no mind" that moves mysteriously functions mysteriously according to the teachings that are true, the use of breathwork to clear attachments and emotional startes, I should be respected for how I know I can sort things out from craazy times sleep deprived...I wrote his clinic an emaio to pass onto him explaining how much information I wish to share makes it impossible task and might just seem like a symptom the mistake tht has been made and plus my capacity of mind is reduced on the drugs making no option to get lost on a tangent, memeory problem I forgot to metnion but he will get the drift, hope they forward my email to him....his name is DR Rigby all I really seen about him is programs he is involved with http://www.positivementalhealthprogram. ... -30Apr.pdf so he sounds pretty good from reading that, although shame he doesn't do the acceptance and commitment therapy, but he teaches mindfullness so he gotta be on the same page as me..,.I will copy the letter I wrote to him hope he reads it:

Dear Sir / Madam

I hope you can forward this to DR Rigby, as I don't want to be undeer pressure when I see him, it brings out the worst in me pressured to try to bring up details of how I am finding life on antipscyhotic, I am blocked of anything interesting in life except for my astral girlfriend and meeting other life in the universe, this means a lot to me and is part of my relious path, I dealt with the archangels or deal with them when not on antipscyhotics so I am well of for guidance and they introduced me to the astral projection of the universe and to transform for myslef to become more angelic by nature on this physical planet, not just astrally my entire being transformed but antipscyhotics and the treatmetn ruined me. Maybe this won't do me any favours, I know DR Rigby must have some awareness and we work on the same page taht meditation can be a usefull tool in overcoming extremem states and learning to have wisdom about sufferings of life and reaching for nirvana, I would be reaching for nirvana or some elevated state or in in line with esoteric persuits to aligning with godliness, the higher self, this is part of the reason i had a problem with intrusive memories that have been ignored that tied in with past hospital admissions, as part of my spiritual developmetn had me go on a journey back in time and relive mometns I forgot about, traumatic stuff to deal with and the frankston pscyhiatrists just ignored all that, not a mention anywhere, t hey not even hypothesise that I had false memories nothing. I hope Dr Rigby will be a good second opinion.

As you can see I have a lot to share and think it would be pushing the limits for me to get this all accross in an appointment, I hope DR Rigby doesn't mind taht I have a lot to say...I dont say anything much normally and speech is difficult on high dose of antipsychotic, this leads to problems when bringing up all this information and the peninsula health spcyhiatrist just like to say its a symptom, so it mush be common under antipscyhotic to be well and truly screwed of being listened to and respecetced...I guess when the things I like to talk about register in a open and dynamic mind they not sound too bad, but on the spot I think It will be easy to get a bad opinion when my case is actually quite complex and would have been better meeting DR rigby when I waas first admitted under a CTO, a lot of damage has resulted in the mean time and they just say its schizophrenia symptoms but I know its from the antipscyhotic, I know better. my natureal state is superiour as long as not sleep deprived natureal state. I always revocver once I sleep but the idea is that the antipscyhotics make peole recover, the pscyhaitrists I have dealt with have been agrivatingly ignarant and mutuall respect problem that they are degrading me and I am upset about it and they discriminate the situation as balance of poewer issue that its all denied and they just say I am moody, probably schizoaffective irritable and deluded about what I know is the truth about the situation.

Maybe it won't do me any favours for him to familiarise himself with me for this second opinion if you forward what I write, not sure it will help . I hope he still thinks he can give me a good opinion after reading about such things that I would probably metnion my spirit guides and astral lover, she protects me and am safe with her, she means the world to me...don't want it to be a shock for dr rigby and give him some time to register about it so not so much on the spot where he might make the same mistake as all the other psychaitrists form peninsula health.

Ihave written too much already, I like to write about it, its the only think keeping me busy except for sleeping all day and thinking about my girlfreind, I can live a normal life and act normally despite bing aware of coexisting in another part of the universe, I used to need to meditate to have this astral projection of the universe but now I can do it anytime I want and revisit being s and places..very rich life...I hope DR Rigby can see that I am schizotypal personality but not schizoprhenic or something, or maybe he is aware of spiritual emergencies. Religiouus and spritual problems in the DSM and the eliment of PTSD of pscyhh wards and pscyhiatry evaluations, I act abnormal around psychiatrists and it causes probblem with too much to say and not the capacity of mind from the antipsycthotic, so its easy to get side tracked on a tangent when talking, like I said the antipscyhotic makes things worse not having full capacity of mind to put toward putting into sentences, I would have more to say in person if not on antipscyhotic and more profound insight to my state of mind and bbeing, I could acheiv e great things in recovery from what the antipsychotic has done to destroy my delicate life losing all interests and skills and meaning, I have found some meaning with my astral lover but that is with antipsychotic and restricted from being in love with her and what the relationship c ould truly offer me in my natural state, my consciousness with other being too has expanded while being restricted on antipsychotic, my consciousness would expand to a profound degree if I could recover and get off antipsychotic one day, but will use very low dose for a while until I know it will be safe, I might get more intrusive memroies of childhood and the accidents.

sorry I have written so much
I hope Dr Rigby is a bit interested in hearing from me and I n ot push things too far for what he might think agree with the diagnosis I already have, as long as he understands what anitpsychotics really do, I think they make people ill with a dopamine imbalance that the brains neurogensisi tries to heal itself from causing problems, but that illness of dopamine imbalnce seems to be adressiong symptoms of the condition that will naturallly resolve itslef in vast majority of cases, usually people say a crisis might last 6weeks for me much shorter and leads to resolving deficits in pre-episode functioning and resolving karmic deficits, it really is a supernatural thing when people appear pscyhotic, wonderfull advancements can come of it and new enrcihed way of seing the world...I would like the truth to come out for all psychiatrists but at this stage they just disagree with me, I don't suppose DR rigby will be much different when knowing about drug free recoveries like in soteria house by loren mosher and author and jungian pscyhiatrist John weir Perry, It should come out eventually and the majority of pscyhiatrists will look silly and be put to shame for their past treatmetns of people and making their prognosis worse with the brain adapting to antipscyhotic, I know this is true it makes my religious path more rocky stoppy starty and might get me into trouble if I don'tm taper off and let neurogenisis heal me, mostly I will be getting back into my religious belifs and philosophies and abiltiy to master my own mind, and at least have a mind, its horrible on antipsychotic becuase I dont have a mind thoughts or feelings like everyone else and nobody seems to understand.

Sincerely
Razael
and my original letter to him

Dear Dr Rigby

I wish to get a second pscyhiatric opinion with the funding under the new metnal health act. If you don't mind I will give yous some details about me to look into. most notibly my studies in Taoism were considered delusions how I knew I would recover from sleep deprivation and maybe a spiritual emergency when admitted to pscyh ward after calling ambulence for panic attacks about my sleeping and blackouts, I thought I was going to die..I have hypervigalence about psych wards from neaarly dieing from an alergic reaction to accuphase that was in my memory they claimed I was paranoid and a benzo blocked my thinking that made me pass out and wake up with paradoxical reaction and agitation oveer my deficited state they were recording all as symptoms, I doubt I will be able to go into all these details with appointmetn as I will need to topic jump and it gets difficult to talk about, I had other traumatic memories too that were intrusive and even though this was my only real problem the service ignored these completely. Things that linked in with past hospital admissions and I suffered amnesial about accidents that were covered up and being hung in a noose taht I treated as a joke, but it was serious and felt like someone was after me [maybe tthe guy that went to jail I found out from his Ex girlfriend] mostly however past hospital admissions were just about my family worrying about my sleeping, I was fine if just given some space from them and eat and sleep, I was tortured in hosptials and the alletgic reaction to acccuphase and out of body experience when the nurse could detecct a weak pulse, they gave me ECT when recovering from this but there was nothing wrong with me I was placid and very well behaved, not psychotic they just treated me very badly, I know they did a whole lot of damage to my life as I was a university student and interested in philosophy of science metaphysics numerolgoy and doctors just say I had pseudo-philosophies, I have philosophy around my extreme states but mostly as i said I can cure that with good sleep, food and maybe some chi-gung that I had used in 6years freedom from psych drugs where I developed my Taoist inspired mind and NO mind that functions mysteriously and to perfection, they just say I am deluded for what I know about mind synchronising medicine.

Something of interest is my astral projection and I have a new astral lover, this isn't some schiophrenic thing as books hav e been written on it, thats something maybe you could look into, sorry I can't give you titles of books at this time but they are out there, I thinnk I would make people jealous if they knew my full story. So because of this astral lover I met from time refusing treatmetns when I re-engaged in astral projection of the universe, I went to the land of the archangels and they showed me to find her..she is highly evolved and serves also as a spirit guide, so I am no longer at risk since I had problem first coming to meet extra-terrestrial life and started a seige over my sense of security, but now I am at peace with them and now since I have gone further in my voyage I have the respect of beings high up in the ladder of trustee's of the cosmos and everywhere I go I am respected and cherished, pity though that my psychiatrist isn't on the same page and doesn't respect me as much as I deserve...it took refusing treatmetn for developmetns and furthering my voyage and I can expect great things if I can find a way of antipsychotic eventually, I will use a low dose of haloperidole in the mean time until I can find a balance from what damage the drugs have done to my drug free state, making more prone to getting problems with sleep deprivation probably.

MOst importantly I am on too high dose of antipsychotic and consequentially lost all interests and skills and motivation, I am highly motivated when refusing treatametns and I know the difference....I can't feel any love and joy and again this is from the treatmetns and I wish for a much lower dose to perhaps improve my relationship with my astral lover and reclaim my life and authenticity and identity. I still have the developments of Taoism and my studies to achieve "NO-mind" with breath work and knowledge of clearing emotional blockages, I can sort myself out in fact a great mistake has been made in not letting me recover from sleep deprivation, sleep deprivataion is the only thing that makes me seem unwell and if my belifs are too bizzarre I would if anything be known as schizotypal Personality because I am anygthing but pscyhotic even though I have weird experience of life, I think I am esoteric or tantric on a path of life discovery, just getting let down pathologised for everything including how I knew I would recover with taoist philosophies, and my own living philosophies around so called symptoms I ever experienced...mostly I had development to be more aware of the astral plane, this doesn't harm me, mostly my new girlfriend makes it more difficult to be annoyed by unwanted astral guests...seems the antipsychotic isn't working anyway so I may aswell be in my full power to look after myslef on the astral on the lowest possible dose available, as it comes times when I am a victim of being comotose to astral power I would normally have..

I will leave it there for when I see you in person, I hope I get what I need out of your opinion and get it accross to you that I am only in danger of antipsychotic withdrawals and sleep deprivation and nothing else, I keep good check on my mind body and spirit synchronisation...just would like more going for me in life and to be able to use a lower dose if anything.

Sincerely
Razael

it feels like $#%^ being treated in cruel inhuman and degrading way from the service...they ignored my memories and $#%^.....made me feel a bit $#%^ psych attacking my psychiatrist, double edged sword///tied her in a noose, and teased her about puting a rope around her neck like she said trying to make me sound crazy, so what someone dangled a rope accross my neck accordeing to her...but no I was lifted up in a noose....makes me feel like $#%^ how this is portrayed by the service only interesting in things that proove I am schiz...its $#%^....now I am suffering with this $#%^ and they would say I need increase in medication because when it makes me feel like $#%^ its hard to talk about and I get disorganised but they are just cruel to ignore it all.....###$ them can't stand the muther fu3$kers....what should I do...I want my psychiatrist dead...I want to wrap a noose around her neck and give her intrusive thoughts about the $#%^ I have gone through.

Hey Razael,
Take a deep breath. I know there is lots of crap happening, and you have a right to be angry about it, but threatening others isn't going to help your situation. Take a step back for a moment to gather your senses. Sometimes we can become frustrated because we can't get what we want right that moment. Sometimes we need to realize that while we might not be able to get what we want in that moment, we can perhaps start working on things to get what we want in the future. One small, slow step at a time.

Please take care of yourself.
-Cheze2

Honestly, Razael, I don't know if you're hallucinating or suffering real physical abuse.

But you really shouldn't be upset about not being psychotic, anymore. Why don't you take vacations sometimes?
Like, spend an year on antipsychotics, and then 3 months astral projecting, then back on antipsychotics. I think this would be better for your brain health overall, as astral projecting can be too hard on a physical entity.

I think you have a lot to say, and no one is listening. In all honesty I think you need a psych who can respect you, and you deserve all the respect. You are going through a type of agony so vicious few can come close comprehending it which is why you deserve to have someone by your side to listen. I think this doctors have awful perceptive skills. I think they are doing their job wrong making you feel devalued.

Razel, hang in there. None of this is your fault, none of it. Please be safe. Remember, no matter what happens we are here, listening to you.


Id say some colorful things about your psychiatrist, but the mods would zap it. Take care

the trauma was real twisted nerve, although the quacks probalby think i muyst have been dreaming it, or hallucinating how is taht possible???

Thanks riccola means a lot , I would have liked to hear you rant colourfull $#%^ about psychiatrists.

cheze I got payback for ######6 with my psychiatrist they all ganged up on me, was pretty bad then the guy that hung me in the noose showed up, out of jail apparently, he was horrible to my girlfreind don't even wanna talk about it, but he feels really bad about it now,,,,I tried showing him the psychiatrists but the quacks were powerfull last night so didn't want to set them up with any bad $#%^ coz it bred violence against me from them....as usual I slept a little bit ...not smoking marijuana thats what makes me trip and they play on using my power against me, like watching what is happening say with mny girlfriend and can't help her, its really bad,, hope no more rapeists things were going so well with her, things still are but just can't stand all the guys that wanat to rape her, even my mentor from a metnal illness fellowship was trying to rape her, how does he think that effects me, although he is under the impression that this $#%^ isn't real so he does what he wants thinking it caan't hurt, don't know if he be all that conscious of it.

I feel like optamistic that the $#%^ with the psychiatristr might force them to wake up...I have my power back now so dishing it out to them like I am attched to my psychiatrist she keeps visiting and I am ######6 her, not hard...got carried away with it yesterday so maybe I deserved the pay back.

I think its a good sign now that your astral lover c an still be connected with during meditation, mine can, Katy perry could never tolerate it but I tried to make it work with her...so last night things were looking ugly and the stuff I dealing with just too mcuh and all safeguards failed, I have a god up with my girlfreind dealing with unwanted guests because I had a really annoying one one night but last night a giant with a giant penis was raping everyone and pushing trhough them and me on his penis, it was horrible, but finally had to use prayer and mediation just focusing on the breath I didn't give my pwoer away or attach myslef to visions of unwanted guests...the thing is that I made peace with this race of ET's that I made war with and killed some of theri people, it ended horribly for me, I blamed the psychiatrist for at the time I wass on ZEldox or supposed to be and blamed her for ever starting a war with them, I have an iotrogenic condition from the drugs....the antipsychotic makes it possible for me to give up mediation untill rediscovering it last night to dal with the bad trips ....I can't be bother talking about it, not so good with my words today hardly slept last night....herere's what I wrote in schizophrenic forum trying to see if breathwork could help some people from attachmetn and bad stuff feeding off them...I am usually fine in the morning but until then there is no getting sleep with some of the stuff I let ###$ with me...breaks the attachmetn when attentiuon is on the breathing and hostile forces calm down and lets the work of higher beings to take over where my mind would let stuff do things to me. just a problem too sleeping when one is doing breathing excercises, but better and getting rejuevination and finally peace, getting back to buddah, I used to be a buddha once upon a time when not on antipshychotic, I had great awareness of my mind...the astral stuff is just interrelated to mind, like my mind would trigger senarios where I am getting messed with, or my mind would quitely interfere and make like a fantasy where my firends and allys were faalling victim to the stuff trying to mess with me, I hate that....here's whata I wrote about meditation for schizophrenia forum....so9rry I not so good today with my thoughts It is hard to talk aabout it, still not haveing thoughts and deficited by the antipscyhotic.

I don't know if anyone out thedre gets what I get, sometimes when I smoke pot on antipsychotic I get trips where stuff comes to ###$ with me and mess me up and pull my astral body all over the place, I play into it and give them too much power to do what they want with me...until last night I thought I get back into awareness of breath, deep diaphram breathing through the nose and just focus on breathing properly and pretty soon all I was dealing with was the good guys putting me back together.....still it makes it haard to sleep doing this, harder when I am tripping but at least I was getting nourishment and could feel my body coming back together and getting rejuevenated that sleep usually does to get my power back and settle.....sorry I am not clear in using "trips", its getting visitation astrally from giants, stuff I make giants and they use my power against me, and I ###$ up.....I have an astral bride and going up to her place, she is ET, and when I trip stuff follows me up to her place and rape her and stuff, then I got a god to take all unwanted guests, but one guy was a giant with giant penis that would rape everyone, he had to be dealt with so with the prayer and meditation we were able to disarm him , he deserves hell for what he had done, raped him back.

always gotta be carefull with astral stuff not to use violence or tick anyone off, it seems ........sorry I am scattered hardly slept last night...just gottaa be crefull with your actions on the atral plane even though when I trip I automatically either make stuff ###$ with me in my head or ###$ up the good guys taht arae trying to help or making it so they get into danger and the stuff they are trying to help me with gets the upper hand, thats the worse I hate putting divine beings in danger, almost felt like giving up last night until I started meditaation/

One thing tahat started me off was treatmetn of the quacks I am having them tortured so they are angry with me....I got in contact with being from outer space that I made war wtih stupidly and to my demise, and set them onto the staff of the clinicc tahat holds me captive, they don't think they deserve it but the king high up dude from the pllanet has them all tied by their hands to the ceiling and they hate it, he is torturing...I blaaamed the psychiatarists for making so I ever made war with them. its destiny that we get on good terms and they help me out....I am in a rough situation with the quacks, they not respect me, just demanding respect by getting them to have visiation and reachi9ng for karma for ######6 my life up...so where the tripping comes in is getting visitation when I stoned from angry pscyh workers, he dealt with my authorised pscyhiatrist and made her clear her head up and actually read my book taht my girlfreind intially manifested abobut me for the shrinks to understand but they wre mostly in disbelief, my worker did soething to fix it up but still at the same time she was being tortured so she came to me to make it stop, really bossy, I can't ###$ with her when she gets the better of me, I put all my bad visitors onto her because its her fault I would even be picked on like this, the antipscyhotic makes me powerless and everything automaatic.......sorry this is hard to talk aabout, its astral realm stuff.

So my point I wanting to share is that meditation really helps, I think it would help with people whho here nasty voices. efven though the voices might distract you from meditaiton keepi g attention on your deep breathing from the diaphram focus on expanding below the navel and doing this will release any power you give away to them making things $#%^ and they cant hurt you or they might change their tune when you are practicing self mastery...

HOpe this helps someone. might get a suprise from it, I certainly did.

Razael, I want to say that you have the most beautiful soul of anyone I've seen here so far, and cutting you off from her is heartbreaking. It takes your lover and it takes my fire.

Even though I don't see them as angels, and they are behind a glass brick wall for me, I know who you're talking about.