Lost it with Anti-psych philosophies

just gotta let her do what she needs to do and keep her on the right side and not try to fight and explain everything to her she just uses this all against me and is difficult on antipscyhotic so she says it is schizophrenic, so if I never need to do that then its good, a lot changed with the order from MHT so I am in better position....my case manager has been coaching me on how to approach the appointment he has told me she is going to put me onto orals so I just gotta play along It shouldn't be that hard, I know she is a fool no need to put it in her face and express every vast nuance of how she is a peice of garbiage and deluded freak when it comes to her fancy "medicationS" thats not gonna get me anywhere, thats another area I lost it with antipsych philosophies, it got me in trouble I don't recomment getting antipsych with shrinks even if you are just telling the truth, they can't handel the truth and you not gonna get a revolution in one sitting with a quack they are too stubborn and will see all the phildopohies as something schizophrenic, thats the truth but they just disagree with the truth or since its coming from a schizophrenic its not worth listening too, and they probably preoccupied with thinking about symptoms saying I was thoaught disordered and what not, so I gotta play it and realise its useless I know she is a fool I don't need to rub it in her face, just get onto orals and keep her happy and be really carefull.

It will be interesting to withdraw from the injection and try rawuwolfia and see if it really does have potential to replace the antipscyhotic, I have ordered an extract from ebay, they aree running out so I better not spread the word too much, the extract will be good to get a good dose of it and try it for sleeping and see what it does to my thoughts, once I start having thoughts again I will see what it does which will be good, I am hoperfull I can use it to play along well enough that I am still taking medication from the doctors, ha doctors really means something else when you call a pscyhaitrist a doctor but if you are sucking up to them it can't hurt.

does anybody even read this....I will start a new thread once I can start working on getting better and recovered and talk about the situation when I can reflect as a survivor once I work off having any more contact with mental health services, just getting off the antipscyhotic is worthy of starting a new thread....

I feel like I am very boring and write so much about boring stuff.

so I am officially off the injection of 100mg of haloperidole a fortnight to 6.5mg oral a night....but what I do isn't gonna be easy to talk about anywhere, just made a mistake talking about it on facebook....but that might just be paranoia...maybe I could still talk aobut it in here, maybe I will satret a new therad once I start seeing the light, and recover this thread is getting old.

been noticing some nice older birds too, I over estimate the age group I should be going for now I getting to mid 30's I looking at 40+ women thinking that what I should be going for, the schoolgirls are cleaner slate like a blank canvas more so, they haven't been ###$ up yet with emotional burdens and heavy $#%^, actually hardly notice any schoolgirls I think are attractive, nothing is attractive and just to call thema ttractive is sick as ###$ I not even really like that its just something bad to be doing and I blame the antipscyhotic for ######6 with my balancing of karma, the habit is long gone just the antipscyhotic keeps it going and I don't grow past it, somethimes I get a rough t ime growing past things like that jsut growing pains I guess...I can expect to find more purituy in life with waht I gonna do with this 6.5mg of haloperidole....most likely I be compelled to use it and I am, after the appointemtn I feel compelled to randomly consume some mg of haloperidole, I was looking forward to recovering fromt he injection and then using a dose I think is adequate, plus I will test rauwolfia serpentina where the idea from extract reserpine came in about dopamine and schizoprhenic treatments, they owe it to this herb for getting the idea for dopamine blocking drugs for schizoprhenai, I think this owes some investigation, I have always been interested in using herbs, I have a lot and getdting some rawuolfia in the post once the injection is worn off...thats what I can't really see myself being able to talk about on facebook etc, maybe even here its dangerous of getting chaught out, what if someone is onto my threads already and hears me talking about all the $#%^ that going down and know its me,d I think I be pretty distinctive in thw celebrity stuff etc.....not sure what to think of her now she wasn't as nice to me when on antipscyhotic and still made it so I can get visitations , I can expect my visitations to be more peacefull and of higher being guiding me very gently say to give up smoking I am not sure what to expect, I can alway decide later whether I am too m uch a mess or not to take some haloperidole for a while at a very low dose untill things settle down, might be reliant on it for a while my brain has been ###$ up by it I not sure what to expect once I have a mind again its been suppressed for too long.kaboom kinda of thing

Razael wrote:does anybody even read this....

I read it Razael. I don't want to presume I understand what you are going through, but I do read your posts here. Write what you need to write.

xdude wrote:

Razael wrote:does anybody even read this....

I read it Razael. I don't want to presume I understand what you are going through, but I do read your posts here. Write what you need to write.

I read it too.

then how come nobody commented on me getting off injections...its been tommorrow will be 3weeks since I had any....might take the 1.5mg a day for a while untill I am off CTO although the rauwolfia might be effective afterall.....I started a new thread although maybe the experiement better doing it on one thread, hardly anyone looked at my other thread saying no more injections, this is a big deal this time I will recover and not have to go to howpital, just a matter of not showing this recovery to the shrinks or they will know I not taking my medication.

so I am off injections, they expect me to take 6.5mg of oral haloperidole a night, b surely its not hard to know that I will only take such a small portion of it, its killing me....gradually feeling better day by day, $#%^ weed does something to me even the load is lifting

so should I documetn my recovery in this thread or start the new one, I am not sure...maybe weight to start a nwew one once I fully recovered,,,maybe I stay in this thread for now. maybe a better experiement seeing my recovery if its all in one thread, myself when I ###$ on haldol and myself when I get off it and cheat the system thinking I am taking it, everyone gotta think I am taking it that why I didn't even know if I start talking aobut it on here incase I get found out. at least in a new thread the info like the katy perry stuff that makes it so people know who I am because of it...too late I guess I already put my plans down and already gone half a week where I supposed to be taking orals but haven't een feeling better no chance of becomeing psychaoticd, not yet at least, so I gotta be carefull plus my brain has a dapted so who knows whats in store when my mind finally reveals itself, do you get my drift....I hope to bbe able to reflet more on these times drugged out with more clarity once I am off, and still be able to complain to the shrinks taht every problem I have is the antipsychotic even when I won't have a prolem anymore, I gotta play this right and keep requesting a lower dose until I almost taking whata they recommend, just I think its been too long and should happen sooner, I am desperate and really looking forward to my revcovery form this, the astral already let me know some progress has been made i my situation, its not as bad chaos on the astral already, I can look forward to my girlfreind visiting me and having sex and falling in love with her, she loves me....still hurt by the time I ###$ up and she broke things off and kicked me out and had her way with one of the guys wanting to have sex with her and took him to the church in retrospect I think asking permission to teach me a lesson by doing it with another guy, still not perfect anymore she done that, he didn't stay luckily and dI not end up with emily, emily wanted to marry me too, so the break up wasn't a total disaster she still loves me and wantes me up even forgiving me smoking marijuana, she wanted me up the other night I smoked and was tripping, a mate was drinking at my place and talking on the phone to his true freind, this guy is just my dealer really but we are freinds he used me to for a place to crash when his girlfriend kicked him out, I don't like it, my place is too small, he found a place to move but lately he said that he not at that pace anymore he gave it up to live with the girlfriend, they have a baby, she is gorgeous and relaly likes me, it would be good to see her grow up she be ahottie I reckon oneday though I probably should say that she be a charmmer and affectionate if anything like what she is now, hard to tell I guess...anyway this ate ###$ mycomputer display by drucks staggering steeping on my computer and broke the screen so now I am running it through the tv, getting it sent away just a matter of getting external storage for all my stuff on it, they make a money off creating an image of my computer or doing the storage themslefes, so I save money and buy enough storage for the most improtant stuff...anyway thats boring, main thing is I was tripping when my mate was over talking to his mate on the phone, they taling dirty $#%^, he at one point got wound up and flashed his cock and asked me to suck his dick while talking to his mate and his mate was egging him on...preetty $#%^, bad tripps about this particular mate with my girlfreind, wondering if he got to her by invading my space he was playing with himself a lot talking to his mate...just $#%^...don't wanna think about it just drunk $#%^, I hate drinking.

so the weed is gonna go and leave this mate behind even though I wanna see the daughter grow up, she likes me but I had trips where I did stupid $#%^ and tried to rape her, it was really horrible I only want to be good for her, I sore her nappy getting changed and was impressed how light shone out of her private regioun but wondered how some sick ###$ tcould actually try to rpae a baby girl or get turned on by them its really bad, she knows my name and she said "aiow" like saying taht hurss and she reapeated herslef to me saying aiow. like hey ryan, aiow aiow aiow kinda thing so I think she knows about my behaviour in real life...the other day I heared my name bbeing called, my dealser and I have the same name so I didn't know whether it was from over the fence but it was her trying to get my attention she looked cute and then chaged to put on a funny hat and glasses and I laughed at her and she said thats not funny its not funny , sorry baby girl I shouldn't laugh at her in her hat and sunnies, she got lots of growing up to do, she gives me kisses goodby sometimes before I hurt her astrally hugs and stuff she really is a sweatheart...won't go on about it. just like to see her grow up, wonder if she'll remember me???she likes me and knows my name, even though I am drugged up, i met her once when I was refusing treatmetns and it was good ahad good thoughts about her and good energy that I think kids pick up on, she liked me. hurts taht that happened when I automatically try to rape her and transofrms her into an object, she over it now and tried to get my attention and put her sunnies on for me and said its not ffunny so I hurt her again by laughting at her trying to impress me but it wasn't supposed to be funny.

-- Thu Sep 18, 2014 12:03 pm --

I hope she remembers me grown up,,,,anyway that other $#%^ is well into the past, I amf eeling better everyday since my last injection.

rauwolfia works as an antipscyhotic, I was feeling the injection wearing off and my mind coming threough again so I took some rauwolfia and it put me to bed calmed my mind now no mind again but better, I feel excited

-- Thu Sep 18, 2014 6:00 pm --

after the rauwolfia its like I am at full dose again, so it must work as an antipscyhotic, better to test it once the antipscyhotic wears off completely, I am confitdent I can treat myself with rauwolfia

Hey Razael,

Feel free to continue in this thread or a new thread, whichever way you prefer.

As for coming off the injections...

Personally I have only limited experience with psychiatric medications, and little knowledge beyond that, but you are clearly going through a lot of difficulties. So while I'm reading your thread, it would be presumptuous of me to comment on what I know nothing about. Keep writing Razael.

the difficulties are iatrogenic mainly, the stuff with the astral is gonna get better, its already better