Lost it with Anti-psych philosophies

green m+m wrote:

don;t reallyknow how to say it, its like being horny or hungry for something and dont know how to get it...

I feel that way all the time too.

good I guess, it was a passing thing for me I only remember feeling that way....I got explosions of good feelings from my girlfreind, makes me miss who I am, feelings are good hate this life on antipsychotic

Razael wrote:

green m+m wrote:

don;t reallyknow how to say it, its like being horny or hungry for something and dont know how to get it...

I feel that way all the time too.

good I guess, it was a passing thing for me I only remember feeling that way....I got explosions of good feelings from my girlfreind, makes me miss who I am, feelings are good hate this life on antipsychotic

How come they get you on antipsychotics, by the way? Do you do anything harmful when off them?

hard to say, they say I made threats to my father in context of persecutory delusions, but its iatrogenic for me, psychiatry ###$ my family up, can't trust them and hate them sometimes when I not on antipscyhotic....once I was going through withdrawals from zeldox and chronically sleep deprived and ran from my house and ddisturbed some post office workers in the middle of the night they called the police and I so ###$ up didn't know where to go but ran toward the police car and they say I was blocking it, but it coming for me anyway so I don't know, thats the worst of it anyway.

I have a tribunal hearing today, but think they are avoiding bringing up the police incident, apparently just me an my case manager at the hearing, must have scared off the pscyhiatrists or they want me to get off CTO....they make $#%^ up, I got a tough deal to try to explain thata what sympto9ms they got on me are iatrogenic or fudged, like chronic religious delusions of grandeur because I was trying to explain that I had things sorted out and they are restriciting my progress in life, trying to explain what is on offer without antipsyc hotics but experienceing nothing now so they can't say things they say, its a tough one to explain.

had my tribunal hearing and they only extended a CTO for 12weeks and supposed to have the treateming team to listen to my requests for lower dosage and 12weeks to get ready for vbeing a voluntary patient, so good news I guess

I been thinking about now that I see an end to the situation with this 12week order, my stance has changed now I won't be upset and try to explain everything to the psychiatrist, they will only use it against me and no point, I realise this nfow so they probably see an improvement and blame it on my high dose of antipscy hotic, but I can explain that my stance has changed, now I see light at the end of the tunnel and finnaly get my way...because the new metnal health act says that risks should be allowed, and now my treating team has an order to prepare me for voluntary status including putting me on orals and a lower dose, because the tribunal didn't think I ready to go off and take a low dose by myself, so the idea is to try it while I am on CTO, pretty good for me now

So the plan is once I go onto orals I gonna await feeling like myslef again and maybe cut my dose in half and take it for a while or not, as long as I can keep the game up...I am thinking maybe too its safe to take the lowered dose and cut it in half and actually take it, but something is saying to get my feelings back again and not take it at all and play the game and still say I want a lower dose like normal and not give them anything to think I not takeing the meds...not sure what I gonna do....I still have injection tomorrow but it won't e long now till I can get my feelings back again and have a mind and feel some joy and recover from what the antipscyhotic is doing to destroy my life.

any ideas should I just go along with it for 12weeks so nothing too dramatic has changed so they don't know I am going to go off the drugs...not sure what to do, maybe there is a risk if I get found out not taing meds and wind up back on injection and nw CTO...so I play along for a whil...I b better off becaues I willl have a lower dose so be happy with that maybe

might take it sporodically for a while then none at all, or maybe if things don't work out I stay on low dose for time untill my neurogenisis can heal my mind and brain from the damage they have done to makke me chronic....I mentioned open dialogue in the hearing and explained hdow I only need antipsyychotic now becuase it was used for too long unnecessarily, open dialogue gets 85percent recovery only 1/6 people stay on antipscyhotic compared to everyone where they make people chronic...its in the documetnary, I posted the linkk in this thread anti-psych/topic147114.html the community member at the hearing had seen the documetnary...I dunno how I managed to get the deal I got looking back on the questions and my faulty answers, I didn't do a good job so I am lucky...lucky too I must have scared the psychaitrists because there was no psychiatrist in the hearing! thats probalby whta made the difference as my case manager was carefull not to say anything to get me in trouble, he wants me off CTO but he is resigning soon unfortunately so I need a new case manager and thinkk I had a good one to talk to that was understanding about my celbrity phenomnea and laims I didn't get unwelll when this was going on so good there, others would try to treat me as if I had become unwell but this guy was really good with me sharing aobut cray stuff, even said that the astral projection and astral lover experience c an't be classified and didn't think I hafd become unwell but genuiniely interested to har more about it...so no good I have to change case managers, will have nobody to talk to about my crazy stuff except to crickets on facebook, some people appreiate it, but people with metnal health issues try to say she is not real and I am crazy, got a hard time from one freind who thinks I must be sick if I can't stop talkingabout metaphysical stuff to the shrinks, now I dont need to explain and know it goes against my favour for being challenged to try to explain everything to th shrink, I will xplain it to thm but thy hav o insight...I will only xplian that trying to xplain on antipsyfchotic is usd against m becuase it is so difficult, I wanna function better with less antipsychotic and they hav to collaborate with me and do stp0s in th dirction I want....dunno how I managd to pull it off....one thing I explained that I didn't want the board to use this rehabb idea as a fallback for leaving me on CTO because thats what the psychaitrist would say I need to stay iin the CCU to get what I want, but the work I need to do is in my own home , I need lower dose to start doing tsome things to look after it by being on lower dose in the community, so they respected taht I want the change in the community and the new metnal health act law helps that it states the psychiatrist must take risks with me and collaborate....

gotta be carefull because they might get this idea that I become unwell on the lower dose and mae something up about needing more dosage, they can say what they want and people tend to belive them, they haven't helped me with the increases, nothing got better, I got worse so I suppose if they try to say I have become unwell on the lowest dose I just complain about what its like on the higher dose...so I gotta be carefull and maybe take my orals just incase they hav e reason to be challenged by my ability to have a mind and thiings to say,f light of ideas, or I just play the game a bit better and not try to explain anything to them in the first place so they won't see a reason to think I am unwell....I only try to explain to pscyhaitrist not to anyone else so what they use against m in this situation is limitd to pscyhaitrists alone, I could always try to explain that too, she will probably disagree even though I now I am right, stupid bitch.

sorry my posts are so $#%^...still don't know what to do once I am on arals, I want it all to happen now and feel like I do witdrawing from antipscyhotic feeling joy and love, I guess that allure might get me on trac k to go without intirely, but for at least 12weks when Is till have to see pscyhaitrists I will take a divided dose from what they offer take half I think that is fair, just for 12weeks then I go for it, not sure I am worried about becoming unwell, my only porblem is paranoia that I end up inpscyh ward and on a life of CTO, maybe I keep taking a small dose for stabbiltiy, like I said to the reveiw tribunal.

just feel like talking, nobody really pays much atteantion and I get boring and hard to read looking forward to getting better, If eel like a light is at the end of the tunnel and feel more energised and uplifted just don't know what to do with it, just wait until after my next injcection maybe my last ever I hope..so one more injection and should be organised to get a lower dose, I suppose orals to get me ready for voluntary status...the order is that I get some of what I want, maybe not entirely....I wanna be on aobut 2.5mg of haloperidole they will say probablly start at 5and see how I go, not a chance I become unwell or seem unwell becuase I won't useleslly be trying to explain things to the pscyhaitrists and I probably only take half of the 5mg anyway..on equivalent to 10mg as I was in hosptal last time they put my dose up, its a long story why I end up on such a high dose or maybe its not even that high?? It really reacts badly with me and the delicate balance I can expect onc e I get off this $#%^.

did I mention my case manager is resigning? he was really good for my case and only getting things the way I want coz he never thinks I am unwell but is interested in my cray $#%^, he is objective with the information and would like to undertsand it and never thought it was hallucination or anything that could be categorised...so now I thinking about him saying this other female case manager that I know from my time she was the only one I nearly told about my astral lovers at the time it was a secret as it involved a celbrity, not untill she released the album and I was refusing treatemtn that I starred to talk more about it, not that I really experienceing anything on this much antipsychotic, I can't wait to get my sex drive back...so thinking about the astral lovers and time so rich with feelings, I started feeling some of the feeling states I been through in the past and might be good to recconnecet with some of that if I get with this female case manager that I kdnow from a time in my first hospital admission.

I don''t know if anyone is abble to read my boring $#%^ about my life, I guess I talk about everything in this thread, its getting long oops I talk a lot

Maybe I say the same thing again on my facebook....got that horny feeling back again, wanna get horny over writing a facebook update, not that any decent girls are on my facebook, sore a hot schoolgirl in the car playing with her hair, Ilike the way schoolgirls hair is compared to old peoples hair that loses ists vibrancy, there hair is always so good, I like that so I sore her and talked to myself about it out loud, nobody around, wish I could make freinds with a girl like that and fall in love share love, but I don't have any love but something about this good news I feel more vibrant about a hot girl I sore in the car, I see these twins all the time in my neighbourhood they aree good, I like checcking out schoolgirls I still talking about it , a while ago I used to get attention from schoolgirls and they used to check me out but ever since I been on this CTO I never had any girls check me out felt avialable or maybe it was the good unit I was living in in the city that made me more attractive, since I moved hear I been on psychiatry so I loook different now and don't have energy I used to even hang out with 18yearolds but that was lcation too...I wonder if I will recover and get a ttention from schoolgirls again and get a life back, ig iI got no life so I don't get a ttention form a reason, I am a nobody not interesting for schoolgirls or any girl.

I think I am gonna order some rauwolfia extract from ebay, that and similar species rauwolfia vomitora has been found to be effective as an anitpsychotic with no side effects in nigeria was looking for my tab open with abstract to study that showed rauwolfia effective on 10inpatients in nigeria , but cant find it...dunno whether anyone interestedd and don't wanna promote it because it might make it harder to get for me to use once I am on orals to keep stable enough as not to get caught not taking my meds..

-- Sat Aug 30, 2014 3:03 pm --

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1 ... 6/abstract this is juset a link to that nigerian study I was talking about , someone might e able to find the full text I don't know if you search the study other sources come up

as long as I stay happy...I am feeling excited already but there really is no guarantee the psychaitrist is going to heed the order from the reaveiw tribunal, I hope she does and puts me onto orals so I can play with the dosage...maybe I shouldn't even be talking aout it here incase they have found my thread?? I doubt it....I might just say taht I wanna get use out of viable alternative that has no side effects and will be effective to replace a large chunk of the antipsychotic, but the psychaiatrist isn't likelly to think a herb would be usefull even if I explain thats where they got reserpine from and that is studied for treatemtn resistent schizophrenia, so the herb contains reserpine. surely I have a good arguemenet and they can drop my dose way down so I van use the herb, there is no point using it when I already overmedicated its an alternative and because it actaully destroys dopamine receptors It will help with the develooppmet of over abundance of doppamine receptors from my time being drugged up unnecessariy...in open dialogue finland they would have just given me something for sleep and then recover superior go back to the traack to do some athlletics training like I wanted to do when I first wound up again in a psych ward, but instead they made me chronic patient.

Its silly the reasons they started increasing anyway, If I am smart and not try to explain everything to the pscyhaitrist then no problem, just its difficult to explain everything and they use it against me and when upset about it they think I need more medication to dumb me up and make me more controlable, nothing had changed......thats why they think I become unwell on the lower dose stupid ###$, nothing ever changed but once they increased I got ###$ up and spend all day in bed and all my bonzai trees died, and the lieing bitch said my musicianship would improve on higher dose but it just ###$ me more and didn't help just made worse the apparent thought disorder that with no mind fromt he drugs I don't even bother trying to explan myslef and the situation its really dumb situation, the psychaitrist has grandeur delusions thinking she is so clever with this, over medicating me just because I refused treatmetn too is why they invrease my meds and gave me equivalent of the fluepanthixol I was on once in hosptail and bbecause katy perry released dark horse...I can expect things to get better, just because I fascinated with a pop song doesn't mean I am pscychotic, lucky I have good case manager who doesn't agree that I had become unwell with the Katy Perry stuff like the pscyhaitrists thought, it was a secret for such a long time they stilll not understand it, just because I talk aobut something weird to them doesn't mean I am pscyhcotic dumb ###$..

since the increase I get my letters jumblled in words, more typos and I can't be bothered fixing them.something to do with my motor skills, somtimes I hit complately worng letter.

Damn Razael, really feeling bad for you

Hang in there man and keep writing what you need to write here.

p.s. and yea the typos really don't matter at all.

my dealer ran out of weed, was really strange he always has it and I not used to going without, hhe said he had leaf and I said no but then changed my mind, but his girlfriend had been collecting the dust taht accumulates in the blender they use to chop it up and its really good she gave me half a gram of it....I am actually stoned now togetther with feeling a bit better about life now I see an end to the cto coming...feeling better...really high on this dust now smoked a couple of jointsat their place, totally off my head.....

still thinking about using rauwolfia and thinking even ordering some already so I can start using it when I feel myslef coming back again after the last injection, see what effect it has kind of thing...will be better then any antipsychotic maybe not as strong but I know it can work even using on times I trip over the astral visitations and they ###$ me up from what psychaitry has done to me, I found meditation to be the antidote to that state of existance keeping me up at night with forces pulling me all over the place...I talked about it abit earlier haven't had much trouble with it for quite some time but instead getting experiencces but good experiences without weed, I must be adjusting to the antipscyhotic so it can still happen not that I experience much am pretty dead not thinking much about anything, actually not thinking at all the activity just takes placce around me and turnes hostile mainly when smoking weed and fighting it off trying to so anyway not relivant anymore because meditation helped and they not come back for me after I sleep. so the rauwolfia helped where extra haliperidole didn't I tried it once so I could get some sleep but not really helped with 5mg of haloperidole even on the injection I used haldol with trips and it didn't work, It happens in spite of the heavy doses of antipscyhotic and is something that may have meant to happen for it opened me up even to meeting with higher beings and good aswell although I tended to eventually try to destroy or harrass these eings that were on my side, something would get in my head and make me a total ###$ hard to explain. Never thought to metnaion it to psychaitrists until I found meditation of use, still wouldn't probably go around telling them because I forget about it...I guess being this stoned makes me wonder whether the cannabs really has anythng to do wth it, maybe it happen anyway but usually smoke weed and thats how t starts...maybe I owe my meetng my girlfriend to the Kabooms I been drinkng and cannabiis maybe I not sure how I was when I met her can't remember but had some vivid arrivals to save me from earth on weed..hard to know how much better its gonna be once I have my last injection.

gonna smoke some more of the ddust and leaf joint.