Putting it All Together

My mom was an activist who protested WHINSEC/SOA a government training facility for foreign assassins and knew about a lot of stuff. She was a brilliant, beautiful woman. She is now in a constant state of anxiety and delusion, her first symptoms were complaining of head shocking and she screamed "who is shocking my head?" she confided in me that she was forced Electroshock after her suicide attempt/or as I recall at age 8 when she tried to run away and they found her at a bus station. Both of my parents were interrogated by the FBI. I know nothing of the interrogation. My mom could've known about a lot more than she ever told me. She destroyed all her journals, paintings, etc. She went to jail a few months before the summer she went ill. She was doing repeated hand motions etc, and now she has false memories. She told me about elf, she hates the microwave too. I have tinnitus or ringing of the ears. It never stops. Ironically medication is the only thing that helped so that's why I take medications.

I had an episode at a Quaker Boarding School called Olney Friends School in Barnesville Ohio. One student went crazy or psychotic one week before me. I woke up and went crazy, first staring in shock and then completely flipping out as if I wanted to, as if I was driven to it by some internal or external force beyond my knowledge. I had a brief blank or amnesia about the events a night before. I had slept in my friends bed and I heard knocking from the closet, and then my friend told me she was giving me a tylenol and I fell into a deep sleep, waking up in my own bed with a memory of walking around school, screaming, touching myself and being led by two older students who teased and harassed me all the time.

My mother was broken, because she had just come home from teaching peace in Palestine/The Middle East to children. She was trying to save the world, set the standard, bring peace to the Middle East. Why was she so concerned then with the Middle East? Why would she have been targeted? She was held on trial when she was pregnant with me. My dad is now on the board, or runs a non-profit government funded corporation/hospital. My dad also works in EMR or electronic medical health records. He got into computer science wanting to study robotics. He's kind of blind to reality. He denies anything that upsets him. He took LSD in college. He takes care of everyone but is not open to the worst possibilities, he trusts the government too much and thinks all people are inherently good.

His father was drafted during the cold war to work for NASA and I've pieced together other details from people but I know he probably helped develop weapons too. He's smart and he was forced to do it, and my dad doesn't talk about it much but he may have been abusive and my dad's sister disowned the family over something no one knows why. My cousin gave me one possible reason but I'm not so sure, but my dad never said she was diagnosed with anything. My uncle whose dead was a psychology professor, and studied at the same college my mom graduated from Duquesne University. My dad graduated from one school and then studied at Carnegie Mellon. My dad's pretty smart but I think that's what makes him so arrogant about reality....sometimes he forgets things he's said, and he hates if I ever correct or contradict him. Sometimes i felt like he was jealous of me in the past, the way he talks or involves my brother in things but kind of leaves me out, it's hard to describe.

I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia at age 16 the day I told my psychiatrist about the bullying. It was written on a sheet when I left the appointment. My parents acted upset, but I suspect my dad already knew I was going to be diagnosed as a week into my symptoms he had been studying about schizophrenia, and said that I was going to taste and smell things that weren't there. I took it as suggestive and ignored him. I was hospitalized against my will. Doctors often exaggerated my behavior as if I was the worst case they'd ever seen. I'm told I have high insight.

I was also abused in the hospital. I was forced injections etc. etc. and treated very differently from everyone else, even at 17 when I was hospitalized after a family conflict. My parents told me if I didn't take medication they wouldn't teach me to drive, I barely remember this. I became totally rebellious and lashed against the system. I started getting manic after withdrawing from the anti-psychotics. I fear I'll never get off them. I have tinnitus, or constant ringing in my ears. I heard the noise as soon as I moved here. We got the house cheap as the previous owners planned to retire but rushed out since one of them got cancer.

the noise was in my bedroom. I couldn't ignore it. A sharp, distinct low frequency sound that drove me absolutely crazy as I could hear it LOUDLY as if outside and inside my ears. At first I tried to ignore it, I did everything to distract myself from it. Then I began to believe strangely that there was a military base that was projecting these sounds and targeting the house or location.

The sound takes over but it's not as bad as if you've ever tried some of the government created drugs out there.

I believe I may have been slipped some type of drug, or misled into taking it. The flashback was vivid and brief, I was extremely distressed. I'm not sure if that was my manic behavior or not I just find it odd and coincidental that all these situations seem to have a common thread. Control of behavior.
I was conditioned to accept my illness, that I am ill. My dad would say you're sick you're sick. He would scream at me if I didn't take my medication, IDK I guess he really thought i was crazy and feared me going mad.

I would fight tooth and nail against him. I recall one time I explained with enthusiasm that time was not tangible, that it was a perspective. "That sounds delusional and I know it because you haven't been taking your medication." It's like he was looking for cues in my behavior. It's kind of scary because I had been taking it. He immediately conceded that he was wrong. His beliefs are set, but they shift all the time--because he doesn't see the world in absolutes he sees in black and white.

I love my parents but I hate them too. I miss the ones they were a long time ago. I don't know if I can trust my dad sometimes. Sometimes I think he cares, and sometimes I think he doesn't even see who I am for who I am or was. He just sees some kind of doll he can mold or shape or control. He wants me to get a job, and says every morning my first thought should be get a job get a job. He's always guilt tripping me, and it's not enough. He never faults himself. He allowed it because he was too ignorant to see it.

I wonder if anyone reads or sees something Im missing. here I am, writing a fairly persuasive detailed recollection of experienced events, yet I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia for eight years.

bright_star wrote:I wonder if anyone reads or sees something Im missing. here I am, writing a fairly persuasive detailed recollection of experienced events, yet I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia for eight years.

Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you've been through a lot. Are you asking why you were diagnosed with schizophrenia? Have you looked at the diagnostic criteria? Or asked your doctors? They would be the best ones to explain their reasoning to you. Remember though, that a diagnosis is just a subjective opinion of someone into your behavior. Your experiences of what occurred might be completely different.

Activist parents and one of them worked for NASA?

I know this may seem far fetched to you but I have been investigating the subject im about to tell you about for years..... You are being targeted..... "They" want you out of commission and so far looks like they are accomplishing it. You explained why already, most targets are targeted from birth. You are a victim of whats called MK Ultra/ Monarch. That's all I can tell you, time to do your homework. I know this because I may be a victim as well.......

I have done a lot of research on MKUltra too, and know one person who was close to the events in years past. I would strongly temper any accusation that someone has been targeted by the program, or like-program, simply because of the information you read in one post. If you have no way of verifying the information or doing better research, such a statement could be hurtful to someone.

otter wrote:I have done a lot of research on MKUltra too, and know one person who was close to the events in years past. I would strongly temper any accusation that someone has been targeted by the program, or like-program, simply because of the information you read in one post. If you have no way of verifying the information or doing better research, such a statement could be hurtful to someone.

Ok let me rephrase he MAY be victim MAYBE.
Sorry
I know this, I MAY have been and still be a victim of it.....
And no I didn't read "1 post" concerning the subject, I have researching this for years. Targets usually come from military or governmental families, or activists since activists are usually considered a pest to goverments......

P0ci wrote:And no I didn't read "1 post" concerning the subject, I have researching this for years. Targets usually come from military or governmental families, or activists since activists are usually considered a pest to goverments......

I meant reading someone else's one post (above) and feeling they are being being targeted by some program like MKUltra (as the actual program hasn't existed for some time).

Otter wrote: MKUltra (as the actual program hasn't existed for some time).

That's what they want you to believe, it was then renamed Monarch and I can assure you it is still in full effect.