Someone PLEASE help me! I am a total mess. i badly need help

Okay firstly i wanna apologize for a long post. but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do read it and help me figure myself out and what is wrong or right with me. I dont believe in the "mental healthcare system". so you guys are my only hope as of now.
Since my childhood i've always been a restless but obedient kid. never really had any confusion in my mind but now in 22 years old, and i am in a total mess. i've always been pretty moody kid, but since the past 5 years, ive been having drastic mood swings. Like during the winter and early summer i feel very confused and depressed and the rest of the year i feel somewhat normal. that was hard to handle but since the past 6 months my life has taken a very drastic change and as of today i am fed up of feeling the way i do. 6 months back, i had severe depression to a point where i was very suicidal for absolutely no reason at all. i would just randomly start crying and would wanna kill myself. I went to the doctor and explained my entire situation and she diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder. she prescribed me Pregabalin as i told her i didnt want to take any benzo's. I didnt like being on pregabalin and soon discontinued it. I had been self medicating myself with pot and it was the only thing which helped me feel sane. a few months later i was feeling normal but thaats when the huge wave of confusion hit me.
i have a gf of almost 3 years and although i was pretty happy with her, i constantly wanted her to change(i didnt like feeling this way) like i would ask her to look or be like every other girl i see. i started getting restless and threatened to break up if she didnt change. she did her best to change but by the time she did, i would want her to be like someone else. this has been going on till today and its hurting me that a girl who loves me so much has to put up with a person like me.
I keep changing my priorities. NOT because i want to, but because my brain just randomly decides it for me. like one moment i love painting, and then all of a sudden i dont even know it and i am totally disinterested in painting. Same goes with my gf. one minute im telling her i dont care about anything and that i wanna sleep with other people, and out of NOWHERE, i start feeling submissive and literally BEG her to treat me like a slave. and then BAM! again im dominating out of nowhere. i dont even know when the personality shift really happens. i cant do anything but just go with the flow.
also i hate the whole governing system cuz i feel that they control every aspect of human life. and i find it really hard to mingle with people who act like sheep and just follow what they are told to do so blindly. which is why i have only 2 friends. i dont talk much to my parents and usually am locked inside my room day dreaming about living like a hippie or a nomad. and the moment i step out of my room, im all sad and depressed. PLEASE HELP ME!! what is wrong with me? i dont wanna go to a "doctor".

Sorry if i gave too much information. im very uninhibited by nature. i just blurt things out and sometimes cant really stop myself.

ripplemind,

I applaud you for discontinuing your meds, although I think it should have been done in consultation with a professional. But I think you are making a fool's choice by substituting another psychoactive drug for the one that was prescribed. Marijuana is at best a temporary palliative, one that comes with substantial long term effects.

i constantly wanted her to change(i didnt like feeling this way) like i would ask her to look or be like every other girl i see. i started getting restless and threatened to break up if she didnt change. she did her best to change but by the time she did, i would want her to be like someone else. this has been going on till today and its hurting me that a girl who loves me so much has to put up with a person like me.

Arrgh- you would be a difficult bf to have. I've been on the receiving end of some of that, and it can be a relationship killer. You owe this woman!

I know you won't like the advice, but I cannot help but recommend you find a therapist with whom you can work. That, and don't self-medicate. One of the first things you need to do is obtain a diagnosis. You could be BP, which in my experience can be treated but not cured, but certainly nobody can give you a diagnosis based on a post here.

Noone here has any business telling someone to see a therapists or what drug to use or not use. On the other hand, there are no experts or true professionals in the mental health field because it is not a field built off of facts, truths, or professionalism. Anyone can come to the conclusion that you are mentally ill based off of there opinion and that is all they do.

I will say that seeking a therapist or psychologist whom you go to and sit down with for several sessions is much more beneficial than dealing with someone who simply wants to find a reason to admit you to a facility. A person that will have you for several sessions is more likely to try and have a conversation with you or listen to you and at the end of several sessions I think it is likely that the person reassures you that you are fine without any of the drugging and overreaching government crap.

I guess you must be in the UK or some other place with socialized medicine? Here in the US people are more likely to complain that the government doesn't do enough for mental health.

The problem here is that you're asking us to tell you what's wrong but the forum rules forbid us from doing that. You don't want to see a doctor, but only a doctor or a psychologist can diagnose you.

When you do talk to a professional make sure to tell them about your "up" times as well as your "down" times. Both are important for diagnosis and treatment.