Dealing with delusions TW

I'm in a hard space. I can't really talk to my psychiatrist about my delusions, as nothing they do helps. They want to drug me up on antipsychotics that kill the mania, but make me feel depressed, and I stay paranoid and the delusions don't change. They think that's the solution because it makes me seem more manageable. Or maybe it gives them more power because I'll need disability more than I do now? Either way, its a #######5 lose lose situation for me.

They assume that you can't think for yourself if they know you're delusional. You know what, I lied about not being it. I did that because I wanted to be free, and its been way more helpful than telling you that. In fact, I find myself far more helpful.

Either way, it can be difficult at times to deal with paranoid delusions. You wonder if people are plotting against you, if they have it out for you. You sometimes even start thinking that this life is just a punishment for sins of a past life. That you're meant to be tantalus, or something like that. You get the feeling that something bad is going to happen. I know its irrational, and remembering this helps. But then you have fears of what the government will do, and its making it hard to go through the disability appeal. You're afraid they'll take away that freedom,

Then you remember its difficult for you to hold a job, so you try to keep up with your writing. You set a goal for yourself, then you ###$ it up and don't have a computer at home you can readily use for anything money-wise. I can't have roommates, so I have to pay the bills. Nobody wants to deal with someone who is constantly paranoid. I'm about ready to become a wandering nomad until I'm able to support myself with my writing. I feel its my only choice.

I feel like I've hit rock bottom.

I feel ya man, delusions sucks, everything you describe I went throught and still do at times. Thing is a few of my delusions are real to the point of a conspiracy, I don't want to get into it so lets just leave it at that.

But yeah I feel ya, lost all my friends and most of my family and only talk to my parents and a few people now cause the rest are tired of hearing me.

And your so right about the meds, they don't really help at all and in fact they are addicting, not in the sense that they make you feel good and you want to take them. The problem is if you try and get off them, its worst then hell. Im slowly getting off my meds again but this time the right way, decreasing doseage every month so my body wont go through withdrawal hell. Two years ago I just stoped taking them and it was horrible, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat and had a constant agitation in my solar plexus area that was driving me insane, sweating to a point where it was dripping from my armpits, crying every morning in the shower over how horrible I felt.

As for going on disability I also feel ya, I didn't want to sign the papers at first, but my mother convinced me with the excuse of getting a disability check every month, ohh but under the condition that the bank account is in both our names so she can semi control me
I don't mind that, what I do mind and realized that once you go on disability you are officially labeled whatever your diagnosed with to the system for LIFE. I don't care about the money I should have never signed that paper

My advice is don't worry, I hit rock bottom too but you can always get up and go forward, you get paranoid just ignore it and try and be happy. Don't do anything stupid to give them an excuse to institutionalize you and you should be fine. You gotta keep a positive view after the storm passes

Yeah, this is true. It is a storm that will eventually pass. It's like my brain wants to protect me from scary realities it thinks are the case. But I remind myself I must always test these theories or I'll go insane. It has helped to challenge them, but the drugs never helped with them. It's to the point where I can claim I don't get them anymore, but they still do impact me, just in really irritating ways. Like when the delusions I experience aren't all that unrealistic, I only realize sometimes until after looking back that "what made me jump to that conclusion?".

Thank you so much for posting this minotaurus. I think sometimes here on the AP forum, we get so wrapped up into talking about the politics of our beliefs on anti-psych stuff we forget that this is actually a peer support forum.

Sorry that you're struggling with the paranoia and delusions at the moment. I know from personal experience myself that this is not a fun place to be in. Reality checking can be one of the most helpful things. I know for me when I'm feeling that way, having a calm person that I can talk to (that I trust) who doesn't judge my thoughts who can perhaps point out some flaws in my thinking is very helpful. It gets me to at least notice that perhaps what I'm thinking may not be 100% accurate which helps me to recognize that it could be a delusion.

Have you tried any alternative therapies to help with the paranoid delusions? I'm thinking something like massage therapy could help with the anxiety that comes with the paranoia, and for some reason acupuncture comes to mind as possibly being helpful in some way in allowing the body to be able to correct it's thinking.

I have not but I can look into them. I tend to throw logical arguements at my delusions, and it works, but the plausable ones are going to need more skills to fight. I've been reminding myself to ask "What parts of their body language or voice, etc... are making you think that? Is it founded to think that?"

Right now, I've burnt alot of bridges. I'll have to build new ones. The ones I've burnt weren't all that supportive for this anyway. Though they were for a place to go when I got like this, despite the fact that the one doesn't know when to be quiet.

I can try massage therapy. I have a thing with needles though, so no acupuncture for me.

I kind of disagree with the massage therapy thing, its the closest thing to paying for a call girl....

It may make you feel good during the session, but soon after you are back to where you started.

I disagree P0ci. From my experience with Massage therapy, it's effects do last. I often feel more relaxed for a few weeks after receiving a professional massage.

Also, a professional massage is nothing like paying for a call girl. There are standards and ethics involved.

How are things going minotauros? In regards to reminding yourself to ask those types of questions. I was looking on the DBT911 app that I use on my phone and I got a good idea to set a vibrating alarm on my phone that goes off at a specific interval throughout the day. This way it can just vibrate in my pocket and I can feel this as a physical reminder to do something. (For me right now, I'm trying to remind myself to take deep breaths throughout the day)

I've been doing a bit better. I think going down on my intake of caffeine isn't helping my stress, but its needed.

I'm glad things are going a bit better. Cutting down on caffeine is definitely not a fun time.

Cheze2 wrote:I disagree P0ci. From my experience with Massage therapy, it's effects do last. I often feel more relaxed for a few weeks after receiving a professional massage.

Also, a professional massage is nothing like paying for a call girl. There are standards and ethics involved.

How are things going minotauros? In regards to reminding yourself to ask those types of questions. I was looking on the DBT911 app that I use on my phone and I got a good idea to set a vibrating alarm on my phone that goes off at a specific interval throughout the day. This way it can just vibrate in my pocket and I can feel this as a physical reminder to do something. (For me right now, I'm trying to remind myself to take deep breaths throughout the day)

Standards and ethics?

One touches your back to make you feel good and the other touches your genitals? Which imho is a lot better. How is it any different?