I'm going to write like the obsessed....

I'm going to write like the obsessed manic depressive I really am. My bipolar may make me really manic at times and say some really messed up things, but at the end of the day, I'm just being me. It's who I am, who cares? I'm tired of feeling pressured to take drugs and not be myself. And then you wonder why I become so depressed?

You wonder why I don't talk to you, but do you make yourself inviting to talk to? No, you don't. You sit there and judge me because I'm too happy and hyper, and then think I complain too much when you make me depressed by your judgement. When you're not around to judge me, the depression is really mild, and I'm able to cope with it, and enjoy the mania which is happiness.

The increase of dopamine essentially means that mania is the same thing, just that I'm really really happy. I don't need to be like you, I don't want to be like you. Sure... I shouldn't bring money with me when I'm like that, but other than that, the only person it inconveniences, would be those that are too easily annoyed.

If I'm manic, just tell me you need space, just let me know to back off if its bothersome. I'll understand if you communicate. I'm human.

The reason I go into denial, is because I have to deal with people in the system to keep a roof over my head. Do you think that doesn't wear down on me? Seriously, its a selfesteem killer. I pretend like it doesn't bother me, but it does. It's hard to hold a job when people judge you, and it makes your paranoia worse.

Delusions are easy for me to fight off, I use logic and reason to overcome them. You don't think I know I get delusional? What is it but incorrect thinking, induced by the social isolation I'm forced to endure when I'm afraid I'll sabatoge friendships with people who don't understand me? Idk, just some thoughts.

It's funny, nobody thinks I still don't get delusional at times. Only as a child. Nothing currently. Actually, I've been dealing with delusions alot lately, and last year. I just work through my paranoid delusions.

What meds do they give you the control the "dopamine imbalance"

Lets get real, that's a fairy tale and if anything causes a dopamine imbalance is the meds themselves.
Our brains adjust to trauma, when your taking anti psychotic that blocks dopamine the brain in turn creates more dopamine receptors to compensate. That is why you feel like you do if you stop taking meds. The rush of dopamine is so intense your worst then before taking the meds. But like I said the brain adapt, and after a while your brain will get back to normal, sometimes there is permanent brain damage from these drugs, but there is still hope.

minotauros wrote:The increase of dopamine essentially means that mania is the same thing, just that I'm really really happy. I don't need to be like you, I don't want to be like you. Sure... I shouldn't bring money with me when I'm like that, but other than that, the only person it inconveniences, would be those that are too easily annoyed.

I don't know about you, but for me mania is way more than just being really really happy and spending lots of money. I know you talked about delusions. I find that I get these types of thoughts when manic. It can be easy to assume that mania=super happiness, but for me it's more of really scary thoughts and actions while I feel that everything is wonderful which makes me even more inclined to make dangerous decisions.

That doesn't mean that I'm advocating medication either, as I stated in my other post, have you tried alternative therapies for these types of experiences? Razael finds herbal supplements helpful. Perhaps looking into an herbalist/naturopath could be another direction to look into?