I have severe Major Depression [ed: PHQ-9 score of 22]. I have Anheodnia, no emotions, very few
feelings, and avoliton. I have severe anxiety. I can hardly speak. I only
answer questions. I do not engage in social conversations because of my severe
thought poverty and inability to process the emotional content in
conversations. I feel frozen, numb and tortured. I have to work confused,
severe memory probelms, trembling and just really screwed up. My life is a
nightmare every day of my life.
I received the JDtic one afternoon. I was so eager to try it I
divided the jdtic into 2mg dosages and put it into capsules. I tried my first dose
that afternoon. The next day I woke up feeling this really warm, clean, healthy
feeling. I felt completley free of anxiety. I kept having involuntary erections for
no reason. I never have an erection for anything. I started watching the television
and I started to have a warm feeling in my stomach from watching my favorite show. I
started to get all these feelings from my body that I never get. I started to get
cold chills from watching a movie. I started to have hunger pains. I never feel
hungry. I walked outside. The breeze felt so good that day. When I went to work. I
looked at people in the face and spoke to them without feeling frozen with anxiety.
The next day I woke up and took the next dose of Jdtic at 10am. I woke up and had
breakfast. I started to watch television. I couldn't stop laughing. I was in a great
mood. I was laughing, talking to the television. I was talking and joking with my
friends through text messages. I went out for lunch with with my only close friend
left. I kept making her laugh. It was wonderful. I've spent my whole adult life not
being able to touch anyone emotionally. Now I can make people laugh. I started to
see the punch line. I started to become really funny. That day at work. I started to
have these really brief, weak emotions. They were really weak and confusing. But I
was really happy to have them. I started to feel touched by music. I felt driven to
sing along with the music. That day I also caught myself looking at a women's
breast. I started to want to look at her body. I never do that. I usually do not
even notice women anymore. My memory also improved. I usually can't remember any of
the streets. That day I remembered all of them and thought of a plan of the best way to
get there, instead of using a gps.
The next week I planned days out with all my old friends. I wanted to be warm and
try to make them feel loved, and make them laugh. I was trying to make up for being
a cold emotionless person to them. I also went to spend time with my grandfather. My
grandfather is dying. I was too messed to go and see him. I tried my best to be warm
and affectionate to him.
The last few days of the trial. I started to have moments where I felt like my life
had a sense of urgency. I felt like I had to do things. I felt like I had to go home
and read my science books. I'm not sure if I would call it motivation. I just had
these moments where I really wanted to find my vocation in life. I was going to
college for chemical engeneering before I got sick. I just kept having this urgent
feeling that I wanted to finish.
JDTic was very helpful. I still had problems, but I was slowly starting to feel
better. I'm not sure what would happen if I continued to take it. I would love to
find out. I hope that I was helpful. I'm a little tired. I hope I remembered
everything
