How I Cured Myself of Suicidality in Three Hours, No Drugs

First some background on my situation. When I went to college I developed violent mood swings, and depression and suicidality soon followed. This seemed to be a direct outgrowth of significant trauma I experienced as a teenager. I eventually went on Geodon, which immediately apparently fixed all three of my symptoms. However, I soon found that if I tried to do anything creative, eg music or art, I would become suicidal until I ceased the activity. Further, every time I would try to complete work at school, I would become so angry with my work that I would be teething with hatred until I stopped the activity.

Dissatisfied with this, I began to experiment with self-hypnosis. I unknowingly did something VERY uncomfortable with my mind where essentially it seemed as if every bit of suppressed trauma and every unresolved issue was being unsuppressed and coming to the surface. This described precisely what happens with certain people when they begin engaging in a meditation tradition — effectively this seems to be a detoxification of the psyche, as certain diets detoxify the body. [mod edit]

This experience, however, left me with the conviction that the mind is in some sense composed of "energy", and that this energy is localized — ie, it inhabits a certain place. During a trance state I was repeatedly able to sense something enveloping my head and the surrounding area, as well as something dispersed over the body, that felt distinctively like the subjective experience of the mind, complete with emotions. In my experimentation I caused the mood swings, depression and suicidality to "break through the surface" of whatever barrier the Geodon had created, thus confirming for me that this was not strictly a chemical imbalance and that rather it was something "subtle" that expressed itself consciously. With the return of these symptoms I decided that I needed to resolve whatever was causing these problems fundamentally, and so I induced myself into a relaxed state and became aware of this particular portion of sickness in the mind. On observing it I was struck that the sickness, as with the entire mind, is deterministic, and that all of my symptoms were the logical result of the circumstances that had produced them. In my earlier experimentation I had been struck by the impression that the mind is composed of an enormous number of individual "sub-personalities", not personalities per se in the ordinary sense but different personality aspects, each with its own motives and its own needs. Remembering this, I concluded that, deterministically, I was feeling suicidal because a portion of me needed to die because it was too damaged to continue living, and that the mood swings and depression were a further expression of the volatility of this deeply compromised psychological energy. So, I did what seemed obvious to me: Part of me needed to die, and part of me didn't, so I objectified the suicidality and gave it permission to die. Immediately my symptoms ceased, and I felt it leaving me. It was not pleasant.

This was half a year ago. I have had no more problems with these symptoms. I have other problems, ie social anxiety, that were not fixed by this technique, but after taking a hiatus from all this I'm going to start exploring how to resolve my other problems. As massively uncomfortable as it was, I am considering once again effecting a massive psychological detoxification so that I could truly call myself healthy.

There are various techniques developed for the sort of thing I did, though I followed no technique. Indeed, I might recommend following a particular school of meditation and energy work for anything very serious [mod edit]

I'd be happy to discuss this with anyone who is curious about it. I'm not against psychiatry a priori, but my experience speaks overwhelmingly to the mind-body being a single entity that is intricately interconnected and which consists of some sort of energetic field.

This is very interesting. I'm glad to hear that it worked for you! You stated that you did some self-hypnosis, but then later stated that you did not follow anything specific, how were you able to self-hypnotize, or what did you research in order to do this?

thanks for sharing..made me think about my own karmic theory of schizophrenia but putting it more like the exxperience is supposd to be slef detoxing in essence...stuff comes to the surface but its up to us how we use this information for betterment of the self, most likely suppressed stuff is gonna cause problems that we need to learn something to movbe past it...you're lucky to have been able to have spiritual growth while on goedon even though it sounds like that was doing you injustice.

Cheze2 wrote:This is very interesting. I'm glad to hear that it worked for you! You stated that you did some self-hypnosis, but then later stated that you did not follow anything specific, how were you able to self-hypnotize, or what did you research in order to do this?

I began experimenting with binaural beats, and then found that I could consciously alter my brain frequency fairly easily without them, and began relaxing into light hypnosis. During the time when I had seriously altered the mind and was very uncomfortable, I was periodically going into a light trance automatically — it seemed to be a natural process for dealing with trauma.

That does sound interesting. I have experimented with binaural beats before, though definitely not on a regular or consistent basis. I would imagine that this, along with all types of meditation the key is regular consistent practice.

[mod edit]The facts are, everyone is born with a set of fundamental human needs, or what I call our burden of humanity, and to be content is to be able to live according to one's needs. Perhaps the majority of people, are forced to live according to needs unfulfilled, be these needs social, material, spiritual or emotional in character. There is no real cure for that, only oblivion through pharmacological means [mod edit].

This is why suicide prohibition is one of the great evils of our age, because it does not make allowances for the practicalities, and basically ignores the existential, social, emotional and spiritual underpinnings of suicidality, and is less about helping people than it is about controlling people for whom contentment is a distant mirage, whose fundamental human needs are not met and cannot be met in a world where, if there is a god, it as Bergman once said, a spider-god, and we are the flies caught up in its universal web. Ours is a world riddled with disease and prejudice, with emotional, spiritual and material privation, a world populated with victims and victimizers, and where conflict, violence, exclusion, intolerance, injustice and humiliation are some the central facets of human experience, some of the threads from which our existence is woven.

In that first paragraph that should be "the disease model basically ignores the existential, emotional...".