How We Make Ourselves Happy

Thanks, Shawnie. Advice on where to live? I believe you can research that yourself and do better than asking for advice on the internet.

You do pick up on things my bipolar manic genes push me towards. I try to control them, contain them, but fail to more than I like.

Desperate. Hardly. Slightly hopeful and satisfied with replies I have gotten here. Debate? I have and am having discussions with several. Have had a couple say I have been helpful.

"probably pretty offensive to some of them." Did you find that in your "reading and re-reading of every post?" I missed it. Cue me in with the date and time of the reply demonstrating it. Is it possible your "pretty offensive" is demonstrating a bit of the same grandiosity I try to control? Are you really a mind reader who knows repliers' feelings from a few internet replies? I've never been that grandiose.

I look forward with interest to your replies here. Perhaps we can move towards agreements as I have with some who reply here.

I have to analyse everything in order to keep control. Especially my negative emotions. I tend to act out irrationally when I don't keep myself in check. My anger is especially bad. I hate the spinning lack of control I have over my rage. I'm less angry than I used to be, and I think I owe a lot of it to analyzing my anger on the spot instead of blowing up. I can't allow myself to just feel. My feelings are the main problem. Most of the time I wish I could just avoid them altogether.

Being in the moment just keeps me upset. I always have to take a step back and examine exactly how I feel before I react. My immediate reaction is usually not the best choice. When I feel hurt, my first reaction is to cut or try to hurt the person back, and since I try to keep from that I retreat into my head. I can be horrible to people otherwise. I have actually made my father (a very proud man) cry on multiple occasions just out of spite. Men in my family don't cry. I don't remember what all I said, but I do recall being quite pleased with myself.

I recognize at this point that happiness isn't a quest, though it's taken time to figure that out. I'm not sure what happiness really is. I don't feel like $#%^, and to me that's "happy". I don't know how other people experience it. I do smile (though I'm not just a smiley person. I need a reason.) I don't think I could ever smile at a failure to do anything. Any form of failure is unacceptable.

Oh, Pinkerbelle!! You are so hard on yourself, and I wish you weren't, wish you didn't feel you have to be to keep anger in check. I could be angry at you, but I choose not to be. Your post put me in a quandary. Should I complete this reply to you, or should I write a regular reply to all readers? I woke enthusiastic and happy about an idea for a long series of regular replies sticking to this kind of topic: examining the profession of psychiatry, their training, what they do, and the process they go thru in labeling people with mental illnesses such as your and my BPD. Then doing the same with a very similar profession: bartender. Then another: a personnel person in charge of hiring and firing. And lastly, ordinary people and how we size up and label people.

Instead of getting angry, I'm smiling, appreciating the latest reply you have written, leaning back, breathing, and letting the dilemma I PUT MYSELF IN percolate with no analysis etc. until a decision emerges. I am sure you know the why of the phrase entirely in capital letters. Yes, I do feel sure. I know you that well, and feel sure that you know me that well also. Now, percolation time, and another dilemma: another coffee or a cup of orange juice...

Much later and I have a draft of a regular reply as I described above, starting with psychiatric professionals. Please don't feel rejected that I put the regular reply first, before finishing this to you. Slightly unsure. Did you feel a very slight hint of feeling rejected reading the first sentence of this paragraph?

But to continue: I hope, perhaps vainly, that the regular reply and its followers will be of benefit to some few of those who read it. The majority of readers, I'm quite sure, are diagnosed as mentally ill by some psychiatric professional. I'm writing for me, you, them hoping my thinking might benefit all of us. That's another way of saying, Pinkerbelle, please read my regular reply to my reply of 7/19 at 6:07pm.

Just re-read your last, Pinkerbelle. Then re-read the above. My conscious, deliberate choice is to write no more and post this. "Conscious, deliberate choice." Both you and I are very familiar with doing that. It is the opposite of "spontaneous" which advertisers and many others in this country strongly urge everyone to be. It increases sales...

Continuing this 88 year old bipolar manic male's reply of 7/19 at 6:07pm"

My hope is different this morning than it was yesterday morning or when I posted the reply above. Rapid changing of mind, not sticking to a single track, is characteristic of people with my diagnosis. My hope now is that I will stick with what follows. As an intro I will state my belief that most of us labeled as patients don't understand the process by which we become labeled. Much of the time it happens in 45-50 minutes. We walk in the door of a psychiatric professional's office as an ordinary person with some problems, some feelings that bother us. We walk out less than an hour later and have been given a new identity of mentally ill patient carrying a label of 3 or more words.

We can choose to accept this and the treatment offered, or refuse it. Some are given no choice---they are forced, often with considerable physical force being exerted, to accept treatments they do not want. Accepting the identity of mental patient, for instance "I am a bipolar manic" is a matter of internal choice. I do not accept internally what I just wrote. I wrote it as a qualification for posting in Psych Forums. I am quoting accurately what a psychiatric professional wrote as my diagnosis in Sept. or Oct. 1980. I emphatically am not that!!

The differences between being a "mentally ill patient" and "an ordinary person with problems and feelings that are bothersome" is massive. Psychiatrists and this forum support the idea that psychiatrists should have this power to change the public identity of anyone who walks thru their door. A psychiatrist's diagnosis is a public record. It can be called in as evidence in a court of law.

No one has the power, unless the person involved gives it to them, to force someone to internally identify themselves as mentally ill. Many in Psych Forums have given psychiatric professionals power over how they identify themselves. Some, many, in Anti-Psych emphatically refuse to identify themselves with a 3 or more word label written and spoken by a psychiatric professional. I am one, I am a person, not a mentally ill patient!!!

My next reply will look at the training of psychiatrists and at the process they and a person go through to change a person with some problems into a mentally ill patient. The process is called diagnosis. The label on the person within 1 hour is called his/her diagnosis. It's like an abbreviation, a ridiculously short summary of the very complex interaction of less than an hour in a psych professional's office. A recording of the hour is far more informative. Some psychiatrists not only sound record patient's interviews, but I'm sure many video recordings are stored since that technology is available. The reason for recording and storing is primarily for legal defense should the professional be sued for malpractice. I believe psychiatrists are sued .more than any other medical specialty

I find spontaneity upsetting. I like schedules. I write lists. My impulses are often negative. Keeping control and composure is very important to me.

Rusty9 wrote:Continuing this 88 year old bipolar manic male's reply of 7/19 at 6:07pm"

My hope is different this morning than it was yesterday morning or when I posted the reply above. Rapid changing of mind, not sticking to a single track, is characteristic of people with my diagnosis. My hope now is that I will stick with what follows. As an intro I will state my belief that most of us labeled as patients don't understand the process by which we become labeled. Much of the time it happens in 45-50 minutes. We walk in the door of a psychiatric professional's office as an ordinary person with some problems, some feelings that bother us. We walk out less than an hour later and have been given a new identity of mentally ill patient carrying a label of 3 or more words.

We can choose to accept this and the treatment offered, or refuse it. Some are given no choice---they are forced, often with considerable physical force being exerted, to accept treatments they do not want. Accepting the identity of mental patient, for instance "I am a bipolar manic" is a matter of internal choice. I do not accept internally what I just wrote. I wrote it as a qualification for posting in Psych Forums. I am quoting accurately what a psychiatric professional wrote as my diagnosis in Sept. or Oct. 1980. I emphatically am not that!!

The differences between being a "mentally ill patient" and "an ordinary person with problems and feelings that are bothersome" is massive. Psychiatrists and this forum support the idea that psychiatrists should have this power. A patient's privacy is emphasized. But in New Mexico, perhaps the whole USA, a patient''s record can be called in as evidence in a court of law.

No one has the power, unless the person involved gives it to them, to force someone to internally identify themselves as mentally ill. Many in Psych Forums have given psychiatric professionals power over how they identify themselves. Some, many, in Anti-Psych emphatically refuse to identify themselves with a 3 or more word label written and spoken by a psychiatric professional. I am one, I am a person, not a mentally ill patient!!!

My next reply will look at the training of psychiatrists and at the process they and a person go through to change a person with some problems into a mentally ill patient. The process is called diagnosis. The label on the person within 1 hour is called his/her diagnosis. It's like an abbreviation, a ridiculously short summary of the very complex interaction of less than an hour in a psych professional's office. A recording of the hour is far more informative. Some psychiatrists not only sound record patient's interviews, but I'm sure many video recordings are stored since that technology is available. The reason for recording and storing is primarily for legal defense should the professional be sued for malpractice. I believe psychiatrists are sued .more than any other medical specialty

Continuing this 88 year old bipolar manic's reply of 7/20 at 10:58pm:

On how in less than an hour we are changed from an ordinary person with problems into a patient with a psychiatric illness. The psychiatrist who does this and has the power to do it has a lot of training: 4 years of med school comes first. Anyone with a medical degree can start practicing psychiatry in the USA. But many, perhaps most calling themselves psychiatrists take 2-3 years of training and classwork after becoming a M.D. Then they can go on to a 2-3 year residency in a psychiatric facility to become a fully trained psychiatrist

There are certification boards and on most psychiatrists' walls we see their M.D. and usually many more certificates stating that one or more boards of psychiatrists have certified that this particular one is competent. Many, perhaps most of us find this reassuring. Some don't. All shouldn't.

Psychiatrists, as is true of any profession, vary greatly in their skill, even in the approach they take to treating patients.

What we all should have done in choosing a psychiatrist is ask anyone we know and to some extent trust whether they have seen a psychiatrist. Then ask for their impression of him/her as a person and as a professional. My thought of the moment is that the description of him/her as a person is far more important than the description as a professional.

If we cannot get a friend's opinion, the next thing is to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist. Then interview him/her to find out if we can accept them as our psychiatrist. Any professional refusing to answer your questions in this interview should be automatically disqualified. Their reaction to your interviewing them rather than vice versa which is what they expect is very informative. I'm not sure it was a psychiatrist, but once when I did this, the M.D I was interviewing laughed and said, "You're finding out whether you want to hire me, aren't you?" The laugh and his willingness to continue answering any question I asked meant I did hire him.

A first rule in the process of becoming patient: Never forget that you are the employer with a right to hire and fire. In this country, that right can be taken away from you. My understanding is that in England it is considerably harder to take that right away. English law is much better than USA laws in this respect.

Next time we look at the process of a psychiatrist interviewing a prospective patient. Very seldom does the interview end with the psychiatrist saying, "Go your merry way, you don't need any treatment?" We know that happened with none of us posting replies in Psych Forums. If there are any, please, please, let us hear. Write at least a brief note in this topic.

The basic reason for always diagnosing is quite simple. Self interest. The more patients, the more money the psychiatrist makes. Having a waiting list offers even greater security. It insures a continuing income should many patients discontinue treatment, as most here in anti-psych have done.

xoPinkerbelleox wrote:I find spontaneity upsetting. I like schedules. I write lists. My impulses are often negative. Keeping control and composure is very important to me.

Control, composure... Have you tried the breathing practices or exercises I suggested, Pinkerbelle? That's what they're for. It is one of the major effects I get from doing them as much as I can, as continuously as possible, trying to be aware of every single breath. Some people feel those effects very rapidly. You might, or might not. When I stop doing them, the effect tends to go away. As expected, since everything changes, nothing is permanent. Especially when it comes to people.

I hope you try them, I hope they work to increase your control, composure, perhaps even reduce your anger. Let me know if you are or are going to try them. I'll be here. I am interested. I'll reply, especially answer your questions. I hope you answer mine.

Rusty9 wrote:"You're finding out whether you want to hire me, aren't you?" The laugh and his willingness to continue answering any question I asked meant I did hire him.

Hi Rusty9, I liked that story.

I guess, again, your whole post illustrates another another difference between America and England. Psychiatrists working for the National Health Service here have nothing to gain financially by diagnosing people (nor do they financially gain by prescribing). That may be another reason I am not enamoured of the line that psychiatry is a fraud (I know you don't think it's a fraud).

charter: as I wrote, both the private, for profit medical model for mental illness exists in the USA and the publicly financed, similar to your National Health Service. We also have mental health facilities financed by charities, foundations, etc.

I think you also have private for profit psychiatrists, etc., don't you? Or, does England have laws forbidding that?

Canada's national health service allows private practice for profit, the last I knew. A big propaganda pitch for private for profit medicine in this country is that some Canadians do come to this country for treatment. Whether any come for psychiatric treatment, I don't know. The USA does have very good medical specialists and specialized facilities that most other nations cannot afford.

One last questtion: Can specialists working for the National Health Service own stock in drug companies? Is that conflict of interest allowed? I find it hard to think of a way a law against it could be enforced.