I'm still a free man-Razael's Thread

thanks cheze was going really well and the psychiatrist was good and I was fluent in communication, she was considering putting my dose down[the community treatment clinic was gonna put my dose up! so I am lucky with this admission from that too] plus she was gonna organise thata I don;t need to deal with the clinic and just get my injection from a GP and get visitors every couple of weeks instead, which could open up to other stuff...but best bit was being able to get a reference done.. oh yeah b ut it got ###$ up because my case manager came in and was agitated with her, even thought its a demonstration that they are no good for me and was fine with the next appointment, the case manager managed to change her mind about reducing the medication and still have to deal with the clinic really, but maybe not for long.

it highlights how $#%^ the clinic is, I rather not deal with them but I have to go in on monday or they will send me back to hospital. still wonder if I should maintain refusal of treamment and see where it goes, it worked out so well for me and opportunity and inspiration in that period without the affect of the drugs, yet they said next time they won;t wait for so long, they don;t want me to experience the true nature and on good spiriutal path of wisdom and insight.

did I say I met consumer consultant who is gonna point me in the right direction to work as a peer? thats what the mental health industry really needs more peers, or even people with drug free recoveries to help first episodes to make sense out of everything and chill out.

can't remmeber what else I was gonna say.

pretty embarrasing I had the cops aand ambulence out front of my house and people watching when I got dragged out in handcuffs yelled out "the quacks are after me" so they know I am actually sane..I live accross from shops and sore my local deli guy , thinking of going to get a can of coke.

thy would probbaly like to make me think I was unwell ###$ em.

You would be a great peer.

That must have definitely been embarrassing having the cops come to pick you up. I had something similar happen when I walked out of my therapist appointment once. I ended up having every cop in town surround me as I was pulling into my driveway and take me to the ER. Thankfully I don't think the neighbors know it was me, as occasionally I'll hear them say something about this one time that tons of cops came and picked "someone" up.

I proved I was well, they mightn't have believed that I cleared the effect of the antipsychotic in the time I had off it, they ignored the alternatives and didnt want to change the diagnosis, how annoying they are so stubborn.

I think they wanted to think the injection was still effective when I was thinking I got over it quickly.

this is so boring

although good to see the NIMH is waking up to the APA in rejecting the DSM and proposing its own diagnostic tool. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sid ... port-dsm-5 think thats the good link.

have to see my case manager today or they send me back to hospital, she makes me feel like $#%^ they are supposed to be changing my manager for the sake of my mental heaalth and progressing treatments toward higher and higher doses, nothing I say makes sense to her and she used to pull this face but gave such a hard time psychically that she doesn't do it anymore, she looks raggard and tired and sick so she should be, she is sick making out that I have symptoms of mental disorder by being agitated by her and the clinic.

thinking about what I want to say to them about the goal of treatment etc, and for them to pass on my messages to the authority....when I am so good off the treatments, mayb eeven here someone thinks i get crazy and clear when off the drugs, less care for their restrictions over my mental state in thought disorder etc, wasn't happening when tapered off the drugs...

don;t know why I post here now since I am not free anymore, but treatment might get transferred to GP on my treatment plan [new]

wanted to go back to the thing that schizophrenia is like a projection or telepathic to soemthing else, I get it in waves when I have psychic thing with treatment providors. It really seems to be some psychic attack! buts thats all I caan speak for ever feeling schizophrenic, just in those brief moments around the treating teams projections.nn actually worse under the influence of antipsychotics for psychic self defence

only just sore you write this

Cheze2 wrote:You would be a great peer.

That must have definitely been embarrassing having the cops come to pick you up. I had something similar happen when I walked out of my therapist appointment once. I ended up having every cop in town surround me as I was pulling into my driveway and take me to the ER. Thankfully I don't think the neighbors know it was me, as occasionally I'll hear them say something about this one time that tons of cops came and picked "someone" up.

I think I would be more valuable without antipsychotics and using self-affirmations and positive lifestyle and excercise? at least I couldnt be too much with a dogma or anything...hard to tell I will get inspired when off antipsychotics and living my life to full-potential and sensitivities to interpersonal relationships....I only ever worked when off antipsychotics.

Yeah its a terrible thing being hunted down, but I dealt with it pretty good I think yet goes down to biased memory trying to see me as a schizophrenic....I have memories to other episodes and stuff but its more amusement or interesting.

quacks are willfully ignorant, they don't wanna see that I recovered on a number of grounds during med withdrawal....thing is I got angry at the interview when a week into being overdue and the guy likes to claim that I was really sick at that time, but only around psychiatry, I didn't want to talk to them.

So its complicated coz the doctor I am dealing with doesn't see that I am right about the effects of the medications, they were wrong to say its part of the illness....my mind has deteriorated accordingly since times off the drugs...but they don't see it.

you'd think it would be important to know my mental state in the hospital when the doctors managed to not be triggering of agitation by referring to me as schizophrenic, like in the clinic the guy is set on convincing me that I have schizophrenia because he says I am disorganised and I say I have got it together when off the drugs and he remembers me being soooo unwell when coming off the drugs even though I say I recovered even further down the track..now I am back to mess and communication deficits in my writing too, not so cclear and more likely to be incoherant....its $#%^

what I ttying to say is the quacks are ignorant they don't wanna see that the drugs are causing me problems and it isn't just the illness, yet they are too dumb...thats about it they are as dumb as ###$ and I know it

Just gotta figure out how to get through this CTO by playing it, maybe give them a chance to talk and educate me without getting noticably cranky with the stupidity of it, like everything they say is stupid and since they are authority of course I gonna get wound up, they are dumb phucks

-- Fri May 31, 2013 8:22 pm --

I talk a lot to them because I see so many areas they need to be educatted about my reality and how I associate with the apparent symptoms of the past with psychosis, stuff with spirits and transcendence.....thing is they say I am psychotic based on my feelings toward their industry of psychiatry, I make my opinion known and they just say its disorganised or I talk around in circles...I think some of it is actually regestering when they neglect what I say as they disagree...or agree to disagree #######4 line ###$ I hate agree to disagree line!...what a crock of shyt truly they can;t come up with anything other then what they are comfortable talking about or instant responses to patients who start questioning the validity of this "medicine"

more a threat to their egos, their delusions of practicing something that is helpfull to people...willfull ignorance to my personal situation....so I am a threat to them so they like to make this out to ba a part of the illness, symptoms, and I am apparently so disorganised to consider me schizophrenic definately, without a doubt , thats all they keep saying to me its getting boring and really frustrating...they can;t even answer me when I ask them so what is that then, what does that mean? and he cant answer...or I ask what justifises holding me on a CTO and they got nothing...no question I asked is more like they expect me to know already so why challenge them to start giving me some reasoning and reality but they got nothing, I make it plain and simple and it challenges them and they get defensive by degrading everything out to mean a symptom or just say they disagree. disagree with what , they weren't even listening, just proving I am schizophrenic based on bias, and they say maybe it seems like bias from your perspective like I am deluded to think its bias in action, degrading me as if I not going to elivate my mood to stand up for myslef....

i am more in the mood for degrading psychiatry workers in my mind, the ones who want to think I have schizophrenia and project using their minds a false reality over my existance, I can still see it coz I have my own most of the time...so fighting off those workers of mental health industry willing on people to fit into categories or kind of try to remind themselves by remiding me that I am sick, and in the past I have felt this sickness from them but I foght it off in waves of their attack....I know it probably sounds clic he schizophrenic but I know what I know about certain telepathic things and the relations with telepathy with the workers always take on tell tale signs of disfunction from their virtual presence in these times...I am degrading them and using my strength and some memories I fortunate to have of having a shamanic voyage to purgatory, I was like a god in pergatory and heaven, even though I am mortal or born from an obscure origin perhaps for ascension...lol...yeah the truth sounds like delusions, but I know myself very well and wish to learn more...I have realised recently that hate breeds dysfunctional times, in daydream about hate and resentment and stress these images and intrusive kinda, its all about hate, but if I made it about love everything would be sweet...the resentments in the past or imagining people I "hated" then its gonna be like kicking a sleeping dog to go there and want a kind of revenge, these are messages of things I need to learn to get over karmaically speeking, by retaliating breeds bad karma and mental illness...... hope that made sense