I'm still a free man-Razael's Thread

maybe I shouldn''t have been so open about this..don't care what anybody thinks just it might put us at risk. dunno...so far so good....

maybe just embarrassment if anything.

remembered my old place was really good girls would come around and this girl from the TV saying we could meet if we really wanted to and the neighhbour lookalike was inense I think it was her and yeah something weird opened up but I took it on really well..ever since I did immortal breathiing excercise or microcosmic orbit which opened my third ey and brain, I guess a kind of alchemy and opening up to new horizons so ever since then did I really have these trips that visitors would come I sore a buddah like in the same shape as me when going out for a smoke and awoken to world of immortals.....not even sure what happened since doesn't matter but I remember being blissed out even from the preperation with focus on breathing foundation to doing the process takes a while I had a good book that taught the foundations with diaphram breahting and some sex organ stuff that increased vitality of the sex organs but I not into that anymore but been trying to remember the correct breathing, got my breath rate down to 3and a half breaths per minute in hospital but not as bored as was in hosptial so I not practce as much as I should...




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reallly shoudn't have metnioned the name and put the lyrics up and $#%^....had another heavy night was worried about certain peop\le finding out about it...won't go into it but I am glad I stick with my extradimentional being guides almost like I had to make a choice but this celebrity is bad sometimes and tries to steal my heart or things from my and the extradimentional beings put my back together....john mayer came too apparently he found this???sorry dude must be rough so cant blame him for trying some $#%^ on me but I wanna make sure he's ok...

so this thing must be drawing to an end of some discription with the extradimentional beings, as I said its like I had to make a choice and my guide went back home but could still see me, I was wanting him to come with me like a bad astral pulling him and $#%^...eventually he said he wants to protect me and stayed so I am gratefull for that.....

so another heavy night with the trips, hope she not worse for ware sometimes its hard not to make a mess of her, I wonder why? but things alright and settled down after my guide sat on me to get some sleep and had a good sleep thanks.

please forgive me for putting the lyrics up and $#%^ like that, I am embarrassed now.
john thought it wass a laugh that she would choose me, since I been made a mess of from antipsychotics in the years since me and this celbrity met, I don;t look as good now, its changed my looks...another reason to be anitpsychiatry when this $#%^ really does make a mess of relationships and love life, I used to be hot and in good nick a bit skinny but a good body and $#%^, now I am ugly and fatter.....

hope this doesn't ruin her reputation...I got trips of people that hate her coming into it and $#%^ like that its no good, I don't like seeing her in danger even though she seems to be in danger with me when I tripping as I trip and make a mess of things, but some places my trips work themselves out and I can control my body like in heaven something makes sure I don't make a mess of things.

really love my extradimentional being guides...last night had it all can't even begin to describe it, lots of danger that I feel responsible for and curious ones that I dont want peaking in...thats why I made a mess of things by saying who the celbrity was on this...amost felt like asking cheze to take this thread down, it might be bad for her reputation or they just think I am crazy, the latter is better I rather be seen as crazy then anything.

-- Sun Dec 15, 2013 12:51 pm --

at least some positive news that I am treatment resistant, thought about having some of the haliperidole they gave me when I left hospital to sleep but last time I did that it made no difference I still see her no matter what...aren't I lucky I can still trip about this when I been through psychiatry before and it proved to destroy all that and this....

should I ask to have this thread magically guarded to prevent any bad reactions to this, I hate thinking about my trips tripping people out if something weird happens because I wrote about it or tempt people to hurt me or us, they do anyway I find unless thats just my trip drawing all the eliments that want to tear us apart...one visitor she was gonna leave me forever with was a girl, but the girl really good and understood that I have taken her up to heaven and we reside in places there and decided to eave her with me....so lots of good oportunity to get rid of her last night with extradimentional guides that couldn't seem to work along side her, but I thank her for keeping me alive throughout treamtnets she did most of the good work evben though she gets bad in my trips and gets stolen or tries to steal my heart and $#%^, glad the extradimetnional beings are the way they are....

maybe I like choose your battles too much, gonna listen to it on repeat while I drink some coffee

case manager and injection tomorrow so hope I not have another heavy night, just I should focus on ET''s better then bad trips with a celbrity, hope she still likes me coz its easy for me to trip too much and drive her away even though I only tripping because of her...some magic peopple and her new album has opened up to some attacks but hope they aer settled now...maybe I dealing with it co I am responsible for some of it.....hard to explain.

two things, now I can't remember but I gonna tell you something....sometimes its like I getting into a situation or its an old desire to manifest and wake up in new place, last night we did it and I supposed to wake up sleeping in an airoplane next to her but anxieties and imagining bad trips with her made it sound like a bad idea or might be dangerous, still trying to let it happen if she can visit, forgot about the park incident, but I feel reallly crumby coz I can't have a vivid trip over this if she could come into material, then again wouldn't want her over at my place, I am ashamed I really slide in living skills...oh thats right I gonna say last night she tried to get me to stop smoking and brush my teeth and everything and bossing me around to get myself together...I not ready to meet her physically, I feel really stufpid and like I got this dumb look on my face when I tripping..got the better of me last night and even got twisted up and had to realign my spine a bit at least the physicla posture is an indication of the mind and works in synchronicity, so the posture will be good when the mind is good and likewise if the [posture is forced to be straight and correct breathing the mind will be good, I should learn more, I used to be really good at coming off trips...gonna say something else in there aswell...hell I think I might have found a scope for the thought disorder, when subtle topics and vulnerability of communicator to a psychiatrist, it gets confused they aren't appreciating what I have to say...now that idea I had in the middle is purple lol can you see it? ha nah....how deep could these trips go...maybe I just have a dream I on a plane with her if I went to bed and back home again, then again I wouldn't mind getting out of this situation so why am I so chicken $#%^...oh yeah it was a bad idea coz of anxieties thought it would be dangerous or she might harm me even dunno I guess that is fear...some parts of the night I was shaking in fear at least thats how it seemed even though I not feel fear, or that is the haliperidole making me shake like my legs tremor and $#%^ when tripping in bed......as I say I wouldn't want it like that the whole time, I hope things are more peacefull on the astral in coming days and only peacefull trips...not gonna worry about what people think of this and bad feelings about revelaing the artist concerned and people getting onto it, bad trip at least oened us up to bad trips or my trips were trouble to try to make a good resolution to the situation....don't wanna make a mess over a song that tripped me out, thats all this is about, same could be said for peopple thinking ET was about them, I know I felt like an ET and people who try to mock me from home country town would say that song is about me without hearing what its about and what that really means, so maybe I am just asking for trouble trying to communicate with a celbrity or that dream of dating her once, I wrote it on my facebook that I wanted to date her then deleted it, wrote an email crazy to NOVA FM abnout her and that might have been when the trip really started with her, like she picked up on my action to do with admiring her...not sure exactly but wasn't ready to wake up on a plane next to her this time, am chicken. or oh yeah I just gonna have a dream about her, maybe I think like that next time and never know might get off a CTO or she know what to do with me, but I don't feel ready like I need to get off antipsychotics to be my real self and my full potential and receptability to whatever being together would offer us....

my facebook isnt loading my internet providor might have a fault that one speed reception isn't working and only works on the highest speed reception but facebook doesnt load it. but this still does it goes into higheer speed setting when it tries to access the web, just facebook wont load..maybe I try closing the browser as got youtube vidio's loaded or at least they used to repeat without the internet connected they don;t so much anymore get error messages and $#%^. mainly Kty perryVEVO...is that normal that can repeat youtube vidios even when it sayst they are loading without the internet connected...commeted that I found a darkhorse vidio that repeats fully loaded and didn't complain to KP about that when my darkhorse vidio was removed for copywrite and that repeated fully loaded so kknew it wasn't using any internet data.but then her vevbo vidios would load and say they were loading without the internet connected so sweet....not sure if that means she checked my facebook maybe only lately have I been more open about it, but really regretted doing that last night.

Copy_Cat wrote:Im reading this. I'm having a hard time right now cause the girl I pal around with is in like this catastrophic crisis mode... again . My laptop was on the floor and I said watch out don't step on that and she turns around and gives me this horrible dirty look that's common when she is like that and I said go F off looking at me like that after walking on eggshell all night and now made it worse. Its that blame a RE action as a plain old action. I have been b^tched at for like 10 different things tonite for no reason ! What did i do ? My dark colored laptop was on a dark carpet in a dimly lit room and said watch out, so what ?

did she see the laptop copycat...this a real girlfriend though better then me. hope you're feeling better girls are funny sometimes.

should I stay with the god at the topp? when talking about what going on...maybe I need some time off..maybe not...at least thats the kind of attitude I had to it last night for her own safety, or maybe we needed to evolve in some area's like what been lacking all this time and dealing with subtle lands.

gonna stick with higher dimetnional beings that are actually giants in comparison to us in physical reality, some of the stuff I met would blow the proportions of conceivability of what actually exists in the known universe.

got facebook neurosis last night about not leaving my facebook alone as I think I was protected then wrote some more stuff and added an old school mate as a freind then I see them trying to get me to come down from heaven...that town needs to be sorted out....didn't expplain it too well but invcreadibly restricted by people on facebook trying to get me to come down, wrecking everything and increadibly boring people that deserve very little, was gonna drag her to purgatory but changed to traumatising her into heaven a little way and chained up, she met some others that helped sort her out...so not so much problem after sorting out that $#%^ for brains...they would gossip too and it would find its way to my parents if I let them get away...then I started to try to trip my facebook updates thaata got me in trouble, and someone came to me asking how to stop the trip, so dunno, tried to help that one out but it might have been the same $#%^ trying to get me to come down from heaven, family would do that too if i not carefull, hardly got any freinds, actually none are my freinds, I feel better about being open here then on facenbook for sure.

not so much with the celbrity anymore feel weird about it, or maybe she still there just I went onto extrandimentional beings and wrote about them on facebook and how they help me create sacred headspace which is really good for sleeping and getting over trips...

told my case manager when I went for injection that I still trip and having extra haliperidole doesn't help, he said he wasn't gonna say anything to anyone but not sure if he changed his mind...bitch nurse doing my injection didn't have anything to say but sure thought a lot about me saying these beings helpp with the efvfect of the medications they make me feel more alive then I usually would.. hardly metnion the celbrity but I said the ET's were helping protect me from the celbrity when she comes on too strong or would trip about her trying to steal the vessel of my heart, gotta not go back there as ET's have to put me back together by even thinking about her doing that, she doesn't really want to I think just a trip I guess, or she was a bit naughty the other night with some stuff and the ET's had to safely put me back togetther....

introduced her to the ET's I asked if she could have a guide aswell and they arrranged a female of the species to talk to her and think she appreciated it, not sure how they meet or how it would appear to her consciously in her mind. but serves to protect her from me and everything else, think she liked it...they don't get invasive but sounded like the guide was filling in a lot of information for her about me which is good....she claimed to have no idea when seeing me get my injection and wants to helpp me now.....so much for the facebook page saying it was her, I am getting the impression that that wasn't even her but imposter, not sure it sounded like her and the type of posts she would do, but maybe they copying it of twitter or something, not sure what to think but that is upsetting that I thought I was talking to her about everything but turns out she has no idea about it, just trying to connect with her woke her up to me again, when I was refusing treatments and back on again like old times, almost I think I must have a lot of catching up to do, maybe thats why I did my ET journey so fast and into the hospital admission when they supposed to be correcting all that as a sign of metnal illness schizophrenia, succh a bad word to use oon someone. so they didn't succeed and let me out still with trips about a celebrity.

maybhe I( letting go a bi9t...facebook freind that also had a similar thing with a celbrity to me, said to not worry about celebrity and go w9ith someone from the neighbourhood kind of thing...not to worry I do what is right for me but I seem to taken on board what the consensus would be about this affair and go elsewhere,..not sure whata to do....maybe I like her too much but still can't bring myslef to actually meeting her, I am noot the man I aught to be at the moment, dumbed out on antisychotics she would like me better if I was myself if you get my drift without dumb drugs....

had an issue with facebook not loading so I loaded internet expplorer and it made my computer go into blue screen. thought someone might be getting to me about all this and hacked the computer so restarted and it worked then tried internet ex-plorer again stupidlyy and blue screed agian...hate how I blamed the celbrity cos I also gonna see if her facebook would load on different browser after I was blocked already said now I don't think it was even her....this time after blue screen windows didn't load and had to do startup repair, $#%^.....so luckky I even here at least it would have showed me not to say $#%^ about celebrities online.

transformed myself into the black feathered creatures to go into the hospital nurses bay, I think I left more of a startle response for those who could see me...and appeared to my darling like that then her guide of the same species took a fancy to me lol but its all sorted now.