I'm still a free man-Razael's Thread

some realised I was fine the whole time and maybe some even believed me about my trips with this celbrity,the quacks didn't get it...I complained about loss of love and sex energy a lot coz I wanna please her by being all I am funny tthing is tshe currently transforming me to be all I am anyway regardless of athe haliperidole...actually didn't mind taking haliperidole it doesn't do anyething

a friend on the ward that I liked her funny chick who once claimed to be best freinds with the celbrity liked me sharing the music I listening to....just to mention that I try to visit them maybe in the same way I done in the past, I liked some of the patients and this one lady who won her MHRB review board for involuntary status and I told her they are ###$ but her case too good they even she said money tranferred over delaying hrer i9nitia hearins,some stuff didn't know how she coming up with it but they ###$ up and she won...anyway.

I been visiting the ward trying to light up my astral and visit some of the hot girls, not that I do anything but energy $#%^ and proving there is nothing wrong with me

some I think kknew I am fine I was agitated in the beginning about being forced with medication and did all I could for time with my functioning that this clebrity would appreciate in my rawness and personality that gets ###$ by the drugs and she has to step away, still developments have been good with ther for this closeness maybe the album has stuff in it I know wathing her other chart topper film clip made me see what she looks like or made it so I could see her face when on leave from hospital when I starte going home for a joint

another interesting thing about the hospitaal bvisit is I got insppired to be employed to be a peer workier in the psych ward sore the manager a bit and they said I would get a visit from human recourses from the hospital about it into the ward...so I out having some marijuana from what this guy who goes in for speed addiction and he gave me one and a half grams anyway having my last bit on the massive balcony and the ward manager comes out and told me about the job and what peninsula health is pannning while smoking it and smelt it so I got busted only just started the joint so she let me finnish it and went to report it,, I didn't get sent to high security and they were all really nice about it and brought up family stuff to do with being busted I asked them to report how family made me fuc ked up when getting busted cos they strat treating me as though I am sick and crazy when I try to be friends and real love not this country garbage and how I was brought up...hospital was a good opportuninty to ###$ them off really coz they couldnt get me in trouble once I already in a pscyh ward if you know what I mean so I left some pretty angry messages on their answering machine...they just think I was sickk so excuse it and still try to call me but they have a hard time getting through the other night smy phone swi9tched itself off and missed it luckky and at hospi99tal never got through until the last days and ###$ that conversations I have with my mum she just talks and I go yeah yeah rigght its just irritating and feel like hanging up on her...my family is ###$...I likke a life with my celbrity now, even though to move it in to the physical I don't even know if I want thatt...who am I ?

Nobody really knows who I am anywoay on this joint except I getting a hard time with the quacks yeah 2011 after I met the celbrity and remember another lover who appeared nexct door and got me into trouble and ###$ up astrals telling me to get into the roof of my unit and get down inot dnext door to help someone...guess it wasn't the celbrity but around the same time I had lovers on the astral 2011 got sleep deprived and $#%^ over traumatic memeories to do withh my life and night sweats and like time layersed off and all this $#%^ going on at the the same time I was in massive doubt over who I was dealing with when with the clebrity ended up in psychward after tampering with this door and police getting involved I called emergency cerviceis...blah anyway..then this love got ###$ up then ET was on the TV in the psychward and It sounded so good and her stuff really changed me I would see lights and fireworkks comeing out of the sterio and really impressed this chickk is awsome and had to find out who she is then realising I wanted to date a girl like that we sore eye to eye.

Kept it secret this whole time since 2011 ther is a song on the album internation smile about how we met its so cool and she knows I thought she really a girl I sore in the magaine doing the same face, thinkk I ched that magazine out for some reason even though I oved the face...can't believe I did that...stuff like that makes this delusion go round not that it interferes with my llife hell I got a trip about a clebrity that didn't directly result in psych ward all the other $#%^ that happening at the same time except when aliens invaded after I stopped being one and only and got involved with a girl from my home town..I wanted to be with her because I new who she is then this $#%^ came up about her bumming she asked me to kkeep secret but her grandpa did it to her, dont know If i really belieer that in real life I dunno, anyway I know to be specualtive of lost of stuff anyway she tried to do it to the whole world and I felt responsible for her getting raped on the astral and really ###$ up and then they came for me for sticking up for this astral slut, lost her then I cans ee that but when it first started it must have flickered or something cos i thoughet even we had three episodes or a long period of time we together its hard to explain..hard to remember since I been ###$ by antipsychotics but think I can reember stuff we had maybe one day no point its still alright so I just getting neaurotic while I writing this sorry............

ha maybe keep the secret coz nobody reads this $#%^....sorry about the last paragraph aand I can't remember what I was talking about lol...sorry

I gonna finnish about this clebrity now I think I already gave it away, don't let it ruin her I doubt it,, as if I would make a difference I am a nobody just guy who sits around thinking about her because he got nothing bettyer to do she must like that I do that anyway...thats my job plus trustee of the cosmos, thanks lol thats why they kept me in hospital for refusing treatments coz I adopted trsutee of the cosmos to my title and security wanted to shake my hand made up code pink so security drag me out of hospital one tried to get me through the doors lol but had some fun I guess in the 8weeks I spent in hopsital trying to hang onto my clebrity love crush.

ac tually the girl that was bumming also left me for the keyboardist and main dude behing Nightwish that came over when playing viola along to their CD really good and making her cry, I got upset aboutit even though he was a friend, encountered her in the armies sent to annihilate me, think they released some stuff about the voyage into heaven he must have encountered what I did at one point when the godess of the level above tried to graab onto me and sent us down the roller coaster , so the guy relsesased some stuff I sore about it, they were their in the sea of suffereing once we got that far, looking for atlantis they were. good luck to them sorry we had a falling out nightwish..thats when I was refusing zeldox and detoxing and angels and this celebrity was all intertwined but yeah as far as she is concerned is we had a fight yeah I couldn't trust anything too much $#%^ going on and we had a fight but I really wound up in psychward...didn't help that lost all my good guides when getting attacked by so many beings and opening a portal for where my SISTER was ###$ it and that was ###$ up for everybody...its all experience...I talk about it now and say no wonder I am diagnosed schizophrenic I guess.

but much of an imporvement since extradimentional beings wherer showing me where to go in the universe to meet with heaven as it exists in another part of the universe and transforming into a god and being kicked out only to return and transfrom myself to project to the land of the gods to meet the babies I made with love with Maat that the celbrity probably didn't even know about and made offspring with the gods back in 2012 anyway that all good so in 2013 I met one of the offspring in the land of the gods....I wnt beyond the land of the gods and sore a dragon eye and wnet through the pupil and beyond that would only give a sensitiv e a headache if I was to go on,,,,but I went on a side journey and ment the dragon itslef and beyond to meets gods did I already say all this...I am glad I did most of that whi9le in hospital and them confirming I am treatment resistant for still speacking of meeting gods from went I went beyond beyond the land of the gods and a guide came down and congratulated in meeting and bringing to earthly concerns even, not sure where employment of some of the craiest life being sI met It would blow your mind. so not at riskk anymore especially since my exploration of the universe is finished and i am told by them all to returen to heaven and maybe with my lover and reason to stay on earth when I can't stand the earth realm in current getting better maybe round of appplause???nah hope my extradimentional beings help you too??? not sure won't go there depends whos reading this.my favourites always come to mind..met them in 2012 too black feathered creature, some of the other stuff was like ball of some kind that would bounce, lots of bouncing and fairy goodness....ha that remaids me I met a fairly lover when I went higher coz darkhorses getting too me going ba k to psychward on leave and she like appearing in cars and $#%^ and knowing that she has that ability to manifest herself she took me up into heaven coz i not voyaging much in hopsital and all docile and we went up and yeah I took over after we got to a level and I was guided by gods hand that was there the whole time willing us to come up and I wnet higher and met another lover who usually just appearedd tiny and a ball of light but I not stay with her I don't think I could meet that one but it gave me a choice to have a dream about something even higher and maybe meetable if I wanted to , not that I think it was a bout sex or anything...we been on a few jounreys way up there...not sure where it stands now but talking about it so much probably isn't too good. never know I might be embarrassing myself.

-- Fri Dec 06, 2013 1:11 pm --

where else should I write about my extradimentional voyage.....I guess here will do. bit of a change of topic I guess....

dirinking lots of coffee.
getting boring now maybe

I guess if I need to worry about giving it away that it just makes no sense anyway so nobody will care to look into it.

wasnt the celbrity doing the bumbing just read over where I talking about that..that was another girl I wasn't her one and only this time.....bad idea ended really badly...now I take a bit more care hell was enjoying having lovers since getting off antipsychotics and doing a detox....I am better now I stick with my girlfriend of the imaginary kind but possible on the physical if she not get married.....so my impression of her face in the window of the psychward couldn't hav e me find out about the media saying this $#%^ coz it almost fell on its head, but I wanted to keep it going despite thinking that she might have marriage on the horizon and besides who am I to get in the way...I don't do anything unless she can make something up to excuse me as a boyfriend,, think about it...actually worrying about that celebrity thing and how easy it is to be really with a celebrity compared to when its just in your mind and nobody knows about it...its easier to kkeep it a mystery...

wonder what will happen, as long as she stays I like having her with me, although fear losing it agian but I dont think she gonna let that happen..

not like I started a new thread about it I guess

enjoyed the last of my weed that is contributing to feelings of home, just can't be ###$ going through the ordeal of catching a bus to do the shoppping, maybe psych ward wasn't the best vacation for looking after yourslef but the weed didn't help and last time I left my pretty thing wearing a dress big dress at home and she didn't want to appear with me but still did and the smokes guy putting my jar tobacco in a bag took forever and I only get about 20minutes to do the shopping and wwent to the supermarket with not enough time for the next bus and forgot bannanas and went to catch a train but that like a twenty minute walk to get home and to the train recharged my ticket and stepped in dog $#%^ and then decided not to get the train sore a hot indian girl or something she was fine but no attention really anyway backk to wait for hour for next bus at buss's onto one bus that takes me about 15minute walk from home starts pissing down so I get out thinking its only 30minutes or something till next bus wash out sosme of the dog $#%^ from my shoe in a puddle have smokes and wait for my bus...next thing been waiting and the bus didn't even show up so got on a bus that take me to the same place the train would if I got on ages ago to be home with my darling but no so caught that bus didn't want to wait in the city anymore.....walked home

so that happened last time I went into the city for shopping, i forgot bannana's and steppedd in dog $#%^ and my bus didn't show that I was late for the usual bus straight after shopping and hate waiting for the next onem and the next one didn't show....usually I not so indecisive that was a $#%^ trip to the shops....just thought I share what I did when my princess couldn't appear to me cos of the dress she had on and closeness of that form of her that appears other forms can appear with me and like to go to the shops but not this one...when I see her my vision goes off and I see crystal clear vision of her, I guess I am lucky maybe I shouldn't talk about it....but that wasn't supposed to be going to the shops with me and what a teerrible time I had getting back to home so I could be with her....felt like I have a girlfriend, not feeling it as much today but anyway I guess things change maybe when I worried about celebrity status and it made me want to step away from it to process, and maybe listen to the album...have moments when I can feel her in my heart like lots of people do, but nothing much fighting the antipsychotic. ,maybe now I talk about it she coming on a bit stronger maybe I should leave it there I already said about it, and the extradimentional beings......hope somebody enjoyed it anyway.

turned out that that trip to the shops I didn't even need to do also, co I still haven't touched the tobacco I got and the pepsi I got a cold one from the bottlo accross the road when I got home so waste of time and no bananna's

dont know about being so open about my visions and $#%^...feel kinda like some of you sore it too or my vision clarity is in these messages.....not seeing her as clear now. ran out of weed might do some breathing excercises and meditation maybe, she can visit me in my meditation which is good....meditate on her of something...I finnished with this I think....

even if I madee it clear what celbrity I talk about or she releases any of the songs I mentioned I guess I am safe because I haven't got a chance in hell,, thats what the staff were saying at the hospital as if I would have a chanvce with this celebrity so forget about it...or maybe I do I dunno its just a dream from this end nothing comes through she can't call my phone or write me an email even though I tried she blocked me on facebook, so any chance of this thing going into reality is slim, don't know what to do I did everything I could writing to the telepaathic email but no response, she lies to me but I deal with it.....

last night I had some guy wanna know how I did it, even though I say to check international smile to find out how this trip started, I can't just show someone how I connected with her its a long story and something I can't just let someone know so they cna annoy this celbrity....or they think they are better then me, as if she would wanna start with someone else who tapped into my life to be close to her too, jealous maybe....nothing to be jealous of cos I don't know how to meet her physically to let this love blossum in reality...maybe I am just her number one fan, she wrote an album about it but nothing for me I still alone with this celebrity in my head most of the time, I see her and $#%^ but thaats about it, and so what she got marriage on the horison and then I be forced to change my life with her no longer in it..

just talkking, maybe it makes more sense now, most of what I said I just read through and its tricky to taalk about so its hard to read probably..

went onto facebook instead of this place for a while now I lost it there

she knows how to track me down surely, I done my best.....will she??? I wonder, thought I was special to her but maybe the fame thing makes it complicated or she not know if it will work physically, just an astral thing that went down in history into eternity like her lyrics about it.....

how crazy am I lol....I thinkk a celebrity released an album about our astral love affair and she really did, now just patients and try to stay in contact with her the best I can....telepathic email address didn't come through, wonder if she got my messages, she claimed to in the window when her face would appear to me in hospital, she got my message.....wonder if she ever write gback.....I shouldn't forget that if the univ4erse aligns she can visit me in person....next time she comes like that I better go over, wonder if she can do it again....why didn't I just go over that time???how dumb, maybe I never live it down my only chance to meet my celebrity crush....damn,,,,,anyone hearing this....I coulda meeted her but I didn't....can she come again thats what I should be focusing on but how,,,can she rock up to my house when its right, she done that in the past but it never workeed we got scared, it is scary....I don't kknow how she did it., maybe the extradimentional beings helped her, I don't wanna know how that is done.

she must know I am crazy, but not crazy like people with concepts of metnal illness and sanity would makke me out...if you know what I mean...plenty of people with concepts of sanity that I don't fit with, the whole affair is crazy....and I kept it secret for about 3years, she released the album now I feel like talking about it, hell I talked to the hospital staff about it unfortunately, wonder if they believe me yet, was willing some crazyy $#%^ with her to go on speakers at the hospital, wonder if it worked? tried to get the cd playing for the hospital........yeah the face that appeared at hospital said she wrote to the hospital, but they wouldn't believe it anyway, they make some excuse or the reality she just tricking and hoping for a way to influence them telepathically maybe, so I shouldn't fall out with her for tricking me into thinking she done all this stuff to help me out of this situation to let our love be free and unhindered , because I am so hindered by it, she helped keep it going this time so we should be happy,