I'm still a free man-Razael's Thread

maybe I am impatient...what shoudl I do? lay on the couch? at least off antipsychotics I am never this bored...I already said that....

what shoudl I call this thread...lately its about me winging or $#%^ gets moved across when I make a new thread say about the kybalion as a tool for awakening mankind from ignorance of metnatal health , waking them up...thought it was important....

so this is where I write about my CTO, getting off it, any legal things that happen, anything about CTO laws etc and my feelings about being on a CTO Ok ran out of topics on that one too or would find appropriate topic already started to update them.

Anything about spirituality such as what I already statrted topics on hermetica was a seperate and new thing I got into...I have other spiritual topics I could find to post on..probably although now anything on hermetica is lost amongst this $#%^.

what else...oh yeah compalining about life and how I am bored on antipsychotic, notihing to do...about herbs I guess would go in here, thats alright although have a herb topic in schizophrenia forum.

seems the moderator is the only one making conversation here so won't use this thread to bag the idea that I need this thread for anything spiritual in relation to the battle for freedom and rights...what if the most influencial member of society found something they could use from my spiritual insights into apparent psychosis and schizophrenia including how the drugs are a ###$ up causing horrible deficits to lifestyle cognitive function, hormonal, boredom, anhedonia, loss of love and joy......and trying to communicate the deficits is taken as symptoms...I already said all that, but its still an issue unless the herb helps to find relative perspective of ideal functioning...which it does I guess....

feeling good, just not about pscyhforums, or facebook or anything, trying to get the message out about psychiatry, maybe not in vain. it has an influence in getting it to the right people to share the situation....though seems people care very little for the lives of the mentally ill thinking psychiatry is justified in making eternal comments regarding being mentally ill and forced into their care....nobody seems to give a rats that this is happening...gotta get the message out somehow, somewhere and not in full capacity to be able to think about writing a blog or something....not sure what to do..thats what this spark is about and frustration that nothing is happening anywhere on the net, its all I do, looking for something...but the spark is to get the message out, just used up all the outlets and can't write again on another group on facebook....its becoming irrelivant like people just think I need to get over the situation, which I am and I think it will help to be more opened up and fully aware of the situation on a grander scale, maybe all is not lost but I have something to gain in living still.....

all my posts get long, I don't understand.....I don't actually say much in person, or do I sometimes I can say a lot but its difficult to find an outlet, written stuff I can go for my life and not be afraid of convention in rules of society, I write long posts andd some people won't understand them or even read but thats ok at least its out there....I used to worry about spelling for peoples searches....don'[t take enough care anymore....but I hope the right material shows up at some point to the right person

cheze. I am finding the herb as its supposed to has longer term effect as it develops in the system, it makes me more recently to be able to rest all day in bed, like that I find is a good thing very relaxed and rejuivinating plus it give some time to think in relaxed manner..don;t like doing it, get up at 12pm go back to bed by 3 sleep til after 5pm and last night even back in bed by 7and all night util 12pm what does that make it? thats all I feel like doing anyway, Its a better feeling on the herbs and they make sleeping good, not sure I even notice any awakening of the mind, I think its still there maybe its a relative thing U get used to, still not as good as I could be without the antipsychotics..maybe there are other herbs out there to try?

so far my intellectual acknowledgement of the mental health workers indicates they still think I am schizohrenic, but what is schizophrenia anyway, thats what I am interested in and they don't have a good model, they wouldn't answer if I asked other then talking about the symptoms I apparently have or how I am definately schizophrenic, I need a bit more then that and quite frankly is annoying if thats all they can come up with, they don;t even dare tell me something about their scinece about chemical balances, I think its a load of $#%^, sicne they cause an actual imbalance with the drugs that affects a great number of problems..

hope the herb sticks it up them and makes me a better patient and speak when I am spoken to, see what material they got, I guess nothing...needs to be intersting, I don't think they can tell me anything interesteing.

more nonsense I guess, pretty low on myself but not depressed, maybe thats a good thing too, can't be too assured I am in the right place in life to be able to speek with clarity also depends on the antipsychotic

Razael wrote:feeling good, just not about pscyhforums, or facebook or anything, trying to get the message out about psychiatry, maybe not in vain.

I try to get the message out all over the web, posting stuff like:

Parents are being mislead by a multi billion-dollar a year child drugging industry that a diagnoses of “mental disorder” (ADHD, Bi-Polar, Social Anxiety Disorder) are medical diseases or illnesses. This is a fraud. No child has a brain scan, blood test, X-Ray or any evidence of physical abnormality to verify they are “ill” or “diseased.”

How Children Feel on Psychiatric Medication including Prozac http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3bgKY2Wv7I

”The Baker Act” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHAYVQjQ6v0

got up early for some reason...

feel a bit uneasy about quacks thinking my ability to have visions is part of an illness...but I getting clearer on how it isnt really...Its paart of my life and wellbeing adn get much enjoyment out of astral stuff visitors and voyages guided by angels, I am in a good spot..not that I should exagerate the rare occurance that on their drugs I am able to go on being schizophrenic by definition or they get the wrong idea that I need more drugs, maybe aany excuse will do and they are so vague about explaining why they gave me more drugs from the lowest dose...any more would be $#%^...so maybe I take care when talking about my love of having visions that makes me apparently schizophrenic but really it means a whole lot more, just not in their world of ignorance...they destroy the very nature and laws of the universe..

won't crap on too much..just felt like talking...talking to myself

getting some mucuna pruriens today in the mail probably, the shankhpushpi had defiate but tempoorary affect on sex organs and balance...seemed to delay orgasm too but now not making me sex god again, at least made me think I could make love if I wanted to, like on antipsychoatics you lose ability to be good love maker by definition not as animalistic in hornyness...wonder if anyone knows what I mean, when you think about sex on an antipsychotic its just weird and think how the hell do you do that....I am usually good love maker...lose all confidence in sex too and girls pick up[ on it really I know when I was a free man felt like I could pick up girls and think about girls and get good feelings that you can share with girls and get their attention of heart strings and resonating with love and confidence...I miss that

found a place in australia that does bulk shankhpushpi which is good, organic too..hopefull I get my sexy back again once on the mucuna aswell....australia is good I get it fast. I like shankhpusphi,,,maybe I got a bit excited how the herb fixed sex stuff.....

wonder if the psychiaatarist undertands that I love some of my astral companions, can't see them but want to..was lucky to see one but she was different and not aware of the relative size of the beings I used to be able to see...just can't maintain focus on them yet they can breifly appear....they never really say anything.....one thought she was a celebrety imaginary friend which is most interesting that is she really, did I have a telepathic thing with a pop star, meant to be hush hush about it, or jsut an illlusion or another being pretending to be celebrity...maybe I do have access to communing with anyone I want to when I off antipsychotic..just weird how astrally it is represented and are the other people really aware of what is going on like was this celebrity thinking when we were together on the astral realm, there must be some safe measures, maybe she had funny thoughts or something or never really knew what was going on, I think its still a possability to gain a lot from having that love there...I think it was her who visited in my heart when I got dragged back to hospital when I was a free man.....

Razael wrote:astral companions

That sounds kinda cool.

-- Tue Jul 09, 2013 5:08 am --

I don't see what the problem is with having these abilitys. Psychiatry is stupid.

-- Tue Jul 09, 2013 5:15 am --

I did the cotard delusion during withdrawal all the way to another place once and another time after being awake for days for the same reason I met some astral beings that weren't very nice at all. I figured out something and they came to tell me to shut up about it.

My adventures weren't pleasant at all, traveling on the wings of withdrawal ain't the way to go.

what was it about when you figured the thing out and the astral came to terrorise you...yeah they can be nasty sometimes

Razael wrote:what was it about when you figured the thing out and the astral came to terrorise you...yeah they can be nasty sometimes

I was in treatment after getting abused with psychiatry's substances and noticed almost everyone in group had abusive childhood often due to parents drinking or using drugs and then drank used drugs to cope with it becoming abusive themselves.

I figured out that alcoholism is not genetic but that alcohol makes people abusive and abused people like drink alcohol cause of they were abused and become abusive themselves passing the pain an suffering on to the next generation...

These 2 demons cam and told me to shut up about that, I also thought there were cameras in the smoke detectors.

Withdrawal sucks for me from any downer pill anti psychotics included, that's why I don't want any pills for what ever disorder I get accused of during withdrawal cause then I have to withdrawal again and go through hell again and get accused of a disorder needing pills.

Been done with that #######4 for a wile now, about since I have been posting here. sucks even minor alcohol withdrawals after a few days of drinking sets up that endless insomnia ride to hell that if I goto doctors in that condition I snag a diagnosis requiring anti psychotics, it sucks,