I'm still a free man-Razael's Thread

don''t know if I had much of an image to ruin, not so sure about opening up about that stuff earlier, hope it makes sense anyway that I not need to worry about it, I am beyond that $#%^, I just need some love in my life......

or because the celbrity got onto it, enough to make a difference how I felt about myself in that situation...I am sorry if that news makes a mess of me...think I sorted it out anyway and no use metnioning it again unless I mention the bank account and how that evolutionary moments were robbed of me also to which I make sense of my life and into purity and eternal life, but no I had been given antipsychotics and they made a mess of me forgetting the life lessons that were to be learnt if I sore through the situation at the end of university and feelings of shame and guilt for what I did to my cousin plus I mighta had my first dose of the filth on the internet, the rest of my life in the matter would be sorting through some of that $#%^ and maybe I had to go walkabout into unricheous paths to find my peace with the matter that I dont need to doubt myslef anymore because I have evolved past having any concerns about knowing my sexuality, if only I could feel this love and have my true potentials opened up to me without the antipsychotics, I still trip as bad on them I have found....maybe talking about the trips with the celebrity is better news then making it sound like I might be a pedo, I hope I made myself clear enough that I not need to worry about that now, don't think I should dig my hole any deeper by going on about it...it upsets me when I see a girl that might be victim of sexual abuse, but I can't be thinking like that coz it has in the past turned on some reactions and internal battles with images of pedo's in my life, or its like a possession thing, I did try to do a seance once by mysllef to bring up my dead grandfather and that s when the exploring the net started happening, then I had a breakdown at the end of uni that might have been something to do with looking up online $#%^ that shouldn't be there but is, and my auntee robbed me upon finding out i interfered with my cousin fairly innocently I might add, but sthis just sounds wrecked..maybe i am figuring the whole thing out? not that it makes a difference now I talked about clebrity visitations and ESP stuff, and my extradimetnional guides, they got me pinned as a schizophrenic alright, just that i know what went into it, all contributing fators and my auntee setting me up was one of them...didn't get a chance to tell VCAT the ful extnet of the story, especially didn''t correct the clinics interpre\tation that she made a withdrawal when she actually closed the account and reopened one in her name althoughthe numbers might be the same, there what hundreds of thousands of dollars in that account and she robbed me and got away with it because I was having a breakdown and confessed to her about what I did and my feelings about it, hell I didn't want to be a pedo and think the crisis was about evolving past any concerns that I might be and obtaining purity in life, does this make sense...so everything that happened from that time is a mistake and ongoing psychiatry ruining my evolutionary moments of transcendence into purity and eternal life, a life of magic....if only I could convince them that its only coz I wanted to play with magic that I had a celebrity affair going on that led to sleep deprivation aswell as the usual memories that traumatise me going on at the same time, opening me up to possabilities and a life on the astral and spiritual planes, polluted world on the earth plane, I went beyond and found peace with the help of extradimentional beings to imporve the situation on earth...Just don't want the fact that I searched for underage girls to be the end of me, like it could have when the celbrity found out for sure, there is more then meets the eye and a back story behind evidence of my identity, I been through tests with them to see for sure already, just it came up again after getting rid of it from my life then psych treatemtn-

I used to think I should keep all that material because I might be able to help them or others, maybe thats a purpose I identified in actually being in strong opposition to this betrayal of innocence...how could I help them, do they need help, some probably get it pretty bad, knowing that this $#%^ goes on is the worst likek I said for some reason picking up on an abused kid, telling it in their energy from energies I was around when I was growing up and that filth might be an illusion maybe from filth I was looking at online or a bit of both but I generally loathed it and faught with it chronically in my own being, psych drugs take away that sense of realisation with life and finding meaning in it and takes away angeer at oneslef and maybe more adopting the behavioural patterns that one is trying to fight off like smoking and anything that gives a rush of dopamine...less antipscyhotic means more self-awareness and if something aint right one is more likely to succeed in getting rid of it if not on antipsychotics, thats whata I trying to say......

I guess thats the curse that goes with reporting that incident any further, about the auntee robbing me of the money given to me since I said something to a university professor, maybe he believed I was the second coming? or inspired time at university going crazy if you get my drift and this $#%^ is magic and the guy wrote me a check...went into a different bank with it coz the guy sore urgency in me putting it in a safe place we were outside a bank, pity though I didn't go around to my usual bank or maybe I not ready to have that kind of money....so this pedo thing brought me down aswell for revealing it to my auntee as a motive for robbing me I was about 18- 19at the time think around 1999-2000 OI think I told her and she didn'tkknow what to do and then I wrote out the bank account number on something...

also reported this bank incident to the registrar in hopsital convinced I am a schizophrenic so they just thought it was a delusion, maybe everybody does my family does so I should be just appologising coz i let them know about it and was set on never having anygthing to do with them again for wanting to call psych serciveces claiming I am unwell, I already in hosptial so thought it couldn't hurt...so I gonna be around them for christmas because mainly my extradimentional guides wanted to meet them, so kinda makes it worthwhile If I pleasing them, too bad if it turns to $#%^ and they want to get me out of their . might be good though catching up with nieces and nephews that are growing up. they are awesome kids....maybe now not the right time to talk about it.

anyway guess this dark side of my life and revealing it did my head in, but that is stopping me from going any further in getting my bank money back, wonder what I should do?? I guess I should be feeling like $#%^ about this content on this thread...sorry about that....

please pardon my change of topic when talking about the bank account I was robbed of, Its bad news really..hope I am forgiven for even bringing it up, its not good $#%^ to talk about I dunno what it would do to people reading it...that $#%^ about darkhorse being about me is much better, I remember the feelings when we were getting closer, and she says the song is a warning to someone not to fall in love with her, so if its about me then she is advising me not to fall in love with her, its bad news or is it...I certainly got over the Pedo business with her she is healing me in other areas and to go back to incidents in my life like she is reading me, I only thought it was in my best interests to share with her about the pedo business, but I generally get away with it coz she knows I am not like that she can tell, but it certainly put a spanner in the works pardon the phrase, especially for opening up about it here I certainly probably seem unworthy of her astral affections, not that I really getting any since the antipsychotic has ###$ my sexuality and sex energy and power, I just a vegitable at the mercy of my surroundings though I still have power to rectify bad trips on the astral...she gets me in a state I can't really discribe, but its not as good as old times with her although we had our falling outs in the past. I should remember the good times if I can.

actually this is boring too,,can't believe I opened up about that, feel lousy about it especially shifting my identity, the astral love still knows I am fine just putting it out their really rubbed off on me..hope to get past that and back to normal whatever normal really is. I like to imagine my astral guides and clebrity, though I ###$ it from my history with getting addicted to looking up illegal images for some reason that I am yet to truly conceptualise but I tried my best in previous posts but hope that is not triggering for anyone to follow in my footsteps, at certain points there was a tantric thing going on and taoist speak of orgasming over ideal images so it has a alchemical kind of thing going on depending on what it is you orgasm over, hard to explain I read about it in a bookk about tantra and some more ###$ up avenues of it, the taoists speak of ideal ages and how its not so wrong if you get the attention sexually of say a 16 year old there must really be a cut off point, did you get my drift that say it preserves youth to get with a younger person, now thats where it gets ###$ up, thing is using this $#%^ means one takes on the energies and bad vibes in the production of it, thats what I think I found, plus all the other people using it and join a club just that I didn't want to be in that club, I mainly was searching for ideal high quality material, and girls that have been through puberty or only just that makes a difference, usually with there cloths still on makes a difference. not sure what it is, maybe not uncommon to find a n element of attraction to that time of life in girls development, but as I say they are given full respect for their goddess in them when dealing with them in real life, I rather teach them and been told I would make a good teacher. so no I dont go around fantasising about picking up 15yearolds, but maybe I notice them and can see there not a chance, but once upon a time I used to get attention from all ages of girls especially schoolgirls would talk to me, some are dirty minxes and never go their, I need more mature woman to catalyse me into what my ultimate of being is, this celbrity crush seemed to do that, its transformative to love someone...so hope this covers my tracks well enough when talking about the reality of the situation with girls that I am not looking for sex from this kind of girl or to molest any of them dunno why I looked up some bad $#%^ that bites me in the backside if I was to show you all I am, don't worry about the tantric thing about coming over images of idealised sorts and preserving youthfull image, that is where I mighta got ###$ up, that $#%^ only makes you ugly and energetically speaking in need of a good detox and maybe a psychosis to rectify the karmic error in being involved in subscribing to pedophiles marketing pedophilia and scrape that $#%^ out of joining the club and becoming an ugly pedophile too, its all there I just think sometimes we might need to change and we get psychosis from needing to change real bad and reprogramming from the filth and impurities...so maybe there is a lot to learn from my experience exploring the dark side of the web for something that wasn't there, came close once with japanese stuff but some of them go too young and its disgusting, some girls they lie about how old they are but can tell not quite fully grown but have gone through puberty, they look 16 but the quality of japanese stuff is better...its legal to do what I did in japan, weird country. the vibe of the japanese stuff didn't ring pedophilia and illegal either maybe its made with respect to that taoist thing not sure.still sick and need it out of my life. but just to talk about one find that wasnt so sick because it is made legally in japan. won't say anymore about it its only because I was talking about it....and that story about meeting virgins in heaven for parti ular religion I also think about , just now I mention it the taist thing and tantric thing needs to be rectified, dunno what branch of the philosophy talks about the images you come over, I think I can do better then that plus its not about that anymore anyway, there would be safeguards in the universe for incorrect dealings with that sort of thing, when it becomes unhealthy and must have a psychosis to get over it and transform into purity..antipscychotics are ###$ for it thats all I know.

think I might know now what I got myself into with this celbrity, maybe it never meant to be anything physical but her just coming at me like a dark horse makes it seem possible sometimes, like I already said then I second guess even wanting her around and maybe missing out on the full show, not sure....but what I was gonna say is that its never meant to be anything physical, just staying in my head and she owns me lol thats what the song really says is she owns my arse and does whatever she pleases with me...so not such a good move to get involved with her like that, at least she deals with it alright as far as I can tell, after she trips me out Its tricky if I go to her because I am so ###$ up on trips about her that I mess up, and repeating bad $#%^ is just one of the problems.drawing more bad $#%^ into my space with her is a big problem, like repeating bad trips of meighbour trying to steal her, I wake it up or when she likes to try to steal the vessel in my heart, I repeat that with her time and time again and the ET's have to put me back together all because I repeat the trip in my head and goes over it again full motions, thats one thing I gotta work on and the ET's will help me out with that.

don''t kn9ow why I suicided on this by o0pening up abut that incdecent porn stuff...as I said I invkoke archangel metatron to help with the situation.

I out of town for christmas and the celbrity not coming with me, I tried to connect but she thinks I am discusting now, fair enough...so I blown it, not sure about putting it in hard copy afor all to see how discusting I ahave been in the past...thing is she makes a difference and I transform to be a better man because of her, its irrelivant now all that stuff I opened up about, it doesn't suit me at all.

sorry again for that, hope I am forgiven...dont know why I opened up about it, its disgusting....nothing much else to say other then my ET's and clebrity are not really hapening now I am in the country with my folks, I blown it with the celebrity anyway for opening up about my behaviour in the past, I definately not worthy of her attention now, although I thank her for changing me for the better, thats all I needed was some love to reform my old ways.

actually found the rtrip away to home town to be kinda destructive, in a way of relating to my extradimentional beings, I forgot about them while I was away plus had no access to dope, but I think just being bac\k opens me up a little...I found my imaginary freind since b eing back but while I was away I was numb to having celbrities and extradimentional beings on focus with people running around,

once I got home I thought about it in my home enviroment and felt off, and being around usual mates was awkward with influence of my family, and being around the aunt wasn't a problem, she forgot about the incident co it realted to breakdown and seeing my guilt over relations to her daughter, but I forgotten what I did already that I was so worried about.


just wanted to comment on not being able to associate to my usual inner world as much after family influence...It easier for them to interract with me with nobody around.

not sure exactly wheree its standing with the celbrity but it was positive about an hour ago...not so much while writing about it.

had some pretty cool dream while I was away too about girls was a good one and thinking about it since I tried to access away for me to interract with them as eimaginary friends..not sure but in the dream I left on behind for another one ariving like a tree is ias if she lived high in a tree before hanging out with her and she introduced me to her father I think and we walked through my old school, then we were riding bikes of some sort and there was an incident with a monstor that I foau=ght off then later a guy from hospital recently who in rela life has a full on dream life , in the dream he sucked the joint I was smoking out of me with his hand and I got a w==eird sensation and I woke up, bastard.

trips are even worse with hero's trying to clean up the world of potential pedophiles, even though I not one of them and think my neices and nephews would stick up for me, as if as an adult I would interfere with a child, I did that when I was about 14 from about 12-14or15 I did, but I thought when having psychosis over it that this was old enough to know better, didn't do anything serious with her just wanted to have sex with her but didn't know what to do, can't really talk about what I did but nothing even to worry about really just stupid coz I liked her arse...now I am numb to anything and it doesn't do anything to me, plus the celbrity crush resolved the problem for me currently, back then I was sick off the situation....

trips not so good with the celbrity but was preparing to get the ###$ out of here from paranoia that this stuff about me looking bad $#%^ up online got to the police or someone wanted justce and tripped me out with them trying thier $#%^ on me, clebrity not so much on my side anymore, problem is can't ###$ anyone up over it coz then it just seems like I am keeping a secret, obvoiusly not I wanted to share on this for some reason because it was an issue with my imaginary friend now it came out of the closet and wanted to share whats going on with her...

Listening to the album making me feel much better after night my extradimentional beings tried to get rid of her, and thinking I suffer karma during the night for trips, at least as far as the earth climate for karma, meaning one bad trip when I behave poorly goes off and starts more ###$ up trips, people defending childrens rights are ###$ mabe it came off and the potential for this thread to fall in the wrong hands with passion they have to erradicate pedo's, I feel the same we are on the same team but I consult archangel metatron for guidance on the matter, I know its difficult to understand but I been through plent of reckless angry stages that make it worse for yourself really having an agenda to fight something like that.

so last night I was trying to wake up with a higher goddess of heaven I managed to reach, the trip was bad as it cut me off from higher layers above the earth I call heaven the person I suspect who read this thread and tried to get me in trouble, someone with understanding of what goes on for pedo business, but I managed to find the goddess that I guess is higher up then I was with the celbrity, still don't knwo about that but that vision and dream that we are eternally somewhere in heaven was good but didn't know about it, think its over but I might want to reaffirm it, but I can be with a goddess of heaven too, she transforms herself and dealing with a real god of some kind that transforms into the most gorgeous girl, she kinda saved my arse last night with the trips that blocking me from my journey into heaven..plus heaven journey i not doing at home for christmas with family around.

I thank my ectradimentional beings that often too late for a bad trip, some pretty impressive stuff from one visitor to do with the pedo stuff tunder and all sorts really impressive display of power from this dude, but annoying at the same time other times maybe the same guy maybe different...really infamous because I opened up about it its ruined me,l basically at least provided bad trips that I managed to get over last night to get some sleep..

Think thats all I doing, listening to the album in one ear gonna listen to darkorse in two ears, my plug slot is bron=kken on my MP3 player.

manifesting in a different place was tricky coz really I don't know what danger I getting into or even being sure who it was with I had my doubts, thats real magic isn't it, telepotation stuff and I am backwards and not taking full advantage of it, maybe I be perfectly safe but it coincding with pedo business so didn't know what danger I getting into.....trips like severed head business and evil trying to keep my head in a jar or something is trippy, thats just one thing I don't enjoy is severing head and other stuff I won't go into but really ###$ up, but learing to utilise my extradimetnional guides to put me back together...

had weird visuals like worms in my vision I was really ###$ up last night or something to do with the attck, water ripples in my vision...had one thrid a bottle of wine last night and that with the weed meant for bad performance in trips, dehydration was bad but just flushing out like I had some poison and going to the toilet lots also, thought I wass meant to go onto the other side when sleeping and transporting to new place and thinkk we came really close but I can
t go for some reason, I hold onto this reality and can't transport its really frustriating like I could go to live ink heaven with this goddess, or circumvent the globe to be with the imaginary friend, yeah I go back to just calling her an imaginary friend instead of celbrity from now on, though dunno why I remind anyone...

why can't I transport it would be good for me to get away for so many reasons find a safe place for the closing in of law forces from intention of people who read about my confusion with pedophilia...or is this just a trip that I could transport the hell out of there?? pity last night being held back for projecting in heaven, it was a disaster, think its alright now though. fully transporting up theri is what I should be going for..

my heart was beating so fast from the wine joints and trips andd shaking bad maybe its like fear it might seem to be if anybody witnessing.

I tried to cotact the imaginary freind while at home and become invisable my little nephew couldn't see me when I would be obvious like my body might go soemwhere when I dealing with the astral I become invisble maybe.he came outside I was crouched down and wlaaked right past me and genuinely couldn't see me when trying to contact the clebrity imaginray friend.

either that or the trip to family messed up my skills...but it was good to see neices and nephews, actually my neice came last night at one point these bastards fighting for some hollow justice in erradicating someone who suspected to be pedo, can't remember what I was saying, they tried to take her for questioning kind of thing and she faught shtem off really impressively...good stuff thats family and I repect her and she's gorgeous, got a baby girl too she lis awesome too, I could never hurt a kid I love kids and I am not annoying at all or tormenting like I have noticed from other family membere like brothers and cousins playing games with kids heads he did it to my neice too saying something or he will kill her mum and it upset her and she talked to me about it, wonder what that was about, I am actually protective of kids and usually relate to them well and see their best side..

I find I go for some rauwolfia serpentina if tripping seems like its never gonna end before I fall asleep, last night headache from dehydration was a worry and thought there something laced in the weed to kill me or someone been into my house and poisoned my wine or it happened in the bottle shop coz I felt sick or oncoming bad $#%^ from opening up about this business I should never have opened up about if not explaining why I had a falling out with the celebrity who is less on my side now and has ammunition to getting some pretty heavy trips anyhow, the extradimenitonal beings wanted to banish her and we fell out of our place in heaven, that I already mentiaon I have reservations to ...maybe I should indeed be leaning toward eternity with this goddess I met the first time I went into heaven and she came to me just that purgatory was happening at the same time and they creeping into my private space with some of this $#%^ going on,,, maybe I need to practice what I preach and get into bannashing rituals in these times of bad tripping, Maybe it will help, I know the rauwolfia seems to be good for it, I choos that over having a extra haliperidole that does nothing to stop me engulfing myslef and having good and bad trips with this imaginary friend and turns out others set out to detroy me, seemed to come pretty close last night, glad its not like that every night, shoulda measured my pulse rate if I could count taht fast dunno muscle spasms and $#%^ got me pretty bad sometimes, am glad I have extradimentional guides, some trips try to take out the guides too and I don't want them to get ###$ up and made enemy, I heared heaps last night from someone who wanted to declare war on me and $#%^, pretty messed up.