I'm still a free man-Razael's Thread

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Razael wrote:glad I have felt this buzzz!!! ###$ yeah I'm feeling real again...

my mind is crystal clear and I feel the goodness of dopamine my long lost freind

like I taken something, glad I got seraquil to get some sleep befor docs appoint tomorrow, gotta make sure those dumb ###$ don't get on my nerves, stay cool and actaully feeling optamistic

I HAVE ALL THE PROOF i NEED I WAS RIGHT THAT THE DRUGS CAUSE SO OR SO, LACK OF PLEASURE, I feel joy again, this is no joke...I know what the drugs do

Use the word "ANHEDONIA" to describe it to doctors, get it on medical records...

In psychology and psychiatry, "ANHEDONIA" (pron.: /ˌænhiˈdoʊniə/ AN-hee-DOH-nee-ə; Greek: ἀν- an-, "without" + ἡδονή hēdonē, "pleasure") is defined as the inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable, e.g. exercise, hobbies, sexual activities or social interactions. While earlier definitions of anhedonia emphasized pleasurable experience, more recent models have highlighted the need to consider different aspects of enjoyable behavior, such as motivation or desire to engage in an activity ("motivational anhedonia"), as compared to the level of enjoyment of the activity itself ("consummatory anhedonia").

Thats why Suicide risk in placebo-controlled trials of treatment for acute manic episode and prevention of manic-depressive episode is higher on those medications that cause anhedonia.

Did I say these medications cause suicides ? Better back that up, here > http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15800158

[mod edit]

Anyway "ANHEDONIA" that's the word to describe so of the unwanted effects of antipsychotics.

not so high now I guess the quack appointment got to me....didnt go too well but what the ###$ they are just going to suggest that I am currently unwell for letting them get to me, can';t remember what exactly tipped me over the edge, or maybe they didn't hear anything I said just that I got mad, but I calmed down qquick and waS extra placid, suprised if the guy doesn't suspect I more mood component for feeling so strongly about my case and mental integrity...would they remember that I calmed down and was extra placid? probably not, selective memory

told the case manager to get ###$... the quack said he thinks I am unwell for whatever reason that isn;t anything to do with being psychotic, interpreting the abundance of communication as as sign I had racing and disorganised thoughts, so what I get a bit scrambled in that situation, they just cut me off and don't even listen just talk about what they want to talk about, diverting my ppoint that would be normal for discussion and they cut me off and ignored everything.

maybe I need to be more patient.

but to the topic they said they would contact me in a week, dunno why something about getting my injection.

this is an ongoing thing, why not live it the way i want untill something pulls me from all the ######6 around, maybe I get on the good side of the police force and get into the law and human rights,.

they keep saying that they will revoke my CTO like thats something that would really bother me now its been renewed for I guess a year, by fighting it I'm likely to get off it easier then if i played the game like everyone recommends and consequentially suicide before the end of the year to get away from them.

oh yeah I ccalled the clinic to talk to the duty worker about feeloing like I left a bad impression and need to lesarn some self discipline...to pass on amessage that I find them difficult to talk to that doesn';t help communications and they cut me off and go on a tangent not even considering what I am saying, thats not what I said or how she wrote it down, why is it that is sound like a sign of mental illness the way the write it down, so she did her best job ..... told them I dont think thinking is not something I do, if anything all I think about is what I am going to say to a psychiatrist and I dont want to think about that anymore...sounds pretty inocent but they don;;t have the intelligence to know it means piss off.

that seraquil ###$ my buzz and good mood, regretted having a second pill and stay up to start feeling vulnerable, it is a vulnerable position to have your mental facilties ###$ up, and ability to stand up for yourslef the best way, so hard though to keep coool around psychiatrists but they don't quite understand that Its my choice I wouldn't want to deal with it....

so what when I talkk to them I am sloppy and they influence the c ourse of what I am saying to pissing me off telling me they think I have a mental illness, so what...the mind isn['t perminent, nothing is permanent.\


feel $#%^, is that the seraquil or seeing them today? maybe I should write a new topic about it

yeah I tried but then it became personal and kinda messed up my appointment today called them names and let them know I was repulsed by their stupidity,,...think the quacks are funny with their stupidity cos if you get agitated, they say thats its a symptom and it means you have an illness and if that pisses one off, dunno yet I still trying to see the lighter side of life, they are a joke no doubt but it aint too funny yet.

might be healthier to laugh when someone says psychiatry is a science based medicine and stuff like that....maybe people are already like this...

seeing it as a joke lowers it and you can dominate them, maybe if enough people saw how funny psychiatry is they would make fun of it and cause the industry neurosis...

or maybe you see it that it already has neurosis.////lets say it will implode upon itself

-- Thu May 02, 2013 9:12 pm --

just thought it might quicken the wits of the psychiatry movement and appeal to a larger audience if you are good at seeing humour in stupidity, and really dumb $#%^>laugh at a psychiatrist day

just thought some things about psychiatry are actually really funny that they could be such dumb-ass's

but its hard to see it like thata....thata's what is so agitating about them and the situation with lables.

similar titled thread got deleted

?????????did I say something wrong?

-- Thu May 02, 2013 9:28 pm --

I actuallly just laughed this time to someone telling me that psychiatry is science based medicine

Hey Razael,
Your post didn't get deleted, it was merged with this thread. I sent you a PM.

was gonna say in the other thread [ok I get the point I might have talked to myself but that was all that was similare really]

life is changing...part of my liberation is moving on from even thinking about psychiatry, but knowing that they are dumb ###$ when I do...unless its my new therapist if I get my way. lol

its not their fault, they are educated by drug manufactureres.....



or maybe I should keep thinking about psychiatry and what really goes on?

even lot less to say

feelings coming back and a bit anxious
even had a single lithium was prescibed for 4 at night.

I like the idea of using drugs for my own means but there be no artificial $#%^ in m y cupboard, no way...just potent herbal and maybe some spirulina....


[mod edit] maybe I got nothing new to say anyway apart from that topic about seeing the funny side of antipsychiatry

rock on ...psychiatry is funny...dim wits should I explain it...

i'm on a one thread policy

-- Thu May 02, 2013 9:52 pm --

thta sounded wrong...they are dimwits....I already explained it why i think so...I guess whateever else I gotta say stays in this thread......

-- Thu May 02, 2013 9:58 pm --

coming off antipsychotic maks me crave cuyddles big time...I guess that is the anedhonia lifting....I even feel better about myself when I check out girls

Glad you're feeling better. I've had a rush sometimes too when quitting meds. I took one med that made me pretty flat and I didn't realize it until I got off of it and started feeling more alive. That sounds like how you feel.

I did want to give you some feedback though. You are hard to follow. I mean I get the general idea, but you lose grammar totally sometimes. So I don't think anyone's being stupid or lying to you when they say they don't understand you. I don't understand a lot of what you're saying either, and I'm trying pretty hard.

Anyway I hope everything works out for you.

they don't want to listen, when I talk its simple.....maybe made me worry too much about it so anything I say goes over their head....yeah I can be over elaborate and expressing things beyond words, even I can;t read what I written if i read it fast.......Jung is hard to read fast too not meaning I on a standard with him,[gramma] but he is talking about insights that go beyond the ordinary mind and takes some adjusting to it.

I can only anticipate that things will improve since I am gaining more control and better memory functi9on and attitude to improve myself to my potentials

wasnt really meaning they are dumb ###$ for not following me, but the stuff they think about and their idea of truth and projections onto me and my fragile mind and existence[gaining more strength].

thanks, yeah things will work out alright




someone been into my yard and put lumps of wet earth and grass on a strip that Is growning grass like crazy...maybe the landlord, cant understand it....hard to describe...they would have had to carry about 7shovel loads of grass to put there, who would do that???
at least I mow the lawn that bit is too hard to pull up all the grass and no push mower will go over it.

their trap is thick and heavy
they are pulling me in, but I not budging ....even getting inside my head with their bull about me that isn't true and I can detect it is from them, their minds same as when I was fully medicated on the injection when they popped into my head with their #######4 that would disturb the integrity of mind like brain washing trying to get me to think a certain way, a way that is sick and counterproductive for the false reality that drugs are the only option for me ..... like reading minds I guess or just that I am a "highly sensitive person", they just want me to fail and come back to them to prove their reality right, distorting my reality and getting in my head to mess with my peace and positive outlook. there is comfort for them knowing I am treated, yet they still don't like what I have to say and would rather I give in and stop fighting the system sorta thing///willingly give myself to their experimantation of drugs and like it, as if that will ever happen.....I am strong and can do wonders for my mental health in spite of them......

going gangsta...thats what it feels like to wake up

they dont understand , this is waking up...i feel real/normal