rant - got really bored and think about weed

thinking about weed again...maybe spend my last dollars on some weed

because I'm so bored, its medicine for being bored with myself

-- Tue Apr 23, 2013 6:16 pm --

I believe the stuff c an help get out of rutts or even feeling suicidal, why don't they use marijuana for suicidal people, be better then ssri...changes outlook and everything

not really sure about my idea to get high instead of getting my usual invasion to my biosphere, that is starting to make me cringe, its a real betrayal of my truth yet they would want to $#%^ on my truth coming from the patient,,,, got headphones just gone past 3pm when I should probably have showed up by now, they didn;t call , problems with blank caller from provate number that no noise came from just me saying I gonna try turning my phone off and on again, don;t actually know who it was even tried calling them about the referral summary for new therapist, maybe they dont care now
?

any way,, i gonna imagine good thoughts avbout my future and affirm a strong existance and freedom. maybe in vain at this stage of optamism of them never making it past the gate

just tried to engage themis goddess of justice and accidently said athena who is another greek goddess dealing with justice and war victory though I honestly don;t know much about her ..she is accompanied by nike goddess of victory

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Athena

I got a good feeling about it like taking action over my living reality,,,,feeling good actually making a stand

having a southern commfort too got paid today

potherwise I would faint disabiltiy.....my crisis were huge in life purpose alchemy, new ideas and the tools to transform into a desired career path,
I do $#%^ like work on making good resume's and involking power into it as a creative art thATS my psychosis generally as I been saying I identify a lot with the idea of self-transcendence...looking into it explains a lot of problems I had with family, and a trigger to desire transcendence of their countrytown functionality and inherited nature.....I went on without them for 7 years without family and no major episode I couldnt deal with until a breakup and they kinda returned but just in an annoying subliminal level..... but them helping me move realy invaded my personal space and environment and triggered a lot of the same transcendent $#%^,,,,,

-- Wed Apr 24, 2013 4:08 pm --

I told the Mental Health Reveiw Board of my intentions, but they didn;t really have much of a response,,, been telling them for quite a while that I was thinking about it.

-- Wed Apr 24, 2013 4:12 pm --

almost forgot I need to get some other $#%^ to say I gonna take for them and there no need to worry about my deterioration that exists as such an imaginary concept theyu get from a mythical image of what the "illness's" are about.

I've seen people who had psychotic illnesses smoke marijuana (they were medicated on medication at the time) and never really noticed any problems. Not saying it may never cause problems in "psychotic" disorders but generally it may be soothing for such people. It may make some people more talkative, thus if a person is psychotic, they may talk about their psychotic ideas more, that could give the impression that the psychosis has increased I guess, when they are just stoned and opening up via speech. Certainly Marijuana is one of the least bad drugs to do when mentally ill, certainly much better than getting drunk on alcohol. I really think the usage of Marijuana by people with psychosis is a matter with is the business of the patient and therapist, let them two figure it out and the rest of society mind its own business, especially the police. Arresting a schizophrenic or bipolar person for smoking a joint is the true insanity, the trauma of being arrested and treated like that is likely worst than any effects of the drug!

Through actual text from commercials drug known as Abilify, HIGH TIMES, in association with York Productions, asks the question, "If pot did this to you, would you smoke it?"

www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFk-4uveLPM

I'm out of weed and can't afford it, surely its not that hard to just get bored and sleep instead of getting high........ nothing much to talk about for some reason now I'm refusing treatment..

but I usually get weed even though I can't afford it, really fixes feeling $#%^ from antipsychotics
if pot was like abilify I wouldn;;t smoke it....to me its like an antidote to somethi9ng like abilify. how can abilify be an antidepressent, its designed to make you feel $#%^, unless the brain rewires itself to be void of depressive thoughts or something.

nothing in nature except rauwolfia is like antipsychotics, still I rather rauwolfia....

If i give up marijuana I might be able to afford ayurvedic medicine again.

did I say that when I came off antipsychotics I was really keen to give up smoking, I didn;t need it with normal dopamine I was fine felt really good and thought weed would even spoil the high natural high it was so good. totally cut back on buying weed and when I did I had will power to put it away and draw out the smoking over much longer period of time, needed less of it and with the good vibes coming off antipsychotic I couldn';t be better and was goal setting about lifestyle spending less money

thats right its as plain as I will spend so much less money , drink less caffenated beverages like pepsi habit, if I wasn';t on antipsychotic my world and lifestyle habits would be better

why can't the quacks see it rightfully so, and undertand how dopamine functioning normally will be benefit to my overall qwuality of life and more money more health, its rediculous why can;t it be explained to them?

-- Thu May 23, 2013 8:02 pm --

and by the way the antipsych forum is still dead ish...like whats going on? maybe my rant in original topic that I thought should be censored as it was about the exit of an anti-anti-psych forum member that tried to trash talk people and use his superiour intellect to degrade other members yet it was funny at times how desperate he was to hold to his belief systems and then got caught out revealing hi9s pain in depression like stop picking on me kind of thing like just saying that he is fragile and then giving up, sorry I don;t have the link to link to this event, maybe I should try to find it. anyway this thread is more about weed now, but maybe that sense that anti-psych was on its death bed was precognative or whatever that is supposed to mean, I amdumbed down on antipsychotics and high trying to overcome the effects of the original drug that is ######6 with me big time. but can see that it makes a mess of my head to get high sometimes but I not at my best tonight I think its more about the antipsychotics ######6 with me